Born To Fly

I Can't Imagine

2012-01-27T11:36:00.000-05:00

I think I've described the city I live in several times in my blog and the reason I mention it is because I must admit that as much as I gripe and grumble about it I have to admit I think Massachusetts,New Bedford,and the surrounding areas are a HUGE part of who I am. If I haven't given you all an accurate picture permit me to explain a bit about the city I call home.

First, New Bedford is roughly 35 minutes outside Boston and at one time it was a huge fishing,and factory,area. The city,itself,is sort of broke now but it's still an incredible place. To some people it's big but after living in the city for roughly 30 years I have to tell you to me it's not. I have a theory that,in this city,you are seperated by 2 or 3 people. However, in my case, I feel it is ACTUALLY less then that.

So, where am I going with this? Well, it's simple. If you subscribe to my theory then you can understand that I believe that we are seperated by less then 2 or 3 people. You are actually seperated from one person by another person and that's it. So,that being said since I feel the city is soooo small when something happens you know it and not only do you know it but you know the people involved.

Yesterday I was scanning the web and I came across a piece of news that left me speechless. Years ago my brother played little league baseball. On the team was a boy named,Ryan,and his dad,Mr. M.,coached. The M family knew pain. Their eldest child passed away when she was 5 from a rare blood disease. A few seasons in Mrs. M. announced she was expecting a son. Andrew was born just before the beginning of the season when the boys moved up,Ryan went to one team and Den to the other. They were rivals but always maintained a friendship. I get the feeling,deep down,both boys respected each other because they both were utility players who could pitch,catch,and play several positions.

Over the years, Den left baseball but Ryan kept plugging away. I rarely saw the M family over the years until one day,when I was in high school,and volunteering at a rehabilitation center for children and I ran into Andrew. Actually,that center changed my life. A lot of girls,from the shop I was in,would not volunteer to go. I think it was difficult for them because their were children with severe mental,and physical,handicaps in that building. Some were confined to wheelchairs,some were missing limbs,and some were suffering from mental delays.

In Andrew's case it was just a simple matter of him not talking. I remember settling on the floor,next to him,and we would have play time and a speech session. He started talking and I remember one day I heard the teacher in the room,Ms. Laurie,come in and say,"It's big, Mr. M." and she was right. Mr. M is built like a tank. Anyway, yesterday I was on the web and I saw a headline,"GNB Voke student dies in car crash."

Come to find out it was Andrew! The kid was 17 years old,he was the captin of the school football and baseball team,and had plans to go to college. He wanted to be a teacher! Anyway, I have to admit that seeing that this good family lost such an amazing child has DEFINITELY made me feel that my problems are pretty insignificant.

Anyway,my heart goes out to this family. I know that Andrew is up there with his big sister,Jennifer. Rest in peace,Andrew!

Okay,so as much as I'd like to not focus on the job thing and various other things that are going on let me first go on a rant and then I'll share some good news.

First, let me explain something. I guess the thing that's been bugging me about my life lately is I feel like i'm just here for everyone else.    That just hit me recently. I was sitting at the computer,applying for a job,and suddenly I recieved a message on FB. Someone was asking me for something and I was super busy so I just sent back a message saying,"I'll get it for you when I can." Apparently,I'll get it for you when I can was not fast enough because a few days ago someone called me and said,"So and so asked me for this and I figured I'd ask you."

So and so was the exact same person who asked me for it! Ummmm....what part of I WILL GET IT FOR YOU WHEN I CAN DO YOU NOT GET?!

I am so fed up with everyone around me feeling like the world revolves around them! I am not here to make your life easier and I am pissed off that when I say something,to someone,about WAITING they can't seem to get it through their heads. HOW ABOUT NEXT TIME I JUST SAY,"NO!" and leave it at that?

Okay,so that's not it either.    I'm annoyed. It's not just one person but a bunch of people who,possibly through no fault of their own,are straight up pissing me off.

This morning I posted my condolences to the family I mentioned above on FB and a friend of mine,who I went to school with,asked what happened. Now let me just say this is the type of "friend" who is constant drama. Boyfriends,kids,and drama.   She is the type of person who is almost solely focused upon her own problems. So why was I surprised when she put,"Oh,what happened?" Ummmm....we live in a relatively small place,this story has been all over the news,and in the papers.

HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT THE F'N HELL HAPPENED?

Why? Well, simple. She's entirely focused on herself and her issues.

Seriously,the list of people who are pissing me off is getting longer every friggen day!

Speaking of a solo focus my sister is holding Collin's birthday party on Sunday. She hadn't heard from anyone so she assumed no one was coming. Ummm...surprise. She invited 40 people and 40 people are coming.   I cannot imagine what she was thinking. Tiff and FBIL have a small apartment and she invited 40 people. Oh,and what are 40 people thinking about coming to this tiny house.

Actually,let me correct that. I do. The thoughts here are two fold,and no I'm not saying that my family won't celebrate and wish Collin well,but I do believe there are some alterior motives. First, I believe some of them want to see Jaedyn. I think they think that Den and Blondie are going to bring him and therefore it's a good chance to hold the baby. Oh,and if you're wondering,I actually encouraged my sister in law not to come. Why? Well,first there's a straight up LOVELY virus going around,they don't need it and Jaedyn doesn't either. Secondly, I don't feel that being passed from arm to arm to arm would be good for Jaedyn.

Maybe I'm wrong. I'm not his parents but if I were the mother of an infant I would NOT bring them to a party like that.

The second reason. I've mentioned it before and I'll say it again. FOOD! No disrespect intended but honestly, that is the primary reason a lot of people show up at parties and I believe that that's the reason a lot of my relatives are going. There's nothing wrong with it but I guess what I'm saying is it's not solely because of Collin and that sucks!

Anyway,last night my sister wound up on that list of folks who are pissing me the Hell off. I texted my sister in law and asked about the party. She said she'd talk to Den. Fine. Later on I went out with my mom and my sister called. "Are they coming?" she asked. I told her,"I don't know. If I were them I'd be anxious about EVERYONE wanting to hold the baby."   I THOUGHT MY SISTER WOULD GET THAT! Instead she got pissed off! "Well,if they want him to get immune to germs he's got to be around people." she said.

Yeah,but not 40 people in one SHOT! NO! NO!

So, speaking of my so adorable nephew I'm supposed to go see him today! I'm super jazzed because I haven't had that privledge yet. Hopefully,my mom gets back soon so we can get going.

Off to apply for more jobs. Talk to you all later.

Cute Baby alert

2012-01-27T10:48:00.000-05:00

Sweet,little baby Jaedyn.

What a cutie-pie!

Keeping an Open Mind

2012-01-26T10:58:00.000-05:00

Greetings all! Hopefully, you're all doing well and enjoying life as much as possible. I have to admit lately it's been hard for me to focus so let's start right there. Today makes one week that I interviewed for a position at Home Depot. I honestly haven't heard anything yet and I'm bummed. Totally,flippin' bummed.

Okay,so it's one week. Maybe less actually but I'm still awaiting word on how my interview went. You know whether or not I have the job,whether or not I need to pin my hopes on something else and of course I'm just steadily applying for EVERY job I can possible qualify for. Honestly,I've only gotten two calls. One from Home Depot and the second from Sears, in North Attleboro,but it's to far away.

Anyway, I do have applications out at other places and I'm just awaiting their calls. I applied at Gymboree,Lowes, got rejected by them,H & R Block,that's strike two,Family Dollar,and even some places as a SR cashier and as a supervisor. Overall, I must admit that I know it's going to be tough to find a retail job because of the economy and all but I'm still hopeful,sometimes,that I will turn up with something.

I guess part of me is just REALLY disappointed that things didn't work out with Target. I mean I guess deep down inside that I'm thinking there was SOMETHING I could've done to change it and remain there but I guess not.

Okay,so apart from the job thing everything is moving along. We're preparing to move. The other day we were informed of yet another leak. I think I may have mentioned that but unfortunately we had a big storm on Saturday and my dad couldn't go up to meet the landlord to fix it. Meanwhile,my mom is packing nonstop. I must admit I've been a bit sluggish about packing. I packed up small stuff already but for the most part I just don't have any desire to see moving boxes everywhere and then have my dad come home and tell me it's put on hold.

In other words, I want to wait until I hear something more definite.

I guess these aspects of my life are just annoying me! I hate it because in a lot of ways it feels like I'm standing still and EVERYONE around me is moving. I try not to let it bug me but honestly, I look at things,like Facebook,and my friends,from school,are getting married,buying houses and having babies. I feel like in my life the brakes are on continuously!

Oh,but don't get me wrong there are some good things!

The boys are doing amazingly well.

Austin's IEP meeting was yesterday and he's going to the 4th grade. According to his teacher,he's a plesent,wonderful boy who loves bowling,his baby brother,and hash browns. He even wrote a story about hash browns and bowling!

Collin is the same holy terror he's always been. Lately,he's been reading. I got him a copy of "Chica,Chica Boom Boom" for his birthday and now he insists on reading it to me every time he sees me. The funny thing is he's heard it sooo many times he's learned all the words! According to his teacher she can hide the book and Collin can manage to find it! Leave it to Collin!

It's hard to believe that Jaedyn is 1 week and 1 day old already. Harder to believe? I haven't met my nephew yet. Honestly, there's a good reason for that. My parents have been sick with colds and we don't want to bring them to my brother and sister in law. Or Jaedyn. Still,he is one of the cutest babies I've EVER,EVER seen! Mom and I are planning on going to visit possibly Friday afternoon. Blondie is home with the baby and Den's at work so we have a lot of free time to meet my adorable nephew.

In other news, I adopted two more guinea pigs over the last few days. That brings the grand total to three. Gizmo now has two companions. Leslie is a black and white saddlebreed. She is super friendly and really cute. Bailey,who I named after Andrew Bailey,the Boston Red Sox new closer,is a Sheltie guinea pig. He's really timid but it slowly coming around. I'll post pictures of everything once I buy new batteries for my camara.

I started doing an abdominal workout a few weeks ago and the progress is remarkable. I have somewhat lost my pouchy belly and actually have curves that are a little more defined. My pants don't fit well but hey,I guess that's a good thing. Lately, it feels like that's the one thing I have control over.

Angel is doing okay too.

Talk to you all later.

Things Are Nuts!

2012-01-22T16:11:00.000-05:00

Greetings,everyone! It's really hard to believe that the last few days have shaken out the way they have but can I just be allowed one second to say,"Wow!" and shake my head.   Okay,so there's a lot of stuff going on. Some of it is good,some of it sucks and the rest of it manages to fall somewhere in between good and sucks.

Okay,so as some of you may be keenly aware my 3rd nephew was born January 17th. Unfortunately,due to some illnesses and just plain lack of time I have yet to meet Jaedyn. I have to admit that I am disappointed in myself but then again it's not entirely my fault. I don't have a cold but my mom does and since she and my dad are bringing me to meet him that just hasn't happened yet. Of course I would've said something sooner about Jaedyn being born but my brother,and his wife,kind of prevented that. They insisted that we not mention ANYTHING about Jaedyn's birth and well..he's their son so they have say. Of course my brother is also asking me to not post pictures of anything,as well,so pictures of JJ may be few and far between. I guess my brother was upset that there was so many pictures of Austin online but I meant no harm by it.

Anyway, I'll keep you posted on when I get to meet him.

In other news, I went for a job interview a few days ago. It's for a part-time cashier position.   I think it went pretty well and I really got along well with the two supervisors. Hopefully,within the next few days I'll know if I have the job or not. If not I'm not totally depressed. I've kept my options open and have been applying everywhere so we'll see. The same day as the call for my interview I also recieved a call from a cellphone provider,in New Bedford,looking for a salesperson. Unfortunately,the position was for someone in Assonet but the guy,Pete,promised to forward my application to someone in New Bedford and he knows they are hiring so.....either one job or the other.

Anyway, on other work related stuff it would appear my issues with Target are not yet over. I recieved a letter from the coporate office the other day informing me that I had not signed or dated my W2's.   I would've gone and got them the other day but we got the news that JJ was born and we also got a massive ammount of snow so I've decided to wait until the roads are a little clearer before I make the trip up to North Dartmouth.

Honestly, I don't know if I'm going to be able to file income tax this year anyway. Why? Well, I only worked for Toys R Us for a few days and my job at Target lasted a month. The fact is it may not be worth filing so I don't know. I guess the smartest thing to do is run them to the tax place and have Tatum,the woman who does my parents taxes,see if it's worthwhile. If not she can use them on my parents taxes.

Okay,so what else is going on?

Well, packing to move has begun and to be honest I cannot wait until that's over and we're in the new house. Our new landlord told my dad the other day that there's a leak in the house,small one,and of course this has lead to panic! At least on my part. Dad claims he can probably fix it so tomorrow him and Rog are heading up to the house to take a look. If not my dad's friends with a plumber,James,who does plumbing for most of the city so he'll head up and fix it.

So far,for me,packing has been limited to a few boxes. I,honestly,threw a lot of stuff in the trash. Dad actually showed me pictures of my room the other day and I'm going to have my work cut out for me. For some reason the room is purple. Now as a kid I would've LOVED that but as a 32 year old woman it reminds me of when I was a kid! The ceiling in the room is blue. My plans are simple. Divide the room in half and if I get either job start buying stuff to fix that problems. Most notably paint!

My plans are to paint both sides of the room the same colors. Beige and white. The room,itself,beige and the ceiling will be white. My dad didn't sell the tables at the fleamarket so I'm taking those and I'm going to buy an ottoman,that folds out into a bed,for the boys,as soon as I can.   The bedroom is going to be pretty much the same as it is now except I'm buying new sheets and pillows.

The windows in the room are half-moon shaped so I'm going to have to buy curtains and blinds once I measure.

Today I'm at my sister's and FBIL's so I'm not packing. I actually packed up my books and stuff yesterday. The biggest task is my clothes,my shoes and my porcelain dolls. I'm holding off on the last part until I get some bubblewrap.

Obviously,packing up the animals stuff is going to be dead last.

Angel is actually doing pretty well lately. She's had a grand total of one accident in the last few days and I'm working out how to handle continuing her success.   Dad's convinced this is not going to work and to be honest I know already that he and Angel are not going to like my plans. First,Angel needs more excersize so at night she's going for a walk,when I'm home,and at night time,and when we go out,she will have to be crated!

We attempted crating before but the problem was Angel's previous crate was far,far too big for her. She had way too much room. She could turn,squat and pee so that's what she did. I actually had this conversation with my sister in law and she said her dog's crate is tiny so he can't do that. My plans are simple. Angel's crate is meduim sized and has a drop bottom with a wee-wee pad.   Dad's already commented that,"Angel is so stupid it won't make a difference."

I'm far,far more optomstic! My thoughts are if Angel has more time outside,which with a fenced in yard she should be able too,and she should be better when she has a chance to walk and be in a crate.

In other pet related news, some of you all might remember that I adopted a guinea pig some time back. Gizmo has been really,really fun to watch and he's so much fun to play with. Well, the other day my cousin's hubby asked Tiff if she wanted a guinea pig. She said no but me? Well,for the last few days I've been thinking,"One more would be great."

The next morning my mom woke me up and informed me that my cousin's hubby was dropping off a brand new guinea pig! What's one more,right? So, at that point my mother informs me that it's not ONE MORE but two! Okay,two then. No biggie. Two males,same cage,and playmates for Gizzy!

Beep...beep!

I run down the stairs to greet the new additions and then I'm stunned,shocked and surprised.

"Here's the first one." he says and hands me a seprate cage.

Okay,that's just one. There's a cage. She's black and white. Her name is Leslie and she's cute. She's actually a baby guinea pig. Good thing my dad okayed this. Oh,and then comes the next one. A black angora guinea pig with a HUGE cage. The cage he's in,and I don't have a name yet,is actually identical to the one I want for Gizmo!

The guy was nice enough to give us guinea pig food and some sawdust. We won't be switching Leslie and the other one to Gizmo's food. (Note: Gizmo's food is pretty pricy stuff at almost 8 bucks a bag.) Anyway, around midafternoon I got a really awful headache,took two Tylenol and went to rest. My dad arrived home around 5 and was he ever in for a shock.

Remember how I mentioned previously that he brings home birds without saying a peep to me or my mother?

Well,the table turned. This time we had taken in animals without asking him. He didn't appreciate it to say the least but as I pointed out,"Would those two find a better home anywhere else?" No,and truthfully does one or two more make a difference around here? Hardly!

Right now I'm off to finish making the boys dinner nad maybe spend some time with them. Talk to you all later.

Little Miracle!

2012-01-18T17:43:00.000-05:00

Jaedyn Johnathyn

Born: Jaunary,17th.2012

Weight: 7 lbs 11 ounces

Length: 21 1/2" long

Things Just Keep Getting More Interesting

2012-01-18T14:33:00.000-05:00

Hey. everyone! Lots of good things happening. I can't go into a lot of details but let's just say I am so happy right now.

Once I can inform you all I'll let you know. Talk to you all soon. Latta gators!

Behind Every Bit of Irony is Me Laughing Hysterically.

2012-01-14T12:28:00.000-05:00

Oh,and yes,folks,welcome back to my sarcastic tittles. Guess what? This is my second entry in two days. It's a flippin miracle. Okay,so I'm not going to greet you but let me start by saying as many of you are all too keenly aware I am somehwat addicted to irony. I find things like the fact a holy roller Christinas person can raise a child to be a non-believer. C'mon! There's a great level of irony there and I also find it quite ironic that I did such a good job at my previous job that they wouldn't keep me but hey,if you walked into that parkinglot the other day you'd fully uunderstand why.

So,let's start with my life and I'll get to the rest in a little bit. Actually,there's not much to report. I'm on a serious job hunt. Yesterday mom and I put on a layaway for the new house. We picked out plates,glasses and even flatware. Honestly, we both found out our styles differ greatly! Mine is more subtle and quiet in the sense that I like mellow colors.

I think our plates reflect that. I picked out their earthtone colored plates,brown,blacks and tans,and our glasses are clear,bubbled,elegant and classic. All things I thought my mom would hate because she is into bright and colorful things. We also picked out a new spatucla and spoon set. The silveware is a 102 piece set that has heavy handles which is perfect for us because dad complains about forks if they are dainty.

Unfortnately, the picking of silverware and stuff was not,and is not,the hardest part of my day. Finding a job has been tough. The fact is I actually applied for jobs I was seriously underqualified for and now I'm just thinking that I need to get something I am qualified to do.

So,that leaves me applying for supervisor positions and assistant manager jobs!

Nothing yet.

In other news, a few of my friends are asking me about dating and honestly, I just don't have any desire to get "back out T-H-E-R-E!" Yes, I know that everyone seems to believe they are worthless unless someone loves me but I love me and at this point that is totally enough! It has to be because honestly I'm too friggen busy to put makeup on,cut my hair or ANYTHING else. I go out but I'm not actively looking so meh!

Right now the only thing I'm looking for involves 40 hours of work! Get it?

Anyway, the boys are doing good. Right now I'm actually at my sister's. Using her computer. The boys,Tiff and my mom are at bowling. Austin's not nearly having the great year he had last year! His team kind of fell apart and we're constantly remind him to not focus on the team aspect and focus on himself.

Hopefully that helps.

Collin is something else,as always. His 5th birthday was a few weeks ago. I bought him the movie,Cars 2,and a book he loves! He's talking a lot more now and he's just a super funny little kid.

Speaking of little kids, there's a new addition to the family and no,it's not Jaedyn,or JJ as he will be known from here on out. My 17 year old cousin giave birth this morning!

Alex was born at 7:09 a.m. and he weighs like 5 pounds. Impaitent little guy!

Jaedyn has rughly 6 days left until his due date and he's just decided to hunker in I guess. Of course we got the call,from my cousin's mom,this morning and she was asking about Blondie and her due date. This is not new though. There has been like an ongoing competition over these pregnancies since Blondie announced she was expected 2 days after my cousin.

From my point of view,and I'm so sorry if this offends ANY family member,but to be honest the 17 year old,formerly knocked up high school droput,pregnant by a guy who she met at the courthouse,and NO I'M NOT JOKING,and he has three kids with three different women,is NOT joyus! It's tragic! I feel great sympathy for Alex because he didn't ask for a criminal daddy and a teenage mommy.

On the other hand,my sister in law being pregnant is a blessing. The poor girl went through Hell to concieve and have children so needless to say everyone has been basking in the joy of Jaedyn's prgoress while everyone has sort of rolled their eyes over the first one. I guess if I were the person whose feeling competitive,and not on the latter part,I'd be annoyed too. Still,realistically THERE IS NO COMPETITION!

Bottomline is Jaedyn is just not ready to come out yet and he will make a marvelous debut when he is!

Guess that's about it. Moving is slated for February 1st and honestly, I am extermely excited!

...and it all went insane!

2012-01-13T14:35:00.000-05:00

So, after a lot of chaos my grandmother is FINALLY in her last resting place. The burial took place on Monday and she was placed in the ground near my great-grandparents! Overall,the burial was tough but it went about as well as can be expected. As heartbreaking as it was life must go on and so here I am.

Let's start with some of the more important stuff. No Jaedyn yet. He's due the 20th and if he is ANYTHING like my brother he'll come on the 20th just to prove a point! We're all making jokes about it because frankly what else can we do? Blondie looks like she's ready to pop but Jaedyn just won't come out. I guess he might be a c-section!

Anyway, that's not it on the baby front. My 17 year old cousin is due to have her son the 29th. Yup! She's 17 and preggers. No comments from me though.

In other news, the countdown to moving day has begun. We are going to be moving on the 1st of February. I'm actually super excited. I bought brand new throw pillows and mom and I just put a layaway on consisting of a dinnerware set,cookesheets,silverware,and other things. I'm also planning on getting a Kureig teabrewer for myself.

I've also applied for more jobs! After giving it some serious thought it's hit me that I am not reaching my full potential and therefore I am actually applying for jobs a little closer to my capabilities. Most of the positions I'm applying for now are supervisor jobs! Oh,and assistant manager jobs.

Right now everyone has a cold and I'm off to go with mom to get dad from work and go home. Latta gators!

Cha-Cha-Changes

2012-01-09T10:00:00.000-05:00

Hey. all! Sorry about the,once again,lack of enteries but to be honest I just haven't felt like writing and when I do it's usually not something I'd be showing the family later on. Okay,so hopefully you're all doing well. I guess as far as my life goes I'm okay as I can be.

Today is not going to be easy. Oh,but let me start by saying,"Boy,has my life changed." recently. First, I'm out of a job. The season ended at work,last week,and the management didn't bother to tell me until last week. In other words,that left me a week to find a job and no,I haven't had much success. To put it bluntly, I'm a little peeved. How on Earth can you do that to someone? It's not like I don't have bills to pay. Anyway, the last few days,at the point where they told me,I started scrambling,TRYING, to find something else!

Retail is not REALLY going to be much good because EVERY store is cutting hours! So, I'm putting in at fast food places,clerical places or ANYTHING where I can capitolize on my skills. It hasn't been easy but I was also told to reapply at the store,in March,so I'm looking at that too.

Oh,and as an added bonus I've had the flu for like 3 days and been totally miserable! I spent the last two days of my job coughing and hacking but putting out merchandise. So,yeah,good news,I'm feeling better! Sort of.

Today is going to be a rough day. Right now I'm sitting at my sister's house. Gram's burial is today and my mom asked me to set up the brunch afterward. I got to Tiff's house and,as usual,Tiff's in full blow a gasket mode. I swear between her and the rest of my family it's become abundantly clear I drink nowhere near enough booze! These people are DRIVING ME NUTS! There I said that as nicely as I could.

In other news, I hope to be moving into the new house in as soon as the week after next. I spent my last paycheck on picking up little odds and ends for the new place. Including brand new throw pillows for my new couch. Pictures as soon as possible I promise. I also went and got my nails done and picked up the 3rd season of Castle on DVD!

Okay,so now off to finish setting up for the brunch and applying for some more jobs. Latta gators!

Total Insanity

2011-12-29T22:53:00.000-05:00

Greetings everyone and I hope your holidays were good ones. As you might've guessed I've been a little bit busy what with Gram passing away working and of course the holidays.

Let's start with Gram and move from there. First, permit me to explain that I didn't want to write this update. While I had been fully prepared for Gram's passing I must admit it hit me pretty hard. I,honestly,went into shock,about it,on Thursday morning,when the nurse called to tell us,and didn't really come out of it,into total heartbreak,around noon that day when I went into work. I think I cried practically the whole way home and on Friday morning it FINALLY hit me. My grandmother is gone. She'll never see me get married or have the great grandkids she constantly bugged me for.

My grief stretched from that Friday,when I was supposed to work 6 p.m. to 1 a.m.,into Christmas Eve when I was supposed to work closing. I say supposed to because I didn't. I spent Friday and Saturday with my nephews. Honestly,the most life-afirming thing I could think of was to be around my nephews.

So, I spent Friday finishing up my shopping,took Austin to see the movie "Arthur Christmas" and then work up on Christmas Eve feeling sader then I had in a long while. Instead of going to work I went to church. My pastor sang during the service and I must admit I just felt Gram there. It was beautiful! Tiff and I honestly started crying at the exact same moment.

Anyway, Christmas wasn't bad either. To be honest it was just different. No trip to the nursinghome. Blondie and Den came to spend the day with us and it was wonderful. I probably spent the most on gifts this year. (Excluding Tiff and FBIL and what they spent on the boys!) Still,it was nice. Blondie and Den LOVED the cake pop maker I bought him this year.

So,Christmas wrapped up and I headed back to work. Monday was Gram's wake and I had to work from 7 a.m. to 2:15 p.m. I must admit that I had anxiety the whole entire day. First, let me clarify I HATE WAKES! I avoid them whenever possible. This one I was particularly anxious about. First my aunt had not handled my grandmother's death very well. She's been flying off on emotional tangets pretty easily so there was no telling how she'd react. Anyway,after some thought my mom decided that for the wake the casket would be closed.

That really helped me considerably. I did go in,at my sister's urging,to take one last glimpse at Gram before it was shut. Honestly? She looked peaceful. The wake was a magical experience to be honest. We laughed,some folks cried and the night was just a showing of love for Gram. My aunt sang and everything. It was beautiful.

Anyway, the next day I had off. I was kind of glad. Don't get me wrong I like my job but I have been wiped out by taking extra shifts,gram passing away,a stomach bug and a few other things that just went wrong. Wednesday I headed back into work and hey,at this point I must admit that I was pretty confident about my job performance.

The store spent time training me on "extra" things. Things they normally do not teach holiday help and so on Wednesday when one of my supervisors called me into the office I figured either it was to A.) Tell me corporate had hired me perminantly or B.) Tell me I'd screwed up something.

Never in a billion,million,kabillion years did I guess he would be telling me the following bit of news. Wednesday is my last day! I must admit that I'm very disappointed. First, I went through HELL to get the job and secondly,I really enjoyed it. So, yeah,I'm a bit upset. I will work the rest of my scheduled days because frankly, I need the cash and I want to depart on phenominally good terms. I also fully intend to send a "thank you" note to the store. If nothing else to keep me on their minds.

Anyway,so now it's back to finding a job. I have put my name in at the hospital, H and R Block and some local places as a receptionist. If I get something temporary I can head back to the store come October. I know that sounds dumb but truthfully I love that place and I feel I fit. Go figure.

So,not much else to report. If this blog falls silent again it's because I'm moving. Yes, again! My dad's friend has a house and it just kind of fell into our laps. It's two bedrooms. I'll have the upstairs part which includes a-gasp!-livingroom. I'll post pictures for you guys once I get started on it. I'm not even sure what it looks like but I promise it's going to be fantastic once I finish with it.

Not much else to report. Collin turned 5 yesterday and today he has a stomach bug. Tiff and FBIL took him to the ER so I'm watching Austin and Austin's buddy,TC. Work tomorrow from 12 to 4 and then 2:30 to 11. I doubt that last one because the store is cutting hours. Next week I work 2 days and then I'm done. Okay,off to check on the boys.

Latta gators!

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T15:15:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas!

She's Gone

2011-12-23T09:47:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the lack of posts but things have been really rough lately. I've been working like a mad woman and then yesterday all that came to a hault.

Gram passed away yesterday! I'm so sad,so tired,and just heartbroken.

Whatever else let me just say,"I love you,Gram!" Rest in peace,sweetie!

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year?! Really?!

2011-12-09T19:04:00.000-05:00

Hi and happy Friday to you all. Hopefully,you're all having a productive and blessed day. If not well....look at the brightside the day is nearly over. Okay,so for those of you who are wondering the fact is retail at Christmas is insane. That's probably why I haven't felt like doing much of anything over the last few days.

Anyway,I had my last training day today. In other words, I am done with my employee training and am now on the schedule at work along with other things! I'm actually happy about this. The last few days have been challenging,fun and somewhat interesting all at once. So,today I worked from 8 to 3 and tonight I'm off to spend some time with my two of my favorite boys.

Oh,and I'm getting them pizza!

This is all taking place because Tiff mentioned she wanted to go out with FBIL and on Christmas Eve I'm working the closing shift so I won't be attending Mass or reading the boys "The Night Before Christmas". I guess tonight is as good a night as any and I will be with them on Christmas Day so there you go.

Speaking of Christmas, it would appear that we will not be moving before the holiday. Our new landlord,Rog,is sending a plumber to the house to check a broken pipe. I've been looking around at work for things to decorate my new livingroom as well as picking out some dishes and stuff. I found some intensely cool lamps,shelving units and various other things. Now I'm on the prowl for a couch and some coffee tables. I haven't decided with the livingroom will be wood,white or black. I promise pictures when I get it done.

Today I got my first paycheck! I absolutely LOVE working at the store. Everyone is super nice and fun. Plus, I seem to have not lost my knack for working with customers. Oh,and my new sneakers have helped tremendously! I have been putting in some major hours over the last few days and today I actually was able to start my Christmas shopping.

I didn't get much but at least I was able to start. Good news,right? In a few weeks I'll finish. I bought my mom and sister's gift so that just leaves me my brother,sister in law,brother in law and the boys. The easiest will probably be Jaedyn.

Okay,guess that's about it. Off to go babysit and sneak some cookies from sister's house. Talk to you all soon.

Muddling Through the Holidays

2011-12-07T12:39:00.000-05:00

Hey. everyone! Wow! I actually wrote an entry yesterday and I'm writing one today. It's a miracle! Anyway,hope you're all doing well. The last 24 hours have been kind of stresssful in terms of Gram and family stuff as well as some issues I'm having so let's just jump into it.

Okay,so today marks my third closing shift at the store. To be honest,it doesn't bother me. I'm fine with closing. I actually,occassionally,enjoy it but for the last few days I've noticed I have a large blister on both of the soles of my feet. Seriously. I worked 4 to 8 on Tuesday,5 to 10 Thursday, and 5 to 12 on Friday. I guess what I'm saying my feet hurt so that being said I spent yesterday walking around in slippers and this morning I went to hunt around for insoles for my shoes.

Most likely I will be replacing them tomorrow but for now this is the best I've got and hopefully,it carries me through until tomorrow when I have my day off and can go hunt down a decent pair of shoes.

So, in other news,we are DEFINITELY moving! My dad's friend had to put his mom in a nursinghome so he offered the house. I'm actually looking forward to this. Mainly,because apartment living is slowly wearing me down and secondly, it's a first floor. My room,from what my dad has told me, is HUGE! In fact,it's big enough that I'm dividing it into two rooms. A little living room area and then a bedroom.

Currently, I'm surfing the web looking for a small,comfy couch,a coffee table and various other odds and ends. I'm planning on getting a foldable wall,from work,and dividing it up that way. Hopefully,this weekend we can go see it. So,possible by the end of the month,or the beginning of next month, I will probably be living somewhere else.

There is actually a lot of good news,with regards to the house,despite the fact I haven't seen it. First, it's got a frenced in backyard. This means that when I'm at work mom will be able to let Angel out. There's a deck as well so more great news. I guess what I'm saying is regradless anything is better then where I'm at now. So, if you don't hear from me for a while just know that I'm thinking of you but I've moved and I will return.

Oh,and of course with my grandmother there is NEVER a dull moment. Yesterday my aunt called us up and informed my mother that my other aunt, My mom is the youngest daughter in a family of 4 kids!,had told my grandmother to ask my cousin,Lauri,if she could go liver with Lauri,her hubby and their kids. For those of you who don't know let me describe my grandmother condition.

My grandmother is terminally ill. Translation: She is going to die. The only issue we're having is we're not sure when. She can no longer walk,she can't feed herself,she can't clean herself,she can't dress herself,and she can't even get out of bed on her own. There is no going to live with someone else and the fact that my aunt prompted my grandmother to EVEN ask is an indication of two things.

1. My aunt can't accept that my grandmother is going to die
or
2. She talked my grandmother into KNOWING my cousin would have to say no.

If the first one is true it's just sad. That would mean my aunt thinks if my grandmother leaves the home she'll be just fine but if it's the second one I'm pissed! That would mean she KNEW my cousin was going to have to say,"No." and had Gram ask anyway.

This upset my eldest aunt,and my mom,who is Gram's medical proxy,and upon hearing this my mom hopped on the phone and called the nurses at the home. They flat out told us that there is NO WAY Gram can leave the nursinghome at all. Mom has suggested that maybe we could have a councelour from hospice come in and take a meeting with the family.

I guess if my aunt just cannot accept that Gram's going to pass on that it's the only alternative we have.

Anyway, right now I'm still breaking down my Christmas list into sections. I figured out the boys presents,my mother's,my sister's,my brother and sister in law's. Just working on everyone else now. There's not a lot of people left but honestly, I'm only pulling 22 hours in a week so I need to save money. Plus, I'm seasonal right now so I don't even know if I'll have a job long after the holidays.

That's actually why I'm holding off on getting the tablet I want from Rent A Center. I mean it would be easy to just tell FBIL,"Yeah,go ahead." but I want to be able to afford it so I'm holding off. Okay,off to surf the web and later get ready for work. Latta gators!

Random Tuesday Thoughts

2011-12-06T08:16:00.000-05:00

1. Okay,so yet again no enteries for a while. Not sure how long this time but to be honest I've been a little busy. First there's work,which I feel is going rather well,and then there's moving,Yes,again!,and then there's other stuff,More in a second!,and on and on. Every time I turn around it seems my list has expanded...err...exploded.

2. So,as I said I feel work is going well. I mean I like it, I'm doing the very best I can and I help the guests while being funny,bubbly and smart. Learning the inventory for all the departments has not been easy but I'm attempting and I feel like I'm doing pretty well. I hope I get to stay.

3. Unfortunately,my poor feet aren't faring as well. Particularly my left one. I have a callous starting to form on it. OH,and as unattractive as that sounds I must admit that it hurts even more. I work 7,8 and sometimes 9 hour shifts so I'm on my feet alot. I guess I need to hunt more comfy shoes. Maybe with extra padding. Sans the ridge in the middle.

4. So,it's nearly offical. My parents and I will be moving. I'll give you the details once I have more. Right now I'm just TRYING to focus on work and getting out of this apartment with some sanity left. It's been hard lately but work has provided a nice buffer.

5. Songs of the week is "Home" by Deirks Bentley. Great song! I love most of Deirks's music. He's just one of my all-time favorites.

6. Gram update: Gram's actually been doing pretty well during the last few days. I guess some of the issues are the medication. Her liver is failing,which of course causes pain,so what the nursinghome has done,since she's complained that mild pain medications don't work,is put her on what I call heavy hitters. Liquid morphine! It works...almost too well...and knocks her out. She's been lucid for the last few days but unfortunately,I've been sick with this stupid cold or at work!

7. My aunt went to her radiologist/oncologist the other day. He told her he's going to insert a feeding tube to build her up and if the treatments go well it could add,at least,3 to 5 years to her life. It's been so hard to hear all this bad news and not feel bad but I guess suffering builds character. You know as if I'm not enough of one already?!

8. Oh,and to top off the list,as if cancer and liver failure wasn't enough. One of my cousin's was diagnosed with a brain tumor. I've been keeping most of this to myself,with regards to work,and TRYING to not let it effect me. Maybe it's driving me to focus even harder to prove myself. Maybe I'm hoping that the bad stuff will drive me into something good.

9. Still haven't started Christmas shopping yet. Not surprsing. Haven't gotten a paycheck yet. I have some ideas of what to buy and since we're moving I'm going super easy this year. I want to also be able to spoil myself a bit. Is that wrong?

10. In baseball news, I'm disappointed that Jonathan Papelbon is headed to the National League. Sure he's heading to my fave NL team but the simple fact is I was in a bar, on Saturday night,and I said,"Oh,my word! Pap with that stupid red hat on you look like giant zit." Congrats to the Phils but Pap YOU STILL look like a zit! Secondly,the dismissal of Tito opened a spot for a manager on the Red Sox. Who got the job? Bobby Valentine. Little nervous. Ole Bob's not known for being quiet and classy like Tito. So....we'll see. Oh,and Ben Cherrington, Red Sox GM,GET A CLOSER ASAP!

11. So,yeah,I went out on Saturday! Not always my wisest move. I don't get drunk though. I had two somberos with my mom but I limit to Pepsi so I was good. I spent most of the evening watching the Bruins and my friends get wasted. Of course no evening out is without it's dramatics. To the guy,who was stripping in the bar. I don't need to see the Little General and by little I mean little.

12. Going to see the lights in the park soon. Maybe even tonight. No wait. I have to go find sneakers tonight. Maybe this weekend. I'm working tomorrow and Friday but I'm off Saturday and Sunday. Plus, Collin is on antibiodics for strep and pinkeye and Austin has a sore throat.

13. I'm also making plans to go to Lasillette Shrine in a few weeks. I haven't been since I was a kid and I'd love to go. Pictures if I do. It may be tough with the move and everything.

14. Still have a slight cough. It's not fun. I'm using Musinex and taking a lot of showers. Steam tends to do the trick. Luckily, I was able to suck it up and work...even...on the days I felt horrible.

15. Going to cut it off at 15. It is my day off,after all,so I'm going to go and relax. Talk to you all soon.

Comedy Of Errors

2011-12-03T11:55:00.000-05:00

Greetings and happy Saturday. Hopefully, you're feeling accomplished and joyful. I'm just relaxing after an extremely long night at work. Long but productive and so far I hope I'm doing as good a job as I think I am. I've been told things are going really well so for that I"m grateful. My shift started at 5 and ended just after midnight.

Anyway, before that I had some time to kill so I spent time with my mom. Sadly, I have not been able to go visit Gram because I've had a slight,well...severe,cold. The last time I went she was full of Hell. She was angry,she told me my hair looked awful and she wanted me to quit my job and stay home with her. (She wanted to move in with us.) Okay,anyway,after that morning I went back and my cousin,Lauri,was there. Somehow it seems Lauri can calm her down.

So,that brings me to yesterday. I slept in,because I worked until 10,and when I woke up mom asked if I wanted to bring Gram a coffee shake. Per her request. Anyway,we went to the closet McDonald's to get her one. Unfortunately, the lady at the window informed us that they replaced the coffee shakes with egg nog. We shrugged it off and got her strawberry.

I walked into the nursinghome,went to the elevators and headed up. I stopped at the nursingstation to say hi to the nurses,who have actually become friends,and Jen informed me,"Your cousin is in with her." Gram had been washed up,Linda,the head nurse,was in the bathroom emptying the water and Lauri was in setting up a little mini Christmas tree. I walked over,put the shake on the tray and I noticed something.

"Oh,you've got to be kidding me!" Lauri exclaimed.
"Oh,no way!" I said.

On the tray was a....COFFEE SHAKE!

Both of us starting laughing.

"I was going to get her strawberry," Lauri said. "but they replaced it with egg nog."
"We were going to get the coffee that she asked for but they replaced it with the egg nog." I told my cousin.

My cousin and Gram were having a wonderful visit so I quickly exited the room. Laughing the whole entire way. I stopped off at the nurses station again to inform Jen that Gram had not one but two shakes. I guess you had to be there.

Anyway, today is my day off. I actually have today and tomorrow off. My feet are sore,my head is hurting and all I'm thinking is this is terrific. I feel like I just accomplished something. Okay,off to relax and enjoy the rest of my two days off. Talk to you all soon.

Worthwhile

2011-12-02T11:19:00.000-05:00

Hi and happy Friday to all of you! Hopefully, the last few days have been wonderful and productive. Anyway, once again permit me to apologize for not being around much but I've been kind of busy the last few days.

Okay,so yesterday was my first official day of training for my new job. Due to the stores internet policey I cannot give a lot of specifics on my job but I will say I had a really good night last night. I spent the night working up front and my shift ended around 10 p.m. Tonight I'm working on the salesfloor and I'll be on until midnight. I'm totally looking forward to it!

Anyway, like I said,work is going well enough. I wish I could say the same for anything. Currently, I'm suffering from a nasty cold. It all started out with a simple little cough and over the next few days progressed into something that requires a lot of cough medicine and throat spray to cope with. Oh,and showers with lots of steam.

Today I feel a lot better then I did the other night.

Unfortunately,while I've been sick I haven't been able to go in and see grandma. Not that she's been doing very well anyway. The other day she has a huge tantrum but honestly that may be her last gasp. While we,meaning mom and I,were there the other day my aunt wanted to know if there was a possible UTI,which would effect grandma's brain,but as Karen,the lead hospice nurse,pointed out,"Even if that was the case drawing blood and all would do nothimg more then make her miserable and what would you do with it?" My mom,whose the medicale proxy,pointed out that since there's nothing that can be gained from the information having the tests done would be pointless so no more blood is being drawn. (Note: I know that sounds cruel but my grandmother bruises so easily that even drawing a little blood is a big deal.) We also recently noticed that gram is having trouble moving her arms and my aunt asked,"Can you test to see if she had a stroke?"

Once again we could but what good would it do? First, the issues with her liver can cause neurological damage and she's tired from her body fighting that so it's fatiguing her. The result? She can't move. I get it though. My aunt is looking for a quick fix for a serious problem. She's not ready to let go of Gram yet. It's not easy but honestly I made a point of letting all the conflicts go when Gram got sick. I feel guilty about nothing! I wish my aunt would do the same instead of spending the time fighting so hard and being so hyperdefensive! It would be better,and healthier,if she spent that time telling Gram she loves her and saying goodbye.

Look I can't say what she SHOULD do but that's what I"m thinking. Anyway, mom shot down the idea of all the neurological workups because they are pointless. Again. What would we do with them? Sure the doctor thinks drawing blood and all would be productive but considering my grandma is terminally ill we fail to see the point. Anyway,gram's back out of it and we're back to wondering when God will FINALLY take her home.

Of course then there's my aunt. To me this is the most heartbreaking. My aunt is the spitting image of my Nana. I hate that this is happening to her. She's always been one of my biggest cheerleaders and I just adore her. I hate that my family is dealing with this and it's not done yet.

Recently one of my cousins had a seizsure. Now I admit after dealing with the same issues with Austin I thought NOTHING of it. I figured it was no big deal. Well,yesterday my cousin announced that he has a brain tumor. We don't know if it's cancer yet but the tumor is a pretty complex spot. I'll keep you all posted on this.

I'm not sure what's left to say. Most of this is just sad and draining. I'm trying to find the brightsides. I mean I like my job,Good news!,my nephew is going to be born in about a month,and we may have a lead on a new place to live. Not really sure what comes next or how everything is going to work out. Talk to you all soon. Right now going to relax before I head off to work.

Everything Changes

2011-11-30T10:06:00.000-05:00

Greetings and happy Wednesday to all of my fellow journalers! Sorry for the lack of enteries but honestly since Thursday my life has been more insane,and stressful,then I EVER could've imagined. Oh,and it's not all good. In fact,let me start with the bad stuff that way I end on a highnote.

First,let me start by saying that in medical news things aren't good. My grandmother is not doing well at all. Yesterday we went by to visit her and she kept insisting that she was going to come with us. This comes on the heels of one of my cousins going to visit her,for the second time in a year I might add,and proclaiming that my grandmother does not belong in the nursinghome. Before I go any further let me just say I regret hurting my family but let me be totally honest,when I say,if ANYTHING happens to my grandmother not bothering with these clowns EVER,EVER again will not phase me.

I have been to see Gram almost everyday and honestly, I don't see how ANYONE can sit there and say,"She doesn't belong in the nursinghome." She's unable to get herself out of bed anymore,she cannot clean herself,she cannot get to the bathroom,and she's also haulucinating! Yesterday she had us taking garbage out of her hands that is not even there! Now apparently certain members of my family are wacky enought to believe that she doesn't belong there. I personally would like to know where THEY THINK she belongs! The person in question HAS NOT been to see her more then twice! I'm sorry BUT when you've been every SINGLE day you can voice an opinion but when you haven't I have but one request STFU!

Anyway, Gram is not the only medical heartbreak in my family! My favorite aunt is also terminally ill. Just yesterday we were informed that she has about 6 months to live,if she does not get treatment,but if she does she gets 18 months. The radiation has the same offer but the side effects suck sideways. She will have a hard time swallowing and various other issues.

Oh,and to top off my sister in law will find out in a few days whether or not she will be on bedrest for the remainder of her pregnancy.

Okay,so that's all the medical stuff and to be honest all of it is NOT good!

So,after all this trauma I must admit finding brightspots is NOT easy! There are a few but it's tough.

Let's start with last night. After a lot of stress and trauma I started my job at Target last night! I must admit that I am super excited! The orientation was interesting and I got my schedule for the next two weeks! I'll be training as a cashier tomorrow and starting hardlines on Friday! Tomorrow I will be working from 5 to 10 p.m. and then on Friday from 5 p.m. to 12 a.m.. Overall, I'm pretty happy with my schedule because it beats 4 hour shifts. According to one of the personel people I will have an easy time learning the register and most of my time will be spent working on the salesfloor anyway.

Okay,so if at some point in the next month I'm not around here's why.

I'm going to be moving. Recently,we were informed that our landlord is selling our apartment building and dad has started looking for us to move somewhere else. We have a few nice places lined up to look at and honestly I'm kind of excited. Our apartment is not exactly the nicest place and according to the new guy everything in the apartment has to be gutted.

Anyway, I'm not thrilled here, I hate this place and moving holds a lot of appeal. Keep you posted on how this all works out. Okay. Guess that's it. Off to relax and hopefully,kick this cold. Latta gators!

Thankful Thursday: Thanksgiving Edition 2011

2011-11-24T20:45:00.000-05:00

What can I say other then it's been a lonnngggg day! First, let me just say that I want to take a second to wish each and everyone of you a joyful and happy turkey day. It's Thursday,I made it through another week without killing anyone,and believe me I've had some LOVELY reasons,but instead of looking at all the minor annoyances,and the major ones, I'm going to instead focus on my blessing today.

1. Having a terrific meal at my sister's. We got to Tiff and FBIL's around 10 a.m. and I had a great meal. I kept pushing for dessert and finally had two pieces of the yummy chocolate pudding pie.

2. Getting to snuggle in bed and take a nap. It was nice to just relax and do nothing. I contributed cornbread and cheesecake but overall I ate and helped pack things up. When we got home I settled into bed,snuggled under my blankets and fell into a restful sleep until it was time to go to my brother's.

3. I have three adorable nephews. Austin and I spent the morning playing Connect 4 and Polar Bear bowling and Collin and I were singing songs and cuddling. I got to see baby Jaedyn's nursery tonight and watched him kick my sister in law. I know it sounds awful but I'm just super happy that I will have anouther beautiful,healthy little boy to light up my life.

4. The delicious cheesecake. I did make cornbread too and that was okay but I LOVED the made from scratch cheesecake I brought to my sister in law to satisfy her cheesecake craving. It was soooo yummy!

5. Not having to work Black Friday! Look, I love shopping as much as the next girl but wow! This state is going insane. Toys R Us is opening at 10 p.m. on Thanksgiving,Walmart at midnight and Target too. I'm all for working and earning cash but wow!

6. Going home and putting on warm pj's. Right now I'm relaxing at Tiff's,Collin is watching TV on the couch,but soon I'll go home,put on a movie,put on fleece pj's and go to sleep. Ahhh....me.

7. Contemplating the idea of a minor shopping spree and a mani/pedi after Christmas. It's been hitting me lately that I need to update my wardrobe and the best time to do that? After Christmas. I think I might even throw in a Vera Bradley bag for not destroying some lady at the store the other day who rammed a shopping cart into my ribs.

8. Eating a couple bites of the yummy ham my brother made. I have to give my little bro full props. The man can cook!

9. Being relatively healthier then I was last year. Ummmm...hypertension SUCKS!

10. Being done with this list. Think I officially O.D.'ed on turkey. I can barely keep my eyes open!

Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T09:59:00.000-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

Updates...updates...and did I mention more updates?

2011-11-23T18:56:00.000-05:00

Okay,so lately I feel like I've been living my life more then I've been journaling about it so I want to sincerely apologize if I'm a little more absent then I've been but there's a strong possibility. Anyway, I hope everyone is having a wonderful time in their lives. I cannot believe how insane my life has been.

So,let's start with my job interviews. First,let's begin with the one at Family Dollar,on Monday,and let me start off by saying any benefit of it being near my apartment,of it having great stuff in it,or anything are not enough for what I'd have to put up with. I mean for my part I felt I gave a really good interview but the fact is the manager did not make a good impression on me. He made some really awful statements about minorities,children and the job in general. I must admit that I get things can be stressful but if that's your attitude then you shouldn't be in retail.

I left the interview glad that he still had applicants to get through. One lousy job was enough.

The next day I had an interview at Macy's and honestly,with everything that's been going on I totally forgot about Target. I mean this background check thing really put a wrench in that plan. Anyway, on the day of the Macy's interview I went downstairs to get the mail and there was a letter from the place who did the background check and one from Target.

I opened the letter for the background check place and it declared me ready to work and then the letter from Target said if I'd heard from the personel manager,and the background check agency,I was to disregard the letter. Basically,it said they couldn't hire me. Fortunately, I dialed up the personel manager and she said,"No,you're setup for the 29th." After some thinking I decided to not go for the Macy's interview due to the fact that I already had a job and it would be highly illogical to try to work two.

After that I was feeling ambitious so I called Toys R Us and asked if my paycheck was in and went to pick it up.

I'm honestly looking forward to the 29th and my new job. Target was what I wanted all along and I'm finally glad that I have made this payoff.

Okay,despite all this I wish I could tell you life was getting easier. Things with gram are getting progressively worse. We have been going in every morning to see her and she's litterally unconscious when we visit. She can never remember that we've been there! Of course this being said we don't see her at her best! The other day when we went in to see her I found a breakfast tray cover and a bottle of nailpolish remover on her bed.

The first part didn't upset me,because hey,it happens,but the second part? Made me manic! I mean yes,the cover was on tight but it's still a toxic chemical. She's STILL on oxygen! I grabbed the cover and put it on the table and put the polish remover in the bathroom. To be honest, I KNOW who left that there and I'm not happy with that person to begin with so I won't go into who it was. I will say that I think it is very irresponsible to leave that there.

First, my grandmother is not lucid,no matter what this person thinks,and she is on oxygen. The medication is making her hallusinate so what if she had a hallusincation that this is a bottle of water and starts trying to drink it? Plus, the nurses shouldn't have to move my grandmother,upsetting her,because some knitwhit decided to paint my grandma's nails,Something I NEVER can recall her doing,and leave that there. Anyway, I'm just wondering if maybe the next time I go in I should have a conversation with the nurses about this?

Am I wrong to be worried about her?

Today I didn't get to go see Gram. Tomorrow we're having Thanksgiving dinner at Tiff and FBIL's house and afterward dessert at Den and Blondie's house. I decided recently that we needed to add some new recipes to the Thanksgiving menu. Anyway,this morning I was making cornbread for Tiff and FBIL's and cheesecake for Den and Blondie. I really am looking forward to getting to try them both...along with some other yummy stuff.

Apart from that there's not much else going on. I'm going to start Christmas shopping shortly and hopefully working a ton of hours. Right now I'm off to relax and read a book. Talk to you all later and in case I miss you tomorrow Happy Thanksgiving!

My Crazy Retail Rodeo

2011-11-18T14:30:00.000-05:00

The next week or so look like this:

11/21/2011: Interview at Family Dollar
                     1 p.m.

11/22/2011   Interview at Macy's
                     5:30 p.m.

Oreintation:
11/29/2011           Target
                              4 to 8 p.m.

Yup, if you had asked me a few days ago if my schedule would look like this I would've said,"You are insane!" but somehow it does. My schedule looks like an insanity filled rollercoaster.   Okay,so let's start from the top. Just in case some of you weren't playing along.

A few weeks ago Target couldn't hire me. I was bummed out,depressed,seriously contemplating retail Harry Carey,goggle the name if you're wondering,when suddenly Toys R Us called. Don't ask. Long story. Miserable. I quit yesterday and Macy's emailed.

Yay! Wooohooo! Happy dance!

I was thrilled for the opportunity but then today another one fell into my blessed,little lap. Family Dollar called! So,the above schedule is more insane but I am thankful. Keep you posted on this.

Another update today. This good news came on the heels of same sad news.

My aunt,the one diagnosed with lung cancer,has decided she doesn't want chemotheraphy. She said she feels sick enough. The doctor told her with chemo she could live for more then a year but without it she has abuot a year. After a lot of medical trauma I can kinda see why she wouldn't want it but I'm still really sad about the prospect of loosing someone who defends me so much,that I love so deeply and reminds me of my sweet nana.

As if this news wasn't bad enough I went to see Gram today. Her speech is going. I honestly can barely understand her when she speaks to me and I hate myself for not being able to understand the slurred speech and mumbles because it upsets her so deeply. I try and try but I can't understand her at all. I spent most of the visit trying to hide tears and holding her hand.

At one point she was so upset that I couldn't understand her that she started crying! I felt even worse then. She was asking me about Christmas,work and stuff but I didn't get it. Anyway, my aunt suggested that maybe gram needs speech theraphy. I don't see that being a real help. It will prbably just frusterate gram more but if she wants to try I say let her.

Later I'm going to be back at Tiff's while she runs out with FBIL. I'm actually looking forward to spending time with my boys before I start working. I also have some more housework to finish as well. For the most part the house is pretty clean but the stairs need to be swept and the counter needs to be cleaned. Okay,guess that's about it. Talk to you all later!

2011-11-18T08:22:00.000-05:00

Hey. all! Hopefully, this day finds you well and happy. Yesterday was a long,drawn out and emotional day. Well,sort of. So, anyway, I hope for more productive days in the weeks,and months,ahead but for right now I'll settle for days where I'm not tryong to guess at what other people are doing.

Okay,so my morning begain with me quitting Toys R Us. If you're wondering I wouldn't reccomend anyone work there. I know I was only there for about 4 days but seriously can someone please explain to me how you learn ANYTHING when the people that teach you could care less if you actually learn it? Anyway,after I quit there I started applying at more places for jobs and around 2 p.m. I recieved an email from Macy's.

My job interview is setup for Tuesday, November 22nd. at 5:30 p.m.. If I can I'm going to attempt to work both jobs until after Christmas but let's just hope I get past the interview first.

Last night was okay. Mom,Tiff,Tiff's friend and I went to a meat raffle at the Fairhaven VFW. Overall,not bad. None of us won anything but it was fun. We got home around 10 and I immediately changed into jammies and climbed into bed.

Today we have to clean the apartment so the new landlord can come see what it needs. I don't know what's going to happen but mom's already saying that if we have to move to Fall River we're not decorating for Christmas. I'm sort of hoping I can get a small tre so we can do a little bit. Still, I'm hoping that we can just get the guy living on first floor out of there and move downstairs. That would be much,much easier.

Actually, I'm hoping that this all gets put off until after Christmas.

Thanksigiving is first though. This year,as usual,we're going to Tiff and FBIL's. As it turns out there could be quite a crowd. My sister has a habit of inviting everyone. Even when her house cannot accomodate...EVERYONE! This year it would've been me,my parents,the boys,Tiff,FBIL,her aunt,two cousins,his brother,and maybe Den and Blondie. The first to back out where the aunt and the cousins,They will come for dessert.,and Den and Blondie were a maybe from the start.

There's a lot that goes into a Thanksgiving dinner,of course and this year there's the added stress of homemade pies. I keep telling her,"Buy them." but she's insistant. This year I'm also making cornbread too. Okay,guess that's it. Off to surf the web and then convince my mom we have to go home,We're at my sister's,and clean. Latta gators!

The Busier I Get

2011-11-17T09:22:00.000-05:00

Greetings,honeybugs! Okay,so I've been TRYING to write an entry for the last few days but honestly, every time I think I have things figured out something comes along and changes things. I am usually pretty adaptable but sometimes this is getting hard to take.

Okay,so let me start by saying if you are my friend on facebook you know things at Toys R Us have not been that fun for me. I thought I was doing okay, on Saturday,but I was told on Sunday I needed more training and then on Monday when I went into work I got the distinct impression I did something wrong but no one would tell me what it was. According to the cashier trainers I was fine on Saturday but by Monday my numbers were taken away and I only got an hours worth of actual training and my trainer was really rude to me. I spent the rest of the day on the salesfloor.

I left work feeling inept and totally stupid. After that I went into manic scramble mode. I called Target and the personel manager over there reschuedled my orientation for the 29th of November. In other words, I only need to fill the gap until then. I guess the thing is I'm so used to structure in retail and being told things when something goes wrong. I don't like walking around waiting for the proverbial axe to fall on my head.

Plus, I don't want to work 15 hours a week. 3 days off,for me,is WAY too many. I like working Sundays and all so just give me a chance.

Speaking of proverbial axes I have a lot of those in my life as of late. The apartment building my parents and I are living in is being sold. The gentleman that's buying it is actually a friend of my dad's and he wants us to stay. Only problem is the apartment will most likely need to be gutted. He wants to fix our bathroom,the bedrooms,the kitchen and on and on. Part of me is super excited but part of me is also cautious. Partly because if he guts the apartment he's talking about either moving us to the first floor,of the place we're in now,or to Fall River.

With everything that's going on right now the move to Fall River would be a real burdeon to us. The fact is Fall River is a far piece from here and mom is concerned that the move would make it hard for her to access gram on a regular basis.

Okay,that brings me to the medical updates on our family. Oh,and good grief aren't there a ton of those.

First, as many of you know, my favorite aunt was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months back. She went for surgery the day before my birthday and the doctor removed a lymph noode. He reccomended a round of chemo and radiation. She just started chemo and is having a really bad time. Yesterday she had a blood transfusion. Hopefully,she finishes out chemo and radiation is easier for her. Hopefully, I mean I doubt it but still...I'm optomistic.

The one thing I am not optomistic about is Gram. The last few weeks have been intensely difficult for her. Over a 3 day period she fell 3 times. Now she is not permitted to do anything by herself and boy is that making her crabby. We went to visit her the other day and she yelled at me after I attempted to help her with her glasses. She was so brutal with me that I actually needed to step out in the hall,have a good cry,and go back in. I love gram and I know a lot of time this is NOT her talking. It's the illness and the frusteration of being trapped in a body that just doesn't work anymore.

It's gotten to the point where she'll request things,like a strawberry frappe,and say,"I want to die!" Honestly, I cannot even tell you the number of times I have uttered the words,"Please,God,just take her home." because this is the life my grandmother NEVER wanted. She never would want someone to have to feed her,clean her up,wipe her ass or ANYTHING like that. Now she can't even go to the bathroom so I understand that she's having it rough. I don't know what she's holding out for but she is just so miserable!

In some good news,regarding me, I'm actually healthier then I've been in a while. The other day I went to get a b.p. check, because of a history of hypertension,and even my doctor was impressed. My b.p. is down to 112/72! That means despite all this stress I've actually been able to maintain a level of health that I NEVER have in the past.

I'm also planning on finding ways to keep my stress levels down and treating myself a lot better. That includes possibly getting a mani/pedi soon. Oh,and a subscription to a couple of my favorite magazines, Marie Claire,Glamour and Lucky,as well as spending more time meditating.

One thing that is making me intensely happy is,of course, getting to go out more. I go out almost every Thursday and I have a blast! It's not so much about going out and getting drunk, Mostly I stick to soda anyway,but it's just about getting to unwind.

Of course the boys are always big helpers. Sadly,Ary has gone onto bring joy to another family and now we're all focusing on the arrival of baby Jaedyn. It was hard to say goodbye to Ary but truthfully,the situation is for her benefit. She's being adopted by another family who can deal with her issues and I feel like Den and Blondie need to be able to embrace being Jaedyn's mommy and daddy.

I'm super excited for my little bear's arrival. I'm planning on getting him so sleepers and a book,"Goodnight Moon." for Christmas. I'm super excited to pick those up for him. I told Blondie that it was tradition that I buy the baby the first book. Plus, Goodnight Moon is a classic,no?

I have made my lists of what to get people of course,like I always do,and Collin is going to LOVE,LOVE,LOVE his gift. Recently, it struck me that most of Collin's ride on toys are hand me downs. This past weekend I was helping the boys make their Christmas lists and Collin suddenly went nuts. In a great way! He saw a Cars tricycle and actually insisted I put it on his list.

He never asks for ANYTHING to go on his list! So,guess what auntie's getting him? Yep!

Okay,that's it. Off to watch some TV and fill out more job applications, in case Target falls through. Latta gators!

Brilliant and Busy

2011-11-12T22:23:00.000-05:00

Greetings my loves. Hopefully,you're having a great night. Honestly, after not working for such a long period I must admit that I am just totally sore and exhausted. Okay,so as many of you know my job with Target is not looking too promising at the moment so I took a job with a local toy store hoping that number 1 I'd be able to make some money and secondly, I just was fed up with sitting around feeling badly about how awful things were.

This morning marked my first full day at the store in the front. Yesterday I had orientation and my personel manager offered me hours and I,of course, graciously accepted. My goal today was simple. Go in with an open mind. Learn as much as I could and be rining by the time my shift was over.

I actually not only managed to be running the register by the time I was at the midway point, My shift was from 10 to 2,but I also did a rewards card,a layaway,sold batteries and got a donation for Toys For Tots. I must admit I kind of wanted a spot on the salesfloor but I guess everyone has got to start somewhere so there ya go.

After work I punched out and I have to tell you I was starving. I was supposed to get a 15 minute break but it just never seemed to happen. I punched out a little after 2,with no schedule for tomorrow,and headed out to meet my parents. Surprisingly,they had Austin with them. I was glad to see him. I gave them the details on my day and we dropped dad at our house and Austin at his.

Mom and I had to head to Walmart to pick up a present for my 16 year old cousin's babyshower. While we were there mom offered to run to Taco Bell so I could at least get something to eat. Of course I accepted. We ran there,stopped at home,and then mom dropped me at Tiff's because I had agreed to watch the boys.

Don't ask why I didn't go to the babyshower. It's long and complicated. Anyway, right now both boys are asleep. Collin's upstairs in his bed and Austin's in the livingroom. Unfortunately I hit the realization tonight that there's no Earthly way I can carry Austin up the stairs alone. It's not that he's heavy but he's long and squirmy.

Plus,I just don't want to accidently drop him and waking him to bring him up is NOT an option.

While I was here I made the boys dinner,Austin had pancakes and Collin asked for a peanut butter sandwich,and I took them onto the website,for my job,and helped them set up their wishlist for Christmas. They have a lot of interesting stuff on their lists. Almost everything on Collin's is Disney related and Austin has enough Dragonball X stuff on his to keep him busy for the next 6 months.

I also have been doing a little browsing for myself. A few days ago I made a very important desicion. I need a cellphone. Not want. Need! The day of my orientation I had to leave the store right after and I looked around for a payphone. I found one at a local Walmart but the thing was is horrendous condition and I had to walk over a mile to get to it. I called Tiff twice before she finally figured out where I was and by the way,it was extremely windy and my paperwork from the store was nearly lost as it blew all over the parkinglot.

So,now I'm researching cellphone plans. The one I like best so far is the T-Mobile plan. I had attempted to get cellphones earlier in the week,for me,my sister,FBIL and my mom,but once my sister's name got into the mix,during the credit check,I wound up canceling the order and now I'm just trying to determine the very best way for me to take care of myself. The bottomline is I do indeed live in a world,as do we all,where a cellphone is no longer a luxary and I do not ever want to have to walk a mile to use a poorly maintained payphone and how long will that phone be there anyway?

So,now I'm off to check on the boys and relax on my sister's couch. Honestly, my legs are THROBBING and I am just wiped out. Talk to you all soon. Latta gators!

Birthday Chaos

2011-11-11T08:08:00.000-05:00

Hello to everyone and thanks to everyone for the sweet birthday wishes whether it be here or on Facebook. Hopefully, you're having a fantastic day. Currently, I am sitting here looking at the clock and dressed in what I call "buisness casual" attaire. There's a perfectly good reason for the last part and here it is.

Yesterday I went for a job interview. Let's just say that after the whole situation with Target I was feeling pretty down. How come every time I try to do the right thing,things go horrifically wrong? Well, anyway,rather then focus on what's wrong with my life I perfer to focus on what's right. So, rather then sitting around,feeling low,I went to another job interview. This one is at a local toy store and it was actually a lot of fun.

I won't go into too many details. With all the issues with my social security I'm still a bit gun-shy but my new boss has pretty much concluded that I am a good find. In any case the job is temporary,at the moment,and I start my orientation at 11 a.m.. The situation with Target goes as follows. There's nothing to report.

I'm STILL waiting for the agency that performs the background check to get back to me, Target will still not permit me to work and honestly,this mess will take anywhere from 5 to 24 days,according to one woman,and 7 to 15 to another I just realized that I cannot wait around for something to happen! So,I took the job and I'm supposed to have orientation,for Target,on Tuesday. The thing is with the timeline the agency gave me it will NOT be worked out by Tuesday.

After my two interviews,last night, I headed off to celebrate my birthday. Didn't do much celebrating. My sister made me dinner,then she,FBIL,mom and I headed out to the Fairhaven VFW. It was relatively quiet and later tonight I'll be having my birthday cake. My mom wound up taking me out for lunch. It was really nice!

Not much else is going on. I'm going to Tiffany's in a bit and then off to work! Talk to you all later. Latta gators!

Life is A'Changing

2011-11-10T09:49:00.000-05:00

Grettings on this rainy and interesting November. 10th. For those of you who don't know today is my 32nd birthday! Yeah,happy birthday to me. Hopefully,it's a happy one because there's a lot of stress and drama going on in my life.

Let me start by saying that I've hit a snag at Target. Here's the way it breaks down. My social security number has been an issue for YEARS! It would appear that my social security number is some ones state ID number. If you're wondering this causes massive problems for me. I cannot electronically file taxes. Anyway, so like I was saying, on Tuesday I was running errands all day,came home and found Angel had totally trashed the house. It was so bad it required that I actually had to have my mother come up and help me clean up. While mom was finishing up I went downstairs and grabbed the mail.

On the top of the stack was a letter Target. According to the letter, the background check performed by the store came back to another person. Needless to say,the store couldn't complete the background check and I had to go fix this problem. My first stop was the social security building where I was told,"This is your social security number." and so then I headed off to fax the information to the place that does the background check.

Anyway,long story short I won't know anything for a while with regards to Target. I am just holding out hope. Anyway, all is not lost. I have the paperwork now and last night I restarted my process of filling out applications. Nonstop! Well,luckily, Toys R Us called around 6 and if this all works out at the end of next week,or so, I could have two jobs!

Okay,so stress has been the way of things lately. Grandma is not doing well at all! She's having more and more issues. Yesterday she even fell out of her chair. She wasn't hurt physically but she was in bed when I came back to deliver a strawberry milkshake. The only words we actually understood was the request for the shake and the request for death.

That last one broke my heart but I accepted months ago that grandma is going to pass away.

Speaking of people leaving someone else is no longer part of my family. I'm sad but you'll notice that the princess birthday counter is gone. Regardless of what happens I wish the princess the very best! I'm now counting down until the day my baby Jaedyn arrives.

So,how exactly am I spending my birthday?

Well, I woke up this morning and went to b ring my dad to work. Right now I'm checking my facebook page,watching Austin,Poor little man's home from school with a migraine,I have my interview,for Toys R Us,at 3 p.m. and hopefully my orientation for Target on Tuesday. (Fingers crossed that I can work all this drama out!)

Right now I'm off to snuggle with my godson,then later take a shower and get ready for my interview. Lots of love and latta gators!

Random Tursday Thoughts

2011-11-08T12:01:00.000-05:00

1. Just to show what an immature person I am let me rely this funny,Well,at least to me,story. Yesterday I was in the grocery store,waiting in line,when a man came over the intercom and announced,"We have our nuts out on isle 1." Yes, I laughed like a child. Yes, I found this statement hilarious. What can I say? I have a really,drastically immature sense of humor.

2. Feeling really good about the Bruins today. The other night they beat the Maples Leafs 7 to 0! Impressive considering the Leafs have a super high scoring team and last night they beat the Islanders 5 to 2. My psuedo-hubby,Tyler Seguin,is super awesome. He scored a hat trick against the Leafs the other night. Yay!

3. Starting to flesh out my Christmas list for my family. Contemplating what to get everyone in my family. I don't buy for extended family but I'm considering making cookies and stuff. I have some killer recipes I might have to pull out. We shall see!

4. Bumped into one of my favorite tee-ball kids the other day! So excited. He's moved up to play for a friend of ours and I'm so happy! The kid is awesome and he asked me the other day,"Can I have a copy of the team schedule so I can come watch you guys play?" Looking forward to next season for sure.

5. Okay,so now some crazy broad is running around claiming Justin Beiber is her baby daddy. Honestly,I get the wanting a payday thing but WHY would you admit that? If Justin Beiber was my baby daddy I'd rather have friggen anyone else.

6. In other interesting celeb gossip news apparently Kim Kardashian went to visit her hubby in Minnisota. She apparently had a conversation with him,his pastor,and his family apologizing for the mess she created. I think it's the right thing to do but Kris Humphries found out his marriage was ending via the internet. That sucks! If you're going to file for divorce at least be woman enough to tell your hubby to his face!

7. Got to find my cornbread recipe for Thanksgiving at my sister's. I have a delicious recipe that involves green olives and cheddar cheese. If anyone wants it I'll post the recipe.

8. Song of the week is the remake of Footloose by Blake Shelton. Normally,I am not a gigantic fan of remakes but I LOVE the way Blake redid this song. It's ALMOST like you forget Kenny Loggins ever recorded it because Blake did such an incredible job!

9. Going to be taking Austin to see The Muppet Movie in a few weeks! I'm super excited!

10. I had to laugh the other day when Kody Brown discouraged a fellow polyigimist from adding more wives. The guy is in a faith that encourages plural marriage and he's telling a fellow believer,"NO,don't do it. " I do like the message he gave about making sure that your wife is comfortable with him adding on. I don't think the Brown's are bad people or even that they are making mistakes by having multiple wives and children so that's okay. I think the Browns are a better family then those herpy chirpy Duggars.

11. Too much sugar today. Damned raspberry square. I feel like I'm going to heave.

12. Went to vote today! I have been a really politically conscious person since I was a kid. When I turned 18 I called the election office and got my voter registration!

13. Going to have chilli dogs for lunch. I had a raspberry square and now I'm completely overloaded on sugar! UGH!

14. Big pet peeve of the day. People who drop f bombs to describe ANYTHING! It's just off putting.

15. Sleepy...sleepy,cranky,crabby. Ugh and yuck!

16. I am developing a serious obsession with the show 1,000 Ways to Die. Ron Perlman,he plays Clay on S.O.A.,narrates the show and some of the stuff is really interesting. Of course I try to pretend I'm not sad but some of the people that die are real douchebags so go figure.

17. Speaking of S.O.A. I found it really interesting that Clay killed Piney and now has set his sights on Tara. I think Jax will wind up killing Clay by the end of the series.

18. Castle's not on again until November 22nd. Kinda bummed. Last nights episode was really interesting but am I the only one thinking that Nathan Fillion looks a little ummm...pudgy or was it just the Elvis costume?

19. Okay,so overall Law and Order SVU has been okay without Stabler. I miss the chemistry Chris Meloni and Mariska Hargitay had but I actually do like the new cops so that's good.

20. Speaking of Mariska congratulations to her and her hubby,Peter,on their newest addition to their family. They adopted a 3rd child in less then 6 months. I am so happy for them. Okay,and now I'm off to eat lunch. Latta gators!

The New Addition

2011-11-05T11:05:00.000-04:00

If I hadn't mentioned it before on Tuesday my sister in law and brother went for a 3D ultra-sound. Jaedy is doing really well. He's up to three pounds and as you can tell from this lovely 3D ultra-sound picture he's quite a adorable little guy as well.

How Is that Possible?!

2011-11-04T12:45:00.000-04:00

Greetings my loves and happy Friday to you all! Hopefully you're having an excellant Friday with lots of fun and enjoyment in store. I must admit I'm dragging a bit today. Why? Well,remember what I said lately I'm trying to build a life.

Occasionally,that life will include going out. Yesterday that life included going to get my drug test done and going to the Fairhaven VFW with my mom,my sister and my sister's BFF,Mildred. Okay, now permit me to explain something about this. First, I am the only single person in the group of people I hang out with. Everyone else is either in a relationship or coming out of a long term relationship. Translation: Divorced,seperated and extremely bitter.

Last night I went out with mom,Tiff and Mildred and I went to the Thursday night meat raffle at the VFW. Mom's been married over 30 years,Mildred has been with her hubby for 13 years and Tiff's just been married roughly 14 1/2 months. Now I'd love to sit here and tell you it's all fun,we just have the most fantastic time but apparently the girls have taken this opportunity to ummm....complain about their spouses.

Oh,and for Mildred it's basically her telling everyone how her husband is her "bitch". (That's her word,not mine.) She and Tiff,and after hearing some stuff recently I feel my sister has a very valid reason to complain,spend half the time harping about how miserable they are and with Mildred,after seeing the way she treats her husband,it's more then that. It's basically telling me that I don't get it because I'm not married.

Look, I want to be married someday but I also know what I DON'T want. I don't want to be the kind of wife whose husband is embarassed by her. Last night we were driving home and Mildred said that she yells at her husband in public only when he acts like a "know it all" or embarasses her. Part of me was tempted to ask,"Isn't yelling at a man in public more embarassing? They don't know WHY you're screaming like a banshee but what they do know is now you look like some bitch wife whose ALWAYS screaming."

I stayed quiet though until mom and I got upstairs. I finally turned around and said,"You know with the way you three talk about marriage it makes me wonder why I would even want that!" Seriously! These three women sound M-I-S-E-R-A-B-L-E! For what it's worth,at least in Mildred's case,it certainly makes me wonder HOW THE FRIG IS SHE MARRIED AND I'M SINGLE?!?! REALLY?!

Look,maybe I don't get it. I'm not married,as Mildred and Tiff LOVE to point out. I believe in treating a man like a man. When I'm in a relationship,after a lot of mistakes I've made, I realized that I never want to be called "that bitch who nags me". I never want my husband to feel like he has to go play poker or shoot pool to get away from me. He can go but not to get away from me. I believe,and maybe this is where I differ from them,that you have no right to treat a man with disrespect or call him names,like "bitch".

After hearing over and over again how I "don't get it." Somehow we segwayed onto the subject of sex. I won't go into details but needless to say,I feel like a mutant freak now. At one point Mildred said she didn't need that and I said,"Well,it's the electronic age. No one's ever gone without that long." (P.S. Yes, it's a vibe joke and not a horribly good one.) She started going off on me and saying,"I won't EVER need that!" It was like she was OFFENDED!

Ummm...excuse me. I'm sorry. Can someome please explain to me but AM I THE ONLY GIRL LEFT ON EARTH WHO LIKES SEX?!?! REALLY?! Oh,and yes, I made that joke in front of my mom but hey,c'mon! I was stunned. See,I think maybe I do come at things with the "single girl" mentality. I believe it's not okay to make an ass of yourself in public or disrespect your guy in front of others. I believe in letting a guy watch sports and do things his own way. This one I caught BIG flack for but my thought is this. If your husband is doing something and it's not the way you would do it as long as it gets done does it really matter?

I guess what I'm saying is in hanging out with all these wives I can see the exact kind of wife I NEVER,EVER want to be. Yes, Mildred's husband can be a jerk but I think it's sort of like the kid whose getting the negative attention. He knows he'll get the attention for being bad. My thought is maybe Mildred's husband is pissing her off simply to get her attention. I guess negative attention is better then NO attention at all.

Still, I know my ideal man is out there and if he ever gets the chance to read this I just want to promise you some things,hun! I promise I will always take you aside if you do something that bugs me in public so I can tell you. I won't embarass you or interupt you when you're in the middle of a sporting event. (Well,for one thing but I promise you'll be happy.) I promise I won't call you a "bitch" unless I am intense pain! (This will make it easier when we're in the delivary room.)

Anyway,guess that's what I'm thinking. Now just waiting for Austin to come home and watch Collin bowl. Latta gators!

Thankful Thursday

2011-11-03T18:01:00.000-04:00

1. Getting the job at Target. Went for the drug test today and orientation on Thursday and I am officially a Target employee. It's going to be fun and I am looking so forward to working hard and getting to meet a lot of new people.

2. Jaedyn is a healthy and adorable baby. My sister in law,Blondie,posted a picture of my little bear on FB and let me just say if he comes out even remotely close to the 3D ultra-sound I'm going to be hearing,"Jaedyn has a girlfriend."....in the maternity ward. He's a doll!

3. My niece is a beautiful,funny and inquizative child! I love Ary and had a blast with her the other night. I just hope that things work out the way I hope for a totally believe that would be the very best thing for Ary.

4. Going out with the girls tonight! Meat raffle at the VFW sounds lame but they have a band coming after. It's going to be SOOOO much fun!

5. 7 days until my birthday. Luckily,for me,according to J,I do not look my age. He teased me yesterdya that because,"You're a Massachusetts girl the ice in your blood is making you look younger."

6. Getting to talk to J. I didn't realize how much I missed him or how much I wanted to spend time iwth him until I was at the point where I finally worked out a lot of stuff and now I just realize that we can be friends and talk without being a mess.

7. Austin and Collin. What can I say? I absolutely adore my nephews. They are the cutuest little boys in the world! Love them!

8. Halloween. With the notable exception of my sister's neighbors kid I must admit I had a blast with the kids. Collin was telling people,"Trick or treat." , "Have a good night." and "I love you."

9. Possibly going to get a mani/pedi when I get my first paycheck. Keep you posted on that. I have some bills to pay but we'll see.

10. Having fun last weekend with my family and friends.

It's Getting Interesting!

2011-11-03T09:18:00.000-04:00

Hi.guys! Hope you're all having a great day or at least attempting it! Right now I'm just relaxing,watching some baseball talk,and soon I'll be off to take my drug test for Target.

Funniest part?

Last night I got a call from VF Factory Outlet and Olive Garden. Still sticking with Target. Talk to you all later!

On Target!!!!!!

2011-11-02T13:42:00.000-04:00

Well...to make a long story short.....

I GOT THE JOB AT TARGET!!!!

Oh,and yes, it's more then 8 bucks an hour!

Dwelling In Chaos

2011-11-01T14:28:00.000-04:00

Every once in a while I manage to convince myself that my life is not total insanity. Seriously! How I manage it is I tell myself,"Everyone has a life like this." and by the way I'm totally sure they do but sometimes it feels like that's not exactly true either. Okay,so let me start by saying I am totally amazing at the astonishing lack of updates I've done recently.

So,let me start with why there's been no updates. I have been insanely busy lately. Rather then sitting home on a Friday night,wishing I had a life,I decided that going out was a better choice. Instead of sitting home, I go out to the Fairhaven VFW,listen to some music,play a game,have some drinks,eat and come home. It's actually a nice distraction from the other stuff that's going on. Anyway,here's the rest of it.

First, let me start with the job hunt. For the last few weeks this feeling that I should be doing something has been clawing at me. This includes working as well as going out. For the most part I applied at places I knew would be hiring for "seasonal" help. My first interview was last Thursday,at Kmart,and I suppose it went okay. I must admit I wasn't thrilled with what I heard though.

I strolled in about 3 to be interviewed on a wet and rainy Thursday. My interview was conducted by the personel manager,Typical in retail.,and four other potential associates. We were ushered into the breakroom,which was basically a rickety table and two vending machines,where we were informed of three things that put me off on the job almost immediately. First, it was only part time. No biggie. Except all the senior associates have been there roughly 30 years! In other words, my goals of advancement and a long tenure,in a possible managment position, NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. My second issue was just that no chance of moving up and lastly, according to the personel manager, the way hours are determined is by how many things you can do. Can you get people to get the Kmart card,can you get Sears credit cards applications and lastly they've been in a salary freeze for the last 3 years. So provided you can do the impossible,sign people hit hard by an economic downturn for a credit card,you only get paid 8 bucks an hour IF YOU GET THE STINKIN HOURS!

The next day I was torn. Do I return for the interview? Do I not? Eventually, I drew the conclusion,after some math,that the job was not worth it. Once you subtract taxes,a lack of hours, Part time in retail means you basically get 28 hours,and gas money I would actually be more then broke. I'd have no money at all. A lot of people were down on me not taking the opportunity but hey, I need to be able to help my parents and owing them money is not helpful so I applied to about 100 more places and held my breathe.

Tomorrow is my interview at Target. I'm hopeful that it's going to be more promising.

In other news, today I'm hanging out at my sister's house. The boys are home from school due to a teachers meeting. Good news considering last night we went trick or treating as usual but later then usual. The boys did really well. Growing up my sister,my brother and I went trick or treating in this neighborhood. It's an absolutely amazing place. The houses are gorgeous,the vibe is just so fun and I honestly hope that someday I can buy a house there so I can raise my kids in this neighborhood that I love so much. It's perfect.

Anyway, we got there around 7,with Tiff,FBIL,the boys,my parents, Tiff's neighbor and his son,and Tiff's friend,her hubby and son,and the whole neighborhood takes about 2 1/2 hours to complete. You walk it,all the way around,and with the way my dad does it you wind up right back at the cars. We stopped off at Burger King for a quick snack and then headed off to my mom's friend's house so she could see Austin.

Unfortunately,we just missed her and then we headed home. Mom and I curled up,played cards and watched TV while we waited.

Honestly, the next three days are going to chaotic but today I'm looking forward too. A few days ago my brother called and asked if I'd watch my niece. Reason being is they are heading up to Kingston for a 3D ultra-sound of baby Jaedyn. Last night I messaged and asked if they could drop her at Tiff's so she could play with Austin while I babysat.

Oh,and wait that's not all. It seems like everyone in my family is getting sick.

First,there's my aunt who was diagnosed with lung cancer. She's in stage 3 which obviously means the it's in the lymph noodes. She is having surgery on the 11th. Yes, I'm aware that's Veterans Day but I'm hoping since her son and grandson are both former military personel that will be a good sign. She is going to need chemo and raditiation but she's a fighter so I'm holding a postive thought.

The second person is my cousin. Actually,my great-cousin. She is really close to my mom and today mom spoke to her to fill her in on all the details of what's going on with Gram,more on that in a second,and informed her that she has a lump in her breast and it will be biposied soon. I hate this! Every single time I turn around it seems like someone is sick or on the verge.

Okay,so now an update about grandma. We went to visit her the last few days and unfortunately,she has not been lucid. Her liver is failing and honestly,it's causing her a lot of pain. The doctor's and hospice care put her on a pretty strong regimn of pain medications but there was one nasty side effect. My grandmother was a zombie. The nurses cut the dosages and now she's okay but she's depressed.

We,mom and I,went to see her and she basically chewed us out for not going to see her! Yeah,you read that right. NOT going to see her. We'd been everyday but she just did not remember us and that was heartbreaking. We informed her that we had been every day and she went onto tell us,"You have no idea what I'm going through and you NEVER will!"

I admit my grandmother is living the life she never wanted. She has to be changed,Yes,she's in adult diapers now.,she has to fed and she cannot get out of her chair by herself. She spends most of her time in her roommate in her room. Hospice still comes in almost every day to check on her, Pastor Ken visits but she's just having a really hard time.

The other day she looked at me and said,"I am ready to go and God just won't take me."

Part of me thinks that it's completely what she believes but I think this stuff with my uncle is what's preventing her from departing. She's had family visiting but sadly she cannot remember it. We have to limit what we bring her to eat and she is just not able to remember whose been to see her or when they've been. It's so sad!

Anyway,this morning we got a call from one of her nurses,Charlene,informing us that she had fallen out of her chair. Technically,gram is supposed to press the buzzer anytime she needs anything,or ring her bell,but she NEVER does. She would rather do it herself. Recently,the nurses went as far as attaching a buzzer to my grandmother's clothes. Every time she moves it goes off. She hates it but it's for her own safety.

Anyway,this morning the buzzer went off and the nurses went in. As it turns out my grandmother had fallen on the floor,scraped her knee,and was laughing! She wasn't hurt,nothing broken,but what they wanted to do was figure out all of that mess. Needless to say, we're not thrilled. Gram is so stubborn and boy has she been in a nasty mood lately! I love her to pieces but I think we're just at the point where death would be welcome at this point! I guess she just deserves peace.

Okay,so big day tomorrow. Off to play Jenga with Austin and watch Care Bears with Collin. Latta gators!

Random Tuesday Thoughts

2011-11-01T09:32:00.000-04:00

1. Okay,so last night was Halloween! My favorite holiday of the whole,entire year I spent the day carving pumpkins,taking the boys trick or treating,and then later playing cards with my mom. Okay,and watching Castle and stuff. Lots....lots....lots of fun.

2. So, if you're wondering so sorry for the lack of updates! I've been pretty busy lately with applying for jobs and trying to do a million and a half dozen things at once! I had an interview at Kmart,and no it didn't go well,and tomorrow I have an interview at Target.

3. For those of you wondering my nephews dressed up as Goku,from Dragon Ball Z,and Lighting McQueen's pitcrew was for Collin. I didn't see Ary last night,Other then on Facebook,but she was a witch and looked adorable!

4. So, congratulations to the St. Louis Cardinals and Tony La Russa. So much for the Red Sox Nation fans who wanted Tony to come manage for the Sox but he retired. Honestly, I don't want him. I think we need a new voice and someone without the major ammount of managerial experience. I personally would love to see Mike Lowell but he has no desire to manage other then his son's tee-ball team. Good for him!

5. In one of the worst kept secrets in Hollywood Jessica Simpson is preggers. Congrats to her! It's going to be interesting to see if she even attempts topping her sister,Ashlee,in the weird choice of baby names catagory. Stiff competition if she attempts. Jessica's nephew is named Bronx Mogili.

6. More celebrity gossip from,of course,Kim Kardashian! I am amazed that after spending so much flippin' cash on that friggen wedding Kim Kardashian announced that she and her soon to be ex-hubby,Kris Humphries,are getting divorced! 72 days! The whole situation with my ears lasted longer then Kim K's marriage! Good grief!

7. My song of the week selection is by "Someone Like You" by Adele. Heard it on VH1 the other night and I love it. Amazing song.

8. Another bit of celebrity gossip congratulations to the Brown family on the show Sister Wives. Robyn and Kody Brown welcomed Solomon a few days ago. What a cutie! I must admit that the show is getting more intense as the time's going along! Recently,the issue with inter-sibling violence between Peyton,Christine and Kody's son,and Aurora, Robyn and her first hubby's daughter,that drove first wiffe Meri to call the kids out on it. I agree with EVERYTHING she said. I mean I get that siblings frequently don't get along but damn those older kids are horrific. Punching your siblings is normal but the teens just don't seem to understand that their parents DID NOT have a choice in how things went down in Utah. The fact that Kody and the wives are on a reality show meant EVENTUALLY the whole plyg thing would come out and it was better to be ahead of it.

9. Surprisingly enough no major movie channel ran Dracula last night! I was a bit surprised seeing as they usually run it EVERY Halloween. Oh,and p.s. if you want to watch a great Halloween movie check out Rob Zombie's Halloween. Really good flick!

10. Nine more days until my birthday. Someone please explain to me how,at not quite 32, I still manage to be surrounded by drama and chaos. Lovely!

11. Had a lovely ice cream from Burger King last night. Just a cone. It was super simple and yummy!

12. Still dragging and tired. Seriously! Hope I can grab a nap later.

13. So,still applying for tons of jobs. I'm hopeful the Target job but if not I'm also applying for the school department,which I will continue with,and possibly substitute teaching. I also am looking into working as a cashier, in the cafeteria,and various other jobs. Keep you all posted on how that's going.

14. Can't wait to catch the new Muppet Movie sooner or later. I am planning on taking Austin to the movies to see it. Should be so fun.

15. Stomach cramps are no fun but at least they aren't menstrual cramps. Those are awful!

16. Helped Austin price out his candy today. The little guy is charging quite a bit for candy. UGH!

17. I think this is the first random Tuesday thoughts I've done in the morning rather then at night. I have a lot less energy now for some reason and the thoughts are far,far more random.

18. So,my interview is tomorrow at 9 a.m.. Wish me luck. I'm really just eager to get to work. I have alot of hope for this one but I'm trying to remind myself I did for the other job as well and that did not work out.

19. Oh....grandma's stubborness strikes again! Grandma fell. She's got a scrapped knee. They are going to X-ray but she appears fine. Keep you all posted.

20. Okay,off to fill out more job applications and stuff. Talk to you all later.

Can Ya Hear Me Now?!

2011-10-22T00:22:00.000-04:00

My ears and I have a love/hate relationship to say the very least. So,this said let me start at the beginning. Growing up I had numerous ear infections. Over the years this has not changed. My ears and I are okay in terms of music,in terms of picking up different things but for the last few weeks something weird happened.

Slowly the hearing in my right ear started to fade. The last few days have been exceptionally difficult and stressful. More and more I've been in pain,my cousin called the other day to inform us that my favorite aunt was diagnosed with Stage 3 lung cancer,and Gram's medication has been changed to fit her symptoms.

Translation: They put her on stronger meds!

There's some other stuff going on too but I REALLY can't go into that. Anyway, after roaming around,totally miserable,and finally today I decided to call the clinic I am a paitent at. Guess what? No walk-ins. Mom decided to take me to the hospital and this is where the "fun" begain.

I have to sign in. I cannot hear spit so I cannot hear all the questions from the lady signing me in. So, the ER is divided into 2 sections. The area you wait in to be taken in to have the vitals recorded and the area you wait in to be called in for treatment.

My anxiety level is up through the roof. Luckily,my wait wasn't too long. They moved me to opposite side,after which the nurse promptly took my vitals, BP down!,and ushered me into an exam room. The NP,nurse practioner, Roxy,whose my favorite, came in and tool to examine my ears.

"I can't even get this in." she said. "There's too much wax. I'm going to have the nurse come in and clean them."

Mom suddenly got a look on her face because I had no idea what was coming.

Seconds later the nurse strolls in with a syringe,Colace,and cottonballs.

"I'm going to take the Colace,which is a stool softner,and squirt it into your ears." she says. "It may take a few shots."

Fastforward 20 minutes,mom went to the bathroom,the nurse has returned,with mom behind her and she has another syringe and more cotton.

At this point I may have nightmares. Two huge gauze dropclothes are placed on my shoulders, the syringe is filled with water,the cotton is removed and a bedpan is placed on the left side of my head.

The warm water is shot into my ears and after three or four more squirts my left ear is clear. Somewhere along the way I lost my gauze covering and the leftside of my sweatshirt is SOAKED! Oh,and that's not the worst part yet. Roxy made it abundantly clear that the right side was going to be significantly worse then the left.

Sure enough it was! My mom had to get on left side to keep my head still. My right side was soaked,with the warm water and Colace mixture,in no time flat. The sound of rushing water in my ear freaked me out and I honestly thought my ear was full at certain moments only to discover it was not and the nurse just kept going.

Soon my ears were cleaned and Roxy informed me that the cleaning really helped! No infections. The thing that honestly distrubed me,other then the whole experience overall,was the nurse showing me all the junk that had come out of my ears.

The water was full of gunk! I was mortifyed.

"See," the nurse said. "some of the wax is dark brown,some of it has green flecks in it,and some of it is even black! No matter what you did you would NEVER have been able to clean that completely."

We were only at the ER for about a half an hour before I was discharged. Hearing has it's drawbacks,that's for sure but on the brightside I'm hearing things better. Recently,Ary was singing to me,at the babyshower,and I couldn't hear her.

Austin told me she was singing,"I love my La-La. She's the best!" (Note: My Oh so adorable 2 year old niece calls me La-La.) Oh,and she had to yell in my face to get me to color with her.

After I finished up mom and I stopped off at Tiff's. Collin arrived home a few minutes later and we sat together watching Care Bears II. Collin has a counselor who comes to the house and he was super surprised when he walked in and Collin was curled up in my lap talking to me.

"Collin,you have baby hair." I said running my fingers through his hair.

"No have baby hair." he said. "I have Collie hair."

Too cute. Later on,after dinner, Austin had won tickets for the New Bedford High School football game,for good attendance at school. We stayed for a little bit at the game and then headed home.

Now I'm off to bed. Austin has bowling later and I'm going out later on. Okay,so that's it. Good night!

We Want to Know Wednesday

2011-10-19T15:04:00.000-04:00

Another We want to Know Wednesday featuring Mamarazzi,Queso and Crazymama. Hope you all enjoy!

{1} When was the last time you lost your temper? Honestly,the last time I lost my temper was when my aunt called to squeal on my grandmother. My grandmother has a liver illness that results in her needing medication which causes some really nasty side effects. Translation: The runs. Anyway,after being sick for 3 days my grandmother refused her medication and I guess her doctor didn't like that so he,who also happens to be my aunt's doctor, told my aunt,"Oh,your mom is refusing her medication." I honestly lost my temper for two reasons. First, my grandmother's doctor has no right to share this information with my aunt. Why? Simple. She is not responsible for my grandmother's medical care. My mom is! She is my grandma's proxy so he should've called her and he didn't. Second, my grandmother is 81 years old and barring any liver malfunctions she is in her right mind so calling to tattle is pathetic. I don't want my grandmother not taking her medication but if she's constantly sick I don't blame her for not wanting to take it. I just flipped out because first,the doctor is already on my list. He basically stated that my grandmother doesn't need hospice care, which she wants,he is snotty sometimes and if he has an issue with hospice he SHOULD NOT be projecting his personal biases onto my grandmother's treatment and lastly,he should,under no circumstances,be crying ot my aunt about what my grandmother is doing. She's a grown woman,my mom's her proxy and he has a responsibility to just provide my grandmother the best treatment he can. Whether he agrees or disagrees is totally irrelevant.

{2} What 3 words best describe you? Smart,tough and sweet. I guess those are the three words that I like best to describe me. I wish they were a little more accurate on certain situation but as you can see by the answer above I'm pretty stubborn.

{3} What movie could you watch over and over again and never get tired of? Probably "The Wizard of Oz", "Mean Girls" or "The Simpsons Movie".

{4} If you could do something dangerous, just once, with no risk, what would you do? Probably bungeejumping.

{5} Which is more important intelligence or common sense? I tend to think they both go hand and hand.

Birthday Wishlist

2011-10-18T13:07:00.000-04:00

I'm not suggesting anyone buy me anything for my birthday but I definitely am going to make myself happy imagining what I could wind up with. This pink Guess watch is TOTALLY awesome!

Cute purple Coach bag! I love it! It's sooo cute!

Red Sox Throw blanket. Something warm and snuggly. Love it!

Babyshower Recap

2011-10-17T16:10:00.000-04:00

There's a mystical,magical moment that occurs when a couple gets married or has a baby. That's the moment that two families join together for to build an extended family. In the case of my sister that magical moment occured early on. We met FBIL's aunt/mother, She legally adopted him and his brother as small children!,when Collin was born. In the case,of my brother with him and Blondie getting married at the j.p. we didn't have that magical moment until last night!

Honestly,I have to admit this has been one of the oddest babyshowers I have ever seen. I had no hands in the planning other then helping with the location and I must admit that I was miserable yesterday. Sick as a dog and honestly,if it had been ANYONE other then my sister in law and my brother I would NEVER,EVER have gone to a shower. I was miserable!

Anyway, yesterday I woke up,after roughly 3 1/2 hours of broken sleep,and headed to my sister's to cook keilbasa and brown sugar and beans,lingusa and hamburg. I wound up doing that,heading home to get some rest,and then headed back to my sister's to get our present together for baby Jaedyn.

We arrived slightly late,I will one day do an entry on the insanity of the Fairhaven bridge,but what you need to know right now is the bridge was under major contstruction. So,we had to take a backroad and head to the hall. Oh,and prior to the arrival at the hall my mom's phone was ringing off the hook because they didn't have enough tables. (Note: My sister in law and brother basically hijacked the shower and Tiff and FBIL helped to show up to decorate.)

So, put all the anxiety and bad feelings about being sick aside and we arrive at the shower. The hall was crowded! I would guess there was close to 100 to 115 people! There was food EVERYWHERE! I do mean EVERYWHERE! The centerpieces were beautiful and I LOVED it! When we first got there I took a second to help Den with the dessert table and we walked around meeting Blondie's family and then we got in line to get food.

At the end of the night we all sat on the floor and watched my sister in law and brother open gifts! Mom,Tiff and I actually put a lot of thought into what to get Jaedyn. The other day mom was at the local thrift store and Tiff and I wondered next door to a clothing store,Primarily so Tiff could use the ladies' room.,and stumbled onto the baby section. Tiff and I found some amazing stuff and mom joined us after I placed a cellphone call.

We wound up buying Jaedyn a few sleepers, including one with a bunch of little bears and Batman on them,some nice blankets,and a lot of little things. The big gift was a babytub with seahorses on it! At the end of the night we had bags,and bags of baby loot and we had to determine what we were going to do about all,and I DO MEAN ALL,of the leftovers. There trays upon trays of food. Den convinced everyone to take some but we actually wound up taking most of it shuffling it into the fridge at the VFW and donating it to a local homeless shelter.

Not much else went on. My niece spent a large portion of the evening stuck,like glue,to Tiff,Austin and me. Blondie's sister bought Ary a doll and my parents,Tiff and FBIL and myself got her coloring books. As soon as she spotted me she ran up to me and put her arms up for me to take her. She asked for Austin too and wound up sitting with my on the floor. I handed her,her coloring book that I got her with Disney Princesses and she insisted I color with her.

Actually, it was more then that. I was sitting there and she started singing to me. "La-La, I love youuuu!" Blondie and I both look at each other. "La-la?" we asked. After she sang she grabbed my hands and pulled me towards the book and said,"La-La color with me and Austin." It's okay,she can call me La-La.

Anyway, right now I'm exhausted. It seems the illness is my allergies bugging out. I went to the store to get guinea pig food,to visit Tiff's and now I'm home again. I plan on relaxing for a bit,making dinner later and watching Castle. Overall,for me,not a bad night.

Perfect Timing

2011-10-16T16:29:00.000-04:00

Okay....so I figured I'd be putting an entry in after the babyshower but unfortunately, I am home. All right so I like home better then any other place on Earth. Granted,the bathroom is a mega-messand my dog is dumb and the birds are LOUD....but home is one of the few places I can sprawl out and relax.

Today it's not so much for relaxation as it is for the fact that my body seems to be doing this lovely turning on itself thing. My nose is stuffed up,my joints are achy,and beyond all of that I cannot stop sneezing. The worst part of this?

MY BROTHER AND HIS WIFE'S BABYSHOWER IS TONIGHT!

Isn't that just marvelous,darlings? Yeah,so I am officially miserable and with two hours to spare I have got to start feeling better. Oh,and if you're wondering this morning started off awful enough. The last few days have ben extremely stressful and my parents have been fighting non-stop. My mom and I got into it this morning. Needless to say, life lately has not been wonderful.

So,after things cooled down I went to Tiff and FBIL's to make keilbasa and brown sugar and beans. Tiff and FBIL dropped me back at home,I ran to the corner store to pick up some Dayquil and Nyquil while mom watches the boys,~~dad's at the flea market~~,and Tiff and FBIL went to help Den and Blondie decorate for the babyshower.

Actually,my dad just got home. I guess I'll go TRY to get some rest. Oh,and now the van's broken down. BONUS!

Hope the night goes better then the night has...that's for sure.

Thankful Thursday

2011-10-14T00:19:00.000-04:00

1. My nephew's,Jaedyn,first party is on Sunday! The babyshower is upon us and honestly,I'm thrilled. I mean basically my brother and sister in law hijacked the shower but on the bright side my event planning skills took a backseat. The great news is I will get to spend time with my niece,my nephews and watch my sister in law open her presents. (Hope she LOVES what Tiff,mom and I selected for Jaedyn.)

2. Having my niece,Ary,for another day. For those of you who don't know Ary is a foster child and she could go back at any time. Currently, the talk is December,before Christmas,and while it's breaking my heart I'm not going to let it get me down. I had promised myself that I wouldn't get too attached but I did and now I may not have a nice for much longer but my thought is,"While she needs an auntie I'm one of the very best she'll get."

3. Jacoby Ellsbury won 2011 American League Comeback player of the year! Amid all the rumors about supposed drug abuse,by Tito,marital discord,David Ortiz bitching like a little girl,and the first three starters,Beckett,Lackey and Lester,spending more time eating fried chicken and biscuits,beer and playing XBox it was great to see that Jacoby was recognized for all his hardwork.

4. My birthday around the corner. My sister has a dinner for me coming up and hopefully that means dinner,the kids,and The Wizard of Oz. Sounds good.

5. Getting to laugh last night as Collin kept asking me for things. He is such a funny kid! I was sitting with him the other day and he crawled in my lap and started asking if he could play games. "Can I play BlackOps?" he asked. "NO!!!!!" I shouted. Collin laughs hysterically. "Can I play BIRDSSSSSSS??????" he asked. "NOOOO!" I shouted. Another hysterical giggle. "Can I play bowlin'?" (He pronounces it boulin'.) "NOOOO!" I shout. More giggles. I guess you have to be there but he's just my adorable middle,Jaedyn's my little boy!,boy!

6. Cakepop and vanilla bean frappacino from Starbucks. The cakepop was sooo yummy! Dark chocolate cake inside,with chcolate ganuche inside,coated in milk chocolate and covered with peanuts and marshmellow. Hungry yet? Yeah,heading back to Starbucks as soon as it opens. Lol. Oh,and the frappacino was delish too.

7. Fresh peaches in the fridge. Be prepared the last few thankfuls are ALL food related. I love peaches! Yummy!

8. Braised and barbaque pork cutlets for dinner tomorrow. Ummm....say it with me,folks. YUM!

9. Having a yummy dinner with my mom the other day. Symposium is the best! I ordered the fried chicken,rice,and green beans while mom had the same but she had mashed potatoes and no veggies. Although after she tasted my green beans I bet she wishes she had! Oh,and I previously mentioned the wonderful cheesecake. It was sooo good!

10. My plan to sneak an apple or two out of Tiff's house later. Yeah,I'm a klepto. An apple klepto! I just LOVE fresh apples. Oh,and cider. I may need to pick some up. YUMMERS!

Dear So and So

2011-10-13T19:41:00.000-04:00

Dear. Red Sox Players (Notably: Beckett,Lackey and Lester),
Put down the chicken,step away from the beer and turn off the XBox. No, I do not believe for a microsecond that your obsession with late night chicken and biscuits,your constant need for Bud Light,and the urge to play XBox cost us the World Series but it did cost me my respect for you guys. I am honestly not surprised to hear the Lackey LOVES him some chicken and beer,nor am I surprised to hear Beckett likes the same thing,but I was totally surprised to hear that Fat and Lumpy had dragged J Les into this sorted mess! I am also surprised at the scandle that has ensued in the last few days. Tito,ex-Red Sox skipper,is a druggie whose divorced,Theo got laughed at after meetings,Lackey,Lester and Beckett were up in the clubhouse playing XBox,eating chicken and drinking beer! Oh,and Tito's divorced AND he apparently was just ignored all around!
Boston is Going mental,
A devoted Red Sox fan

Dear. Cheesecake Factory,
Going to dinner at Symposium is ALWAYS one of my favorite places to eat and if any of you ever come down to visit me we're going to get the fried chicken,gravey and sides but save room because my waitress,last night,gave me a tip that the cheesecake comes from the Cheesecake Factory! Thanks waitress lady! It was delicious!
That was one of the best meals I've ever had,
The obsessive foodie

Dear. Truffle Brownies,
Please, bake yourself and GET IN MAH BELL-AY. Seriously! I don't want to go in there and bake them so someone else come and do it for me.
Love you deeply,
The Crazy Girl

We Want to Know Wednesday 26

2011-10-12T10:10:00.000-04:00

Hosted by Mamarazzi, Queso and Crazymama

{1} What is your feel better remedy when you are sick? Usually when I get sick it's pretty bad and I have to really watch it because I'm always like a step away from hospitalization. That said my usual remedies are Nyquil,Vicks Vapor Rub and Celestal Seasonings Red Zinger tea with honey and lemon. Oh,and sleep. Usually with a heating pad.

2} When illness strikes, what is your policy on staying home from work, school or church with yourself and the family? Mainly,because of my bronchittis and my asthma everything winds up being so severe that it requires a doctor's note. 99.9% of the time I usually wind up needing a breathing treatment for even the slightest cold and that means the doctor's involvement. When I got pnuemonia I actually had 3 breathing treatments so with that said I usually make the policey of at home no matter what and honestly I will hold the same policey when I have kids. I also recently mentioned to my mom that if I have children I will give them a mental health day as well. Meaning if you wake up in the morning,you're in tears,you can't find your homework,your jacket,and just alot of stress is involved,if you have missed less then 3 days of school,you get a mental health day to take whenever you want. For some reason this pisses my mom off. "You're giving them an excuse to act up just so they can stay home." and I've tried to explain that it's so easy to have a meltdown so all I'm saying is I will give my children a chance to have a nice day,to take time off from stress, because stress is bad for your body and it'd be helpful to give them a mental health day. Oh,and if I ever get the chance I will let them take the Opening Day of baseball season off but only if the Red Sox are playing so they can go to the Fens.

{3} What do you think is worse? Flu or cold? Cold. I have a very low resistance and every time I get a cold it turns into an infection. I usually wind up with a sinus infection or something but I can deal with the flu. Seriously! I would rather have the flu then a cold. Mainly,because a cold with me will morph into an infection or worst then that will drag on for MONTHS! I once had the same cold for like 3 months. It sucks!

{4} Flu shots? Do you get them? Have you yet? I actually cannot get flu shots because I'm allergic to a chemical that's in there. Not to mention I hate needles! So, I actually cannot get a flu shot.

{5} When are are feeling down, what is your usual, go-to therapy? (retail therapy, exercise, comfort food, etc). I must admit that I LOVE retail theraphy but usually because my life is so chaotic my feeling down,go-to theraphy is just buying a fashion magazine and a mani/pedi. In the summer and spring months watching the Red Sox win DEFINITELY cheers me up and in the winter months watching the Bruins kick some ass DEFINITELY cheers me up!

Random Tuesday Thoughts

2011-10-11T19:14:00.000-04:00

1. Okay,so apparently, I forgot today was random Tuesday Thoughts so for that I apologize. Lots of random stuff going on today!

2. No word yet on who will be managing the Red Sox. I must admit that I LOVE that Tito is doing commentary on the ALCS games. Tito is extremely funny and insightful! I hope he can continue to do commentary somewhere. I will convince my rents to get the extra sports channels if Tito is doing commentary!

3. Looking forward to going baby clothes shopping for my little Jaedyn bear. I was thinking about getting something sweet and cuddly for him! Something warm! Maybe a soft blankie and clothes. I love buying baby clothes!

4. Had a yummy snack today. Twisty Grahams from T.S. and warm caramel sauce. It was so insanely delish! I love it!

5. Song of the week honors go to "God Gave me You" by Blake Shelton. My brother dedicated it to my sister in law today and when I saw that I thought,"Aww....sweet!"

6. Thinking about designing a tatto with the Red Sox logo and put it aside so I can get it at some point. I love the Red Sox and I've been wanting to get a tat for a long while so it's definitely a possibility.

7. Special thanks to my cousin,Lindy,for the extra goodies she sent me because I changed the date of my T.S. dem. I changed the date so my cousin's hubby could attend his granddaughter's bday party and she sent me Crazy for Coconut macaroons along with the yummy Twisty Grahams and my Truffle Brownies.

8. Things with RJ are going about as well as can be expected! We're getting along really well and we talk constantly. J and I do not talk. He's decided to attempt to reconsile with his wife and so RJ and I are constantly talking nonstop. We both have a lot in common and he's so sweet!

9. I'm starving! Seriously! PMS and hungry? Ugly combo indeed. The worst part is I'm craving about 5 different foods at once.

10. Didn't get to go pumpkin picking with the boys but I am still going to get apples! Tiff is sending me some and I'm hoping I can convince my mom to go. I want apples. Lots and lots of apples.

11. RJ was teasing me the other day. As many of you know I turn 32 in a month. RJ asked me,"What do you want for your birthday?" I don't want to scare him with my requests but to be honest I definitely want him to know that if he's going to get me anything he cannot go wrong with the following gifts! I definitely want a nice dinner out,He can't! He tried to get the day off and up here to visit but can't happen!,I want a subscription to Glamour,Lucky,or even Redbook,He said that's kinda cheap!,and a mani/pedi. I mentioned a massage or a new chenelle throw as well. I would love to get a Red Sox or Bruins throw. (The last two are something he said he might feel comfortable with.)

12. Watching Kim's Fairytale Wedding is pretty interesting. I guess the most fasinating part will be watching Kris Humphries trying to hang onto his balls despite how spoiled his wifey is!

13. That's one thing that I feel super important to me. Whenever I get involved with a man I try to remind myself to treat him with respect and dignity! In one of our recent conversations RJ said,"One of the most attractive things about you is you understand men. You expect alot but you don't expect me to be anything I'm not." It was nice to hear that he likes me and he understands what I'm trying to do. I'm not trying to be mean,manipulative,and I don't jerk people around. I just try not to do that because I get jerked around alot.

14. Speaking of RJ let me give me friends a brief description because he won't let me post a picture. He's very cute! He's got the sweetest blue eyes,and the darkest brown,almost black hair,and this amazingly bronze skin. He's English,Portuguese,and Italian. He's a paramedic,he likes the Red Sox and the Bruins,he studied karatee,and played football,as well as was the smartest guy in his school,and he likes George Carlin,and thinks the man should pay for dinner,pull the chair out,and open the doors. Sounds funny but when he told me that I started giggling. I just think that's sooo cute!

15. My niece and nephews never fail to make me smile! Last night is the prime example. My niece just walked in the house and literally globbed onto me. I love how she just walks up to me and puts her arms up to me. It's so sweet! I literally carried her around almost the whole night. The boys are awesome,as always,and so cute! Collin was snuggling with my brother while he played Angry Birds! Too funny!

16. I saved this story because it's so typical of Austin. He did something yesterday that reminded me of his uncle. He went into the store with me,and I was already in a foul mood,and I went to get some Pringles for him. He started telling people in the store,because I was short with him,that I was beating him! He told everyone that I was going to hurt him and I was going to kill him! Some lady pulled out her cell. I told him,"Hurting you means I put the Pringles back!"

17. Lately I've been wondering what my children will be like. My mom has wished,on both of my siblings,children just like them! Poor Den! Jaedyn is going to be a Hellraiser! Anyway,my mom never wished that on me. I don't know why. Maybe she sees something I don't know but my thought is maybe my mom is thinking that wishing a complicated,absolutely stubborn,bratty child on me would be totally cruel! I totally agree!

18. Had a hearty laugh today when I realized that my best friend is totally forgetting some things that she should remember! The other day I asked how her hubby,Brian,was and she asked,"Who?" I said it another 3 times and she COULD not put it together. I guess maybe she was mad at him but is it normal to forget your husband RIGHT after you got hitched?!

19. I am SOOO HUNGRY! Yeah,dinner cannot come soon enough!

20. Off to watch Jeopardy and hopefully get dinner soon. Why do I get the feeling it's going to be takeout? Honestly,at this point I don't care! Latta gators!

Really been Busy

2011-10-11T11:20:00.000-04:00

Hey.everyone! Hopefully,you're all well and everything in your lives in perfection. Sorry for the lack of enteries in the last few days. Things around here have been pretty crazy lately. Between stuff with grandma,the babyshower and numerous birthday parties over the last few days it's been insane!

Okay,so let's start from the beginning. Grandma is doing very well. Thrieving even. She's had some lucid moments over the last few days but I know those are few and far between. However,we've been blessed with these sweet moments when she can go downstairs,she's off Thick-It and she's cranky but she's okay. The other day she gave us a list of things she wanted and even went to the nursinghome's church service.

The big news is the babyshower is Sunday! Hard to believe, Jaedyn will be making his anticipated debut in January,or maybe sooner,and I am sooo jazzed! My sister in law is getting bigger by the day! Her tummy makes her look like she ate a watermelon and forgot to spit the seeds. Things have been a bit intense,what with Den and Blondie taking over the babyshower,but we're just trying to maintain.

Wednesday I'm going to pick up the stuff to make keilbasa and brown sugar and numerous pudding desserts. My busy day is going to be Saturday. I'm going to make the desserts and make the keilbasa. I'm so excited because I have a ton of relatives I haven't seen in a long time coming in for the shower and I still have to pick up a present for the baby.

Speaking of the babies. Yesterday was my dad's birthday and we had our traditional birthday celebration. My sister has a birthday celebration for everyone which includes a cake and dinner. The party usually involves everyone from my sister,my sister's friends,and of course my nephews and my niece. It's always fun to see the kids,and my brother and sister in law,and I LOVE the extra bonding time with Ary.

Usually when she gets to the house she runs right up to me,puts her arms up,and wants me to pick her up. Of course I do! Last night the kids had chicken nuggets and mashed potatoes while the adults had chicken,mashed potatoes and veggies. It was soo much fun. Ary was literally in my lap half the evening and I loved it. She's such a petite,cute little girl!

Anyway,it was nice to see them and next month I guess I'm on deck. RJ mentioned it to me the night before my dad's birthday and I guess he found that quite funny. I mentioned that I want a fashion magazine and a mani/pedi for my birthday. We'll see what happens. Talk to you all later!

Life....Updated

2011-10-06T21:12:00.000-04:00

Greetings my loves! Hopefully,life is leaving you feeling joyful and fulfilled. Me? I'm just trying to get through each day with a little bit of sanity in tact. If I can't do that then I'm upset but the past few days I've just been trying to give myself a break!

Unfortunately,today marks the day when my burning the candle,at both ends,and saving the wax has caught up to me. I'm sick! I've spent the last few days fighting with this stuffy nose and all but today it just could not happen. Actually, most of last night,and into early this morning,I was sick and couldn't sleep. I couldn't breath so around 5 a.m. I FINALLY fell asleep.

Around 8 a.m. mom woke me up and asked if I wanted to go see Gram and to be honest,with this cold,I didn't want to go. I went but I could've stood for a few more hours of sleep to be honest. We headed to the nursinghome and here's the update on Gram.

So far we're sticking with hospice care. This is despite the fact her doctor,Dr. D,detests hospice care. He feels that they basically are all about money but grandma likes the hospice nurses and they provide very good care for her. The main issue we've had with them is things like one of my relatives screaming at my grandmother and the morning of my mom's birthday the nurse was feeding gram cottage cheese and gram forgot how to swallow. Around 10:30 she opened her mouth and the unit manager noticed that she didn't swallow.

Right now on the days she's lucid she's allowed to eat regular food and on the days she's not she'll be given Thick-It. Thick-It is basically just an agent that thickens food and makes it easier to swallow. Of course on the days she's lucid Gram HATES Thick-It. Basically,all her food now has to be pureed and no it's not pleasent. She hates it. Apart from that we were given a list of all the things we're not allowed to give her.

Oh,she HATES the list! Nothing thick is permitted unless the nurses okay it. We're not allowed to give her anything too thick. In other words,no rice pudding or anything like that. Recently,she asked me for spearmint leaves,I mentioned it to the nurses and she is no longer permitted to have them. Fortunately,she's had a few good days in a row now. Good days mean relatives show up. Bad days it's just my mom,my aunts,their husbands,me and maybe Tiff.

Bad days suck! Yesterday she had a crowded house including my cousins,their kids,and numerous other visitors. I stopped by to drop off a strawberry shake at dinner and that's when I got all the details.

This morning I went to visit her and met her second hospice nurse. Nurse S is really nice. We informed her about the food thing and she said she'd keep an eye. She actually gave gram quite a good breakfast,including cottage cheese,a cup of hot chocolate,and even a doughnut. Gram was all dressed and cleaned. I was there for a bit before I headed home to get some rest.

As far as everyone else it's all good. The kids are doing spectacular! Tomorrow my mom and Tiffany are going with Austin to a football game. Austin won tickets to a Whalers game after getting perfect attendence for the month. Saturday Austin and Collin have bowling. For those of you wondering things with bowling are going well with both boys. Collin's average is steadily on the rise every week and Austin is in the top scorers every week!

Right now I'm just feeling wiped out again. Off to take more medicine,lay down,watch the Bruins and fall asleep. Good night,everyone!

Thankful Thursday

2011-10-06T20:00:00.000-04:00

1. Grandma's doing a little better then she has in the last few days. She's not perfect but she's definitely doing better. She's lucid,a little droggy today,and she's talking. Recently,they had to add ThickIt to her food but yesterday and today she didn't need it! The fact is,she is having her good days,her bad days,every day in between and I know a lot of people are thinking I'm lying,or exagerating,but I'm not! I'm just saying what the same thing the nurses are telling us. This illness is going to kill my grandma but my goal is to help to make her days as wonderful and bright as I can.

2. The Bruins flag hoisting tonight! Yes, I wanted more baseball but to see the Bruins hoist the banner after 39 years and to know that I'm blessed enough to live in a state so steeped in great sports history and tradition is really amazing to me. Congratulations to the Bruins!

3. Everyone going to see Gram. Like I said I'm not trying to be a bitch or a brat but I think that it's important that members of my family realize that I'm not saying anything they do not already know. They know that I've been sitting there,watching her,and all but I think they figure if they pretend that it's not happening then it's not happening. Sorry guys but just because you opt not to go it doesn't change anything! The situation is what it is and I don't think anyone of of them has the right to blame me for saying what I'm feeling!

4. Hearing Shut Up Train by Little Big Town. I heard this song the other day and it is AMAZING! I love it!

5. Getting to spend time iwth my adorable niece and nephews the other day! It's rough to be constantly dealing with death and dying but the kids are definitely a reminder that life isn't so bad!

We want to know Wednesday 25

2011-10-05T11:15:00.000-04:00

Another WWTKW with Mamazzari and Queso.

{1} If you had an extra hour to do ANYTHING for yourself each day what would you do? Honestly,this is going to sound completely lame but I would probably spend that extra hour with my niece and nephews. Insane,right? It didn't hit me until yesterday,with my grandma being nearly ready to die,that somehow spending time with my godson,Austin,he's 9,my 4 year old nephew,Collin,my 2 year old niece,Ary,and even when baby Jaedyn gets here that spending time with them makes me so happy and it just makes me feel better.

{2} Are you a morning person or a night owl? I am a total night owl. I love late night TV,late night movies and late night baseball games. Basically,if I'm a vampire in that sense.

{3} How much sleep do you get on an average night? I think my numbers have gone up slightly since my sister and her sons moved out. I used to average up to like 5 hours and at the end of the day I'd have a massive headache nad be totally miserable. Now I'm up to 8 and I feel a lot better.

{4} When do you find the time to blog/surf the ol' interweb? I am internet addicted! It's sad but true. I usually go on at night or midday at my sister's.

{5} What is the ONE thing you're never too busy for? My family. Simple answer,right?

What I Cannot Change by LeAnn Rimes

2011-10-04T12:06:00.000-04:00

"What I Cannot Change"

I know what makes me comfortable

I know what makes me tick

And when I need to get my way I know how to pour it on thick

Cream and sugar in my coffee

Right away when I awake

I face the day and pray to God I won't make the same mistakes

Oh the rest is out of my hands

I will learn to let go what I cannot change

I will learn to forgive what I cannot change

I will learn to love what I cannot change

But I will change, I will change

Whatever I, whenever I can

I don't know my Father

Or my Mother well enough

Seems like every time we talk we can't get past the little stuff

The pain is self inflicted

I know it's not good for my health

But it's easier to please the world than it is to please myself

Oh the rest is out of my hands

I will learn to let go what I cannot change

I will learn to forgive what I cannot change

I will learn to love what I cannot change

But I will change, I will change

Whatever I, whenever I can

Right now I can't care about how everyone else will feel

I have enough hurt of my own to heal

I will learn to let go what I cannot change

I will learn to forgive what I cannot change

I will learn to love what I cannot change

But I will change, I will change

Whatever I, whenever I can

Random Tuesday Thoughts

2011-10-04T10:47:00.000-04:00

1. People are making me crazy this week! I mean seriously even the end of last month. I had to deal with my innerchild getting her ass kicked,my feelings hurt because my family feels it's okay to let their children disrespet me,and then there's a lot of little things,like really irritating things,that I'm TRYING to cope with. I really wish people would start thinking before speaking,making phone calls,or anything!

2. I guess for others in my family it's FINALLY starting to set in. What's going on with Gram I mean! The thing is my extended family hardly ever catches her on her bad days. They see her and I guess the concensous is I'm exaggerating. I'm lying when I say she's practically in a coma,I'm overdoing it when I say it's time to start saying our goodbyes or preparing their children. Perhaps I'm wrong. I don't have children so maybe my theory that you prepare your kids for a horrible event maybe wrong. My cousin went by yesteray and Gram couldn't even feed herself and I guess the idea set in. I don't want anyone to be hurt but I don't want to be spending the last few months of my grandma's life dealing with their kids being upset with me.

3. Song of the week goes to "When I get My Wings" by Will Hope. Amazingly blues music at it's best! I love the way that it sounds! It is just an amazing song!

4. Today is my mom's birthday! I'm doing a super special surprise! The house is getting cleaned! The dinningroom is my starting off point. I'm going to finish cleaning up and then I'm going to go to my sister's.

5. RJ revealed to me that his full name is Ronan Robert Joseph. His last name starts with an H. I had to laugh the other day when he told me. I was just assuming that RJ stood for Robert Joseph. He is really a character.

6. I don't know exactly what's going on with RJ and me but whatever it is I really do like him. The distance has given us this chance to get to know each other. He is talking about coming down to visit in a few months.

7. Okay,so as previously mentioned my uncle's wife called my house. I wish I could tell you that if I had picked up the phone I'd stand up to her,that I'd defend my family's honor,but honestly,I just feel rejected and the fact is I always,sort of,thought that my uncle loved me and even if he wouldn't contact anyone else he'd call me. Instead, I have this evil bitch calling me and it just broke my heart.

8. I guess also what I'm saying is having my family join in on the mess REALLY made it worse! Honestly,it makes it much,much worse because the above mentioned situation knocked me to the ground and honestly,that makes it hurt more. I would think that my family would just wait but apparently, they just felt like I messed up their kids so instead they got angry.

9. Austin is selling stuff for school...AGAIN! I love it! I'm contemplating my options. I am narrowing down between the chocolate toffee or the chocolate caramels. RJ is constantly teasing me lately that I'm the most "orally fixated" woman he's ever known. No comment.

10. Helping Tiff with getting the boys Halloween stuff together. We're thinking of decorating pillowcases for the boys to tote their candy around in. Sound good? I love it! My sister is going to be getting their costumes online. Collin is going to be Lighting McQueen and Austin is going to be some sort of comic book character. I was speaking to my sister in law,on Sunday,and Ary is going to be a witch. With her curly hair it's going to be awesome!

11. RJ joked about me dressing up this year. "With the haircut a flapper costume would be perfect! So hot!" he told me. He's right but I was thinking a bumble bee.

12. So,postseason baseball ended earlier then I thought. I'm still keeping an eye on the teams. I am rooting for the Tigers,against the Yankees,the Rangers,over the Rays,the Brewers,over the D'Backs,and the Phillies,over the Cards,but to be totally honest I'm just beyond disappointed! The fact is the Red Sox were playoff bound and they all blew it. Sadly, Terry Francona decided to step down and I understand his logic. He feels that the Red Sox need a new voice around them because they weren't listening to him anymore. Rumors are flying that some really bad things were going on. Tito claims that the pitchers would drink when they weren't setup to pitch,that he was having trouble motivating them,and that they just weren't listening anymore. It's hard to figure out what exactly went wrong but the fact is maybe the players need someone to get on their asses and tell them what they need to do. I hope Tito moves onto something that inspires him and makes him happy.

13. I cannot win with my sister in law. As previously mentioned,she's a Yankees fan,we're die-hard Red Sox fans,she's a Dolphins fan,my brother's a Pats fan,and guess what? I recently stated that since Jaedyn is going to be born in winter I'm going to get him some Bruins gear but she revealed to me that-GAG!-she's a Canadiens fan. UGH!

14. Maybe I'll just have to go shopping,for Jaedyn,find something I like and go from there. Nothing sports related. How opposite can we be?

15. So,happy fall is here. It means I've pulled out my fall boots. Unfortunately,my favorite pair needs to be fixed. The sole is coming off and my dad says I need glue to fix them.

16. Okay so the dishwasher is running, the dinningroom floor is swept and I'm going to start on the counters soon. Hopefully,mom is happily surprised with the cleaning.

17. Nearly done. Thank goodness. I'm so exhausted and I think that's the biggest thing. I just feel mentally,emotionally,and physically drained lately. It's hard to keep my head up.

18. Spent yesterday with my nephews! Yesterday it finally happened! Austin called me Auntie! I was in sooo much shock! Wow!

19. Okay,off to finish cleaning and get started on the livingroom. My days are just insane.

20. Talk to you all later. I'm sorry for chopping things up but I have a ton of work to do. Latta gators!

Sara Evans - My Heart Can't Tell You No

2011-10-03T16:32:00.000-04:00

I actually sang this song in my 3rd grade talent show. Isn't that awful? They let an 8 1/2 year old child sing this song? Still,I think it took more courage then I have now! :)

Reality Bites!

2011-10-02T12:25:00.000-04:00

Greetings,lovebugs! I want to apologize for a lack of enteries over the last few days. Honestly,my life has been totally insane and very emotional so I haven't had time or really felt like writing much of ANYTHING!

Okay,so in case you're wondering grandma had two really good days in a row. Tuesday and Wednesday were awful and honestly,I thought on Thursday I'd be telling all of you that she passed away. I spent almost all day Wednesday at the nursinghome. First,I went in to see Gram and then back again to sit with my mom while she talked to the hospic nurse. I,honestly,expected to come onto this blog on Thursday and tell you all that grandma had passed away.

Imagine my stunned surprise when I strolled in on Thursday and she was totally awake and lucid! The next day was even better and today we're heading back towards Wednesday. I guess this is just God's way of saying,"Embrace the good days." because according to the nurses they are going to become few and far between.

Unfortunately, I guess the members of my family have not really begun to accept what's going on. The ones with kids have opted to not tell their kids anything,in order to prepare them,and as a result a recent post of Facebook got me into a major ammount of trouble with my cousins spouses and their children. I hate that I hurt anyone but I just feel like I wasn't stating ANYTHING that anyone didn't already know.

Besides,if you can mention it to friends on the phone your teenaged children should DEFINITELY know what's going on. In any case,I mentioned it to someone,got alot of excuses and got a lot of grief from one of the kids. I hate that I've hurt my relatives but I'm way too much of a realist to pretend that everything is okay. She has good days,she has bad days and everything in between. Every bad day is going to get extended,the good days will become less and less and each time she slips into the fog it's going to get deeper and she may not come back!

That being said I made a conscious choice to cut certain people out of my life again. It's sad because I thought the past had been left in the past and apparently,I got it wrong! This just hurts me because I thought that this person had let go of the past and I had worked hard to mend the relationship. Actually, I removed 4 people from my facebook page in order to kill the drama. I guess my thought is that people have just not accepted what's going on or that if they give that a voice it becomes real.

Anyway,right now I'm at peace with my choice to do this. It's not being mean or me saying,"My way is better." but my thought is if the kids can't see it ,it can't hurt them. Okay,guess that's about it. Talk to you all later!

We Want to Know Week 24

2011-09-30T09:12:00.000-04:00

Another way to keep smiling with all this stuff with my grandma,the dramedy and all is to turn to Mamarazzi and Queso to make me laugh. So,without further ado it's another We want to Know Wednesday.

{1} What is one thing (food or drink) that you MUST have everyday? Honestly,I don't think there's one thing I have to have everyday. Even as a kid I don't think I ever got on that kind of ,"I have to have this." thing. I mean I must admit that I consume a major ammountof carbs. I love bread,pasta,or anything in the carb family.

{2} What is your "go to" food when you don't feel well/need comfort? Hmmm....I guess I would have to say homemade mac and chese with bacon in it. I'm a big bacon fan and if I can put it with cheese all the better. I also love hot chocolate and coffee cake. However, I'm not a soup eater when I'm sick. If I have a stuffy nose I usually go with things like spicy foods. Clear my sinuses.

{3} Is there a dish that you make that people request when they visit your home/a family favorite? There's a lot of stuff. I think more patricularly I make a lot of things that are requested. I have this pudding dessert I make that everyone loves. I've joked about retiring it but I think my family would disown me.

{4} What are 3 foods you have TRIED, do not like and will NEVER eat again? Hmmm...veal. Eating baby cows is just wrong! Lamb fries. Yeah,ummm...they aren't what you think. It's lamb testicles. Oh,and probably any animals heart because you have to really clean it carefully. You have to get rid of the arteries and veins.

{5} What's one thing that you love to eat that most people would think is weird and/or gross?? Oh,and bunch. I love trying new foods. Usually my mom is like<"Oh,my GodI cannot believe you're eating that."

Gram's Update

2011-09-28T13:52:00.000-04:00

I'm writing this entry in purple because one of the few things gram and I have in common is that both of us love the color purple and in a way this is me paying tribute to her. Anyway, I've made peace with the situation with my uncle. He has to live with the fact that he was not there when grandma passed. I've done what I can do and that's that.

This morning I headed to the nursinghome with my mom and we waited around for the hospice nurse to show up. Grandma is basically asleep. Her body is shutting down and she no longer able to talk,she has a cathiter and she's not able to stand on her own. Hospice care didn't show up then so mom and I went to visit my sister. While we were there the nursinghome called and we headed back to talk to Nurse K about what is going to happen now.

Basically,Gram is at,what the nurse called,end of life cycle. Her body is shutting down and preparing for her to die. There's nothing else that can be done for her. We sat there and we're basically letting her go. She is not going to get her blood pressure pills anymore,no more thyroid pills and we're not taking her ammonia levels anymore because the fact is we will just know the numbers but there's NOTHING that can be done with those numbers. The nurse and I broke it down to my mom,explaining that you will know the number and that's it. Considering that Gram is so frail and easily bruised it makes no sense to stick her with anymore needles.

I'm not ecactly sure how to feel about all this. I keep telling myself that I should feel sad. My grandmother is passing away but instead I keep thinking,'Soon she'll be with her parents,my Voo Manny,my uncles,Johnny and Junior,my nana,Priscilla,and my dog,Sasha. Considering how bad she looks right now I keep thinking that death will be an end to her suffering. I know that sounds cold but according to Nurse K she's not in pain anymore and Gram will die exactly how she wants too.

She will most likely continue to have her ammonia levels soar and she will sleep more and more into an unconscious state. In other words, she will most likely pass in her sleep. We don't know when that will be but I'll definitely mention it. Talk to you guys later and pray Gram has a peaceful passing,please.

Failure

2011-09-27T18:34:00.000-04:00

Okay,so as many of you know I've been attempting to get in contact with my uncle after what I thought was 21 years and I was wrong it's 26 years. I held out hope that he would get to see my grandma before she died and I prayed as I put a letter in the mailbox,on Sunday.

Today things took a turn for the worse and my mom went to my uncle's house to tell him that my grandmother is dying. I gave her the address and I had great hope that the 26 years would be a dead issue. Well, okay,not a dmaned thing in my family EVER happens without drama. NOT A DAMNED THING! You know I hate to admit this but in a weird way I always thought I was special to my Uncle Johnny. I always thought that despite the fact that he was away so long I figured he at least thought of me and was going to come back someday.

Man,some dreams die hard. I sent a letter which must've been opened after my mom went to the house because after going to the grocery store I was chopping up steak,for dinner,and my mom called me into the other room. Apparently,my aunt and my uncle opened the letter and read it because their was a message on my answering machine informing me that my uncle wants nothing to do with us and to stop bugging them.

Actually,let me be clear it was far,far more hostile then that. My aunt's voice sounded like Cruella DeVille as she told us to never to bother them again. That my uncle had told me how he felt. It was oddly funny because it wasn't him telling me how he felt. It was her! She was saying how she felt and what amazes me is the fact that after 26 years someone could be so hostile. Her hatered was just so glaringly obvious! It amazes me that at 8 years old she could send chills down the back of my neck and my spine.

Anyway, just an update on grandma. We're entering the end of this. Her liver is a mess,she's going onto 24 hour hospice care,and she can't walk anymore. She fades in and out and it breaks my heart that I feel like I didn't do what I thought would be so easy. I guess I should've steeled myself to the idea that this would work. That I would be able to do what no one else was able to do.

I feel like I failed. Miserably. I wish I could have brought grandma what she wants but it just can't happen. I love you,Gram and I tried. I'm still praying but my optosim is totally gone!

I Don't Give Up Easy

2011-09-27T14:21:00.001-04:00

Well,got some bad news today. We've decided to stop shipping grandma back and forth to the hospital because it's just easier on her. Loosely translated that means the end is drawing near! This being said I put the letter in the mailbox on Sunday and prayed that it would find it's way to my uncle's hands. After the aforementioned situation my mom and Tiff decided to get his address,from me,and go over there and see him.

You know just to tell him what's going on.

Let's just say it didn't go well. My sister called me up and told me to give up. According to her my uncle is a self-centered prick. Apparently, he decided going to work and having lunch was more important then seeing his mother. I'm a bit upset but I am hoping that his avoidence came from a place of fear over I don't give a damn. My mom offered him a ride to the home and everything but he refused it. I just want to believe that he's stressed.

So, I'm sending another letter. This time I've enclosed my email address,my home phone number and even my pastor's phone number. I'm hoping this works. It's my hail Mary so keep your fingers crossed,folks!

Random Tuesday Thoughts

2011-09-27T10:42:00.000-04:00

1. Okay,so last night was supposed to be a moment of triumph for the Red Sox. It was supposed to be the chance to redeam themselves from last years disaster instead we're now tied with the Tampa Bay Rays. Lovely,right? Okay,permit me to explain something. Last year was a disaster. Injuries....injuries and more injuries. We never made the post season and as a result of that Theo Epstein,the Red Sox GM,went out and did some very aggresive courting in the off season. He signed Carl Crawford just after he traded for Adrian Gonzalez.   He signed Dan Wheeler,Matt Albers and even Bobby Janks. All of this was to make the team better and I admit when the season started it was dreadful but as we chugged along things got better. The team became dominant and I didn't think it was too optomistic to conclude that by the middle of August we'd have sewed up the AL East. Now I"m sitting here,looking at the pavement,looking out my window and trying to talk myself off the ledge. In other words, the Wild Card is absolutely,positively NOT sown up! The Red Sox somehow managed to blow the lead,lose the game and now we are tied with the Rays. The Rays who traded away every big name they had,the Rays whose bullpen was cut to ribbons in the off season and now the hope of an entire nation hinges on TWO things. First, can Erik Bedard pitch well enough for us to beat the O's tonight and secondly, can the Yankees beat the Rays two more times. Honestly, right now I'm not optomistic about this. First, we don't know who the O's are starting tonight and second,despite the 2 championships,the supposed curse,on the Sox,being over,and all why does it seem we are more cursed then ever?

2. Okay,I noticed recently that alot of blogs do giveaways and honestly, this opportunity has presented itself several times but I must admit that I don't view my blog as a sort of place where giveaways happen. Honestly,I think it's a decent giveaway and I won't be doing it as a regular thing. It will be an occasional thing at best. So, here's what I'm thinking I"m going to hold it to a vote. If more of you vote yes,then no,I'll hold this giveaway and if no then I won't.

3. Supposed to go apply for jobs today. Keep your fingers crossed I would LOVE to get the one at Halloween Connection. You all know how I feel about Halloween. I love it and I think it would be sooo fun!

4. Had a nice long chat with RJ last night. He is such a nice man! Sweet....thoughtful...considerate...and really fun. I love how his voice sounds,I love how he can tell a dirty joke and make it sound totally innocent and he can cook. He almost became a chef. I also find him extremely attractive! He's just really wonderful.

5. Song of the week is the remake of My Heart Can't Tell You No by Sara Evans. It's a remake of an old Rod Stewart song that means a lot to me.

6. Who is not loving fall TV? I mean SOA is back on,Castle is back on and Law and Order: SVU is back on too. I must admit that I like the new SVU sans Elliot Stabler. I mean I love Chris Meloni and I hate that he left the show but I won't hate on Kelli Giddish and all the other cast members for their hard work. I love the show so I'll enjoy it regardless.

7. RJ and I apparently have a lot in common. We were talking last night and he said,"I had the day off from work so I made three dinners." He made catfish stew,chilli,and chicken and dumplings! WOW! I am so impressed after he told me that. The chicken and dumplings sounds insane. He said sometime when he comes up from Conneticut he's going to show me how to make it.

8. For those of you wondering the kids are doing really well. I haven't seen Ary in a while but I keep in constant contact with my sister in law, constantly asking,and everything is going well. I admit I already realized that I'm not going to ever be as close to Ary and Jaedyn as I am to Austin and Collin but I will always be here.

9. Figured out what I want for my birthday apart from the Nook. A mani/pedi! RJ claims,"You're too easy!" I pointed out that I haven't had a mani/pedi in a long while. Anyway,I'm hoping for a dinner too. Keep you all posted.

10. UGH! Yet another headache. Miserable! I hate my head constantly hurting but I guess it's stress! I feel like that's just what I get. Constant angst and stress. It sucks.

11. Oh so excited about preseason hockey starting soon. Go,Bruins!

12. I must admit that I am officially addicted to the new E! reality show Dirty Soap. It features Kirstin Storms, Maxie from GH,Kelly Monnaco,Sam from GH,Nadia Brojlin,ex Chloe on DOOL,Brandon Beemer,Owen from B&B,Galen Garhing,Rafe from DOOL,and his wife,Jenna,Farah Fath,ex-Gigi on OLTL,and John-Paul Lavisoir,Rex on OLTL,and all the trials and tribulations they go through.   I love it! My three favorite people on the show are Nadia,Brandon,and Kelly. I love Brandon. He's a doll. Not to mention he is sooo hawt!

13. Those eyes are killer,aren't they? Wow! I love blue-eyed guys. In fact, I just realized that,that's my pattern! J has blue eyes,Marc has blue eyes and Dutch's are green.  If you're wondering RJ's are blue too.

14. Mom is hanging out with Tiff today. They are watching Rogers and Hammerstein's Cinderella. Remember the one with Leslie Anne Warren and Stuart Damon? It's not one of my favorites.

15. Gizmo hasn't had much to be excited about these days. With the Red Sox loosing so many games there is not so much to be excited about.  I hope things pick up soon and he can stat jumping around again. That would be cool.

16. Law and Order SVU marathon! I love it! All day,Elliot,and of course, that unmistakable tension between Benson and Stabler.

17.  Got to figure out what's for dinner tonight. I cleaned the kitchen yesterday and today I need to figure out dinner. Part of me wants fettucini alfredo.

18. Thank goodness I'm almost to the end of this. I'm wiped. Seriously!  Oh,and I have that above mentioned headache still.

19. Guess I'll go job hunting tomorrow. Sort of annoyed. Every time we make plans to do this they get changed.

20. Okay,guess that's it. Off to find breakfast and relax. Talk to you all later.

Buzzing Around

2011-09-26T15:30:00.000-04:00

So, after a late night,Yet another extra inning Red Sox/Yankees game,I feel awful. No,seriously! I feel like I've been run over by a bus! The good news is the Red Sox won so that makes me super happy but my raging headache does not. My future child's namesake hit a 3 run homer in the 13th but I still had to wake up at 9,change my jeans,Yes,I fell asleep in my jeans last night,and go visit my grandma,Tiff and Collin.

Actually,the original plan was to simply go to visit Gram but the parkinglot behind the home was being worked on and with no parkingspace and Tiff liiving so close by mom and I decided to go pay them a visit. After we were done there we went to visit Gram. After that we came home I straaightened out some of the house and relaxed. I'm planning on a nap before the Red Sox game at 7. This is after a stop at the grocery store and making dinner of course but still....going to squeeze in a nap.

Okay,going to go with mom to get dad from work too. Talk to you all later.

Feild Day and A Million Miles Away

2011-09-25T21:15:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting here tonight reflecting on my day and staring down at my hand. My left hand on my ring finger holds a very precious heirloom at the moment. It's my grandfather's ring. For some reason tonight I just felt like being close to my Voo Manny so I went into my mom's jewelry box,popped the ring on and now I'm sitting here typing this entry.

Okay,so around 2 I left to go to the feild day at the baseball feild. Actually, one of the great things about being part of the league is the fact that a lot of my family is there. My cousins,my cousin's kids,my cousins kids,kids and that's great. Collin is going to play for the league for a while. I think he'll be okay with that. Anyway,today he wasn't. He actually didn't even want to go. He stayed home and watched football with FBIL!

The feild day was fun actually. Oh,except,of course,that I am a raging food snob. More on that in a second. The first part of my day involved getting the keys,from my mom,in order to give one of the kids who missed the pizza party her trophey. It was a super special day and I will explain more in a minute. Anyway, the kids had the dunktank and two bouncy houses.   My cousins were there,as well as my aunt and uncle,and that's when I mentioned that I was going to write my uncle. Okay,permit me to explain this.

Some 20 odd years ago my uncle got married. He slowly detached himself away from the family and now after 20 years he has not had any involvment since then. Okay,so with grandma being sick I started thinking and my thought was,"I need to at least write my uncle and let him know how grandma is." You know ammonia level high,hospital trips,and of course,living in a nursinghome. This is how long ago this all took place! My grandma lived in the same apartment for 21 years and he had not been there. Anyway, a few weeks ago she got sick and I realized that I needed to get ahold of him.

I spent weeks hunting his address and I could not find it! Finally,one of my family members found it and that was great. Today I went to the ball feild and of course my attempts are the hot topic of conversation. Yeah,kids running around, catering carts,and ummm....the big topic of conversation? D's going to send a letter to her godfather,hoping it will reintroduce them to the family.

Oh,and that is not the big conflict! The biggest conflict is,of course,the relationship between the family and my uncle's wife. Look,honestly,I do not care what anyone else wants. Oh,and for any family member stumbling on this blog,and I'm applying this to one in particular,but let me spell this flatout!

I DO NOT CARE WHAT YOU WANT! IF YOU DO NOT WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR BROTHER'S WIFE FINE BUT PERSONALLY,AND I MEAN THIS,I DO NOT,DO NOT,WANT TO HEAR IT!

Yeah,so I do this and I hear how people think he's going to throw the letter away,or she'll tear it up,and stuff like that and you know what? I am fine with that! Think what you want but I will NOT stop holding out hope and I will continue to fight for what I think I should do. Want to be a negative Nancy fine. That's noting new. The person in question is not a positive person and honestly, if ANYTHING happens to Gram I am totally,absolutely,and completely done...done..done and by the way,happily so. I do not want to start World War 3 but I don't want to be the center of attention or the center of conversation. I am being applauded for something that anyone in this family should've done. I just feel like there's a need and I am trying to fill it.

So tonight I had fun with my kiddos. I saw one of my favorites win 3 trophies and an award. She deserved all of it and she is an amazing little girl. I love her! Oh,and unlike last year I didn't have to spend the whole friggen day at the bouncy house. I made a conscious choice that I wouldn't do that. Instead,I spent the day with my cousins and with the kids from my team.

Anyway,this year the party was a little different then the last few years.  When Austin first started they had a banquet and that caused it's own unique conflicts! The food wasn't as good, the lighting in one banquet area was horrific and on and on. Eventually,this idea of "feild day" was settled on. We would have a dunk tank,two bouncy houses,and even some games for the kids. Last year the food was horrendous and honestly,I am a picky eater when it comes to getting foods at events like this.

It is such a challenge for me because I am very,very clear on what I like and what I don't. Last year they had hamburgers and hot dogs. The hamburgers were burned by the time I left the bouncy house and I wound up walking to Dunkin Donuts and getting my lunch there. This year they hired a catering staff and you'd think that would be easier for me.

YOU WOULD THINK!

Not so much. My first attempt at the line was with my mom,my cousins,and their kids. I went up there and,of course,I have to be different. They have steak bombs,they have cacerlia, pulled-pork Portuguese style,sausage and peppers,which I LOVE,hot dogs and hamburgers.  Austin got a very burnt hamburger. Seriously,it looked like charcol! I was upset by that because I recognized that Austin would go the whole day without eating and that almost applied to me.

I got the sausage and pepper sub. Sausage and peppers are not easy to make and hey,I know that. I open the foil when I sat down again and ummm...ick!  First, let me explain that when I get a sausage and peppers sandwich my first act is to rip the sandwich in half.   This way I can make sure the pork is cooked to my liking. In other words,it cannot be pink! Not even a little pink. Cook the shit out of it. My sandwich was PINK! OH,and not just pink but pink and slimey.

Okay,if my mom were writing this she would tell you I can be a bit of a drama queen. I am very particular and I would agree. I was annoyed. Last year the food was burnt. This year it's not cooked enough! I looked at the line,several times,and thought,"Shit! I'm not going to get a thing to eat!" Most of my family said,"Take the sandwich back and tell them it's not cooked." Now look according to some that sandwich was cooked fine. To a cook it would be servicable and I do not like to send food back. Still, I don't think you could do much about the slimey veggies either!

My cousin, Nick,and I got in line and went to get steak subs. That was a smidge better! The steak was a little overcooked but my tantrum,and hey, I can so admit I had one,was really interesting to say the least. I wound up heading home after this. I have a wicked headache. I was supposed to put in an appearence at FBIL's birthday party but I just wanted to come home,put on something cozy and settle into watch the premiere of Sister Wives and talk to RJ.

I had been thinking about him all day and every time I started thinking about him I'd start smiling and getting the giggles. Like a teenager. I haven't had anything to eat yet but my parents are supposed to bring some yummies from my sister and her hubby's. RJ and I have been im'ing and talking since I got home. I filled him in on all the details of dropping the letter in the mailbox.

I thought that he would think I was cheesy that I prayed with the letter in my hand as I set it into the mailbox. J,and the screwballs,would think it was cheesy but RJ was really sweet. "I hope you got heard and that it works but if it doesn't you shouldn't ever,ever blame yourself. You are a really good person." It was nice to hear and I needed too. I don't know why I feel like I need to share my secrets with RJ but he is so cool about everything I say. He never says anything mean,he usually maintains a positive attitude and he is just soooo sweet.

I mean it sounds weird but I don't really worry about telling RJ my secrets or my fears. He's just a really nice,funny,good looking man. Yeah,a man. Not just a guy but a man who says I'm the most wonderful person he knows, I'm pretty,and I have a great spirit. So,anyway, I guess that's about it. What a long day!   Some little things going on is the general opinion is that Ary should be a princess for Halloween and I put my order in,with my cousin, for having my dem.

In a few weeks,I'll have tiffle brownies and some twisty grahams. RJ made me promise that if he comes to visit I make him some brownies. (His favorite dessert!) I guess that's it now. I'm off to talk to RJ...again. He had to run out and get some dinner and now he's back. (Oh,and he reads this so RJ hurry up and finish your Tex Mex so we can talk without you getting grease on your keyboard or on your phone.)

Long Day

2011-09-25T13:31:00.000-04:00

Hey. everyone! Super busy today but I decided to take a break and write an entry. Sorry for a lack of entries about what's going on in my life lately but frankly,and honestly, there's a lot and almost too much to write about. Seriously is it too much to ask for a peaceful exsistance? I guess so.

Anyway, today is a pretty important day. It's the feild day for the tee-ball kids! Now the feild day was SUPPOSED to be yesterday. It was BEAUTIFUL yesterday! Bright,sunny and the kind of day when you have feild day for the children. Unfortunately, the league got ahold of the weather report and changed it so we headed up to bowling for Austin and Collin.

After that mom and I went and ran some errands and spent some time at home. Anyway, seeing as they canceled yesterday today is feild day. No bouncy houses. No dunktank. In other words, I think this event is going to be boring as hell! Supposedly the kids are going to psned the time playing kickball and stuff. Brillant plan. (Note: Yes,that is me being cheeky!)

The event starts at 2 p.m. and that's why I'm suddenly typing faster. I need to get ready to head out. You know? Get a decent,clean shirt on,get my camera ready,and set things up so I can go. Honestly, I'm really not in the mood but I get to see the kiddos that didn't attend the tee-ball party. It's going to be a lot of fun...I guess.

Another thing I have to do is run by the nursinghome and visit Gram. I made a slight error when I said she headed back there yesterday. She didn't. She stayed at the hospital and is returning today. Needless to say,I am a little annoyed with the ammount of time she's spending at the hospital but I guess that's just the way it goes. I just keep thinking about how much longer can this continue,how much longer can she hold out and all the things she'll miss because she may not be here for them. (She keeps mentioning that she may never see me get married or she may never see me have kids. Admitedly,the girl in our family usually take that in reverse order.)

I'm heartbroken over that but I decided to take the next step I need to,to help my grandmother,find peace. Or at least I feel this will help her find peace. I got my uncle's address and I have a letter waiting to be sent. Not sure what comes next but I need to do this for her. Okay,I guess that's it. Off to get my stuff together and get ready to go. Talk to you all later.

My Happy List

2011-09-24T23:53:00.000-04:00

1. Grandma's out of the hospital and on her way back to the nursinghome. The good news is at the moment her ammonia level is down to 48 but the bad news is that the level will always be on the verge. I guess my thought is just to focus on the good side....for now.

2. A family member found my uncle's address. Thanks,family member. I appreciate that! I have the letter all set, the address is promptly displayed and I am ready for the battle of a lifetime. Keep a positive thought here.

3. Chocolate Triffle Brownies! I ordered my T.S. stuff and I got The Trio and the Chocolate Triffle Brownies...and I am sooo jazzed! I also suspect I am getting a special surprize from my cousin for rescheduling my party so she and her hubbie could go to her granddaughter's birthday party.

4. My adorable nephews had great success at bowling today! Austin bowled a 135 in his first game and I am so proud. He bowled 3 strikes in one game and Collin bowled today for the first time. Luckily,he is on a team with an adorable little girl,named Lily,and one of his teammates,from Happy Featherz,named DeAndre. It was so much fun to see Collin bouncing around and having sooo much fun.

5. Jaedyn and Ary. I can't mention one set of adorable,lovely children without mentioning the others,right? I love,love,love my Jaedyn Bear and my beautiful little Princess Ary.

6. Hockey season starting soon. Right now watching the Red Sox is sooo painful so I'm focusing on the B's winning defending their title. Let's go,Bruins!

7. Getting to see the t-bbal kidos tomorrow. So jazzed that I'm going to get to see Emma and the rest of the kids tomorrow. Pictures will be posted!

Dear So and So: The Why Can't this Be Done Already

2011-09-23T11:47:00.000-04:00

Dear. Red Sox,
You have a decent team and I am a huge fan,as everyone is keenly aware,and while I know you didn't want the AL East Championship let me just ask,'WHY THE FRIG HAVEN'T YOU SEWED UP THE WILDCARD YET?" Tampa Bay? Breathing down our necks. Angels? Breathing down our necks. Tonight you play the Yankees and your magic number is like 6! Clinch this sucker up already.
Let's Get this done,
A Loud and Proud Red Sox fan

Dear. Lovely people at the Nursinghome and the Hospital,
Okay, I get why grandma's ammonia levels are soooo messed up but can someone PLEASE explain to me why it gets down to 45 at the hospital,you send her back to the home and it skyrockets?!?! I wish we could understand this. I wish I could find my uncles address. I wish my grandma could just find peace.
The Girl looking Heavenward,
Me

Dear. ABC Daytime,
I will not be tuning into watch The Chew. The fact you felt compelled to bring back Dixie and Stuart on AMC just to have the show end today is pissing me off! I knew that daytime director,Brian Frons,was gunning for soaps when he shitcanned PC,when he lied to the fans,and most notably when he lied to Susuan Lucci. HOW DO YOU LIE TO ERICA KANE,MAN?!?! Still, I don't believe a thing you say and I give The Chew like a month before you pulling it off the air.
Bring back AMC and Don't Cancel OLTL,
A Huge Daytime Fan

Dear. Ex-Boyfriend's Best Friend,
I haven't said it yet but I think you're cute.
Okay,haven't what am I waiting for,
The chick you say is awesomely hot

Where Is Peace?

2011-09-22T14:54:00.000-04:00

Hey.everyone. Just wanted to put in a quick post. Things have gotten really crazy around here. Particularly late at night or early in the a.m.. This morning,around 2 this morning,we got a call from the nursinghome. Grandma is back at the hospital. I spent the rest of the night up bouncing from my bed to the computer and back again. I'm wipedout. So is mom.

All of this has gotten me thinking and I'm going to try to find my uncle. I haven't seen him in roughly 20 years but I think I need to find him for grandma. I'm going to start by mailing him a letter. The problem is I cannot find his address online,despite trying it a 100 different ways,nor can I afford to pay to have him tracked down. Does anyone know if there are any free website that allow you to access someone's address? I have the letter all written I just need to put his address on it.

I am sort of also thinking that maybe I shouldn't bother. It's like grandma's waiting on him. I hope I don't have to explain what "waiting" for him means but let's just say I think she'd find peace if I could find him. Make sense? Okay,guess that's it. I'm exhausted,my head is full of garbage and I'm just drained. Tiffany is sending dinner over for us,mom's laying down and the phone is ringing every five minutes. I hate it! Anyway,off to get some rest, maybe watch some TV.

Keep my grandma and my family in your prayers. We really need it.

We Want to Know Week 23

2011-09-21T10:49:00.000-04:00

Hosted by Mamarazzi and Alicia AKA Queso

{1} What is your MUST SEE show? I am a bit of a TV junkie. I usually just have it on for background noise. The only times I really actually sit and watch the TV is when my shows are on. My MUST see shows are, of course, Red Sox games, which have been painful lately,the second one is Sons of Anarchy,Really well written show,Law and Order:SVU,and Castle.

{2} What shows are you most excited to watch this season? Castle! I am absolutely antiicipating what will happen next! I want to know if Beckett will confess that she heard Castle tell her he loves her, whether she finds her mother's killer and how the chemistry will change with the new captin in the squadroom.

{3} How many hours a week do you actually watch TV? I admit I watch quite a bit of TV. Not as much as I did in the past but I do watch quite a bit. I DVR a lot too.

{4} Do you think TV has gotten too "racy" (vulgar, pushing the limit, etc)? I don't actually believe so. I mean back when I was a kid the schools and stuff were saying,'Oh,it's too violent." but then again I was getting bullied everyday. My stance remains the same on this. I think that TV should push the envelope to emulate society. I mean I think reality shows are pushing the violence too far and soap operas seem to be pushing mobsters are heros but I think that by watching these shows we're telling them,"Go ahead!" If you want the writers and networks to stop making vulgar shows you really need to consider that they put on the air what people are watching. We're telling them,"It's okay. We want to see this stuff." I think that it's all about what we tell networks we like to watch. If it's gotten too racy it's on the people who watch it but I don't actually believe that it's too racy.

{5} How many TVs do you have in your house? Four. One in my parents/computer room,one in the livingroom,one in the office,and one in my bedroom. Without the kids here the TV's aren't always on though. I frequently turn them off and listen to music instead.

Random Tuesday Thoughts

2011-09-20T14:46:00.000-04:00

1. Okay,so I have a slight stomach bug. Thanks so much tummy for being miserable! Hopefully,I feel better by tomrrow. It's always sooo much fun to be ill,isn't it?

2. Things with the Red Sox are getting a bit more interesting in that the team is now 3.0 games ahead of the Tampa Bay Rays. That's the good news. We're 3 games up and in possesion of the Wild Card in the AL East. What that basically means is if we can keep it up we can get to the playoffs. Fingers crossed. Still handing onto my Red Sox/Phillies prediction.

3. The t-ball party was held this weekend and it was a lot of fun. I spent most of the time trying to fight feeling ill and doing a lot of work. Basically,we just put the equipment, our bats,balls and stuff,on the ground and the kids played and had a blast! We had pizza and cake too. At the end of the day,we presented the kids with awards and trophies and the coaches got awards and medals. Thanks,to Dave Chadwick over at Chadwick's for the work he did for us. He had trophies done within 24 hours!

4. Getting really excited as all my favorite TV shows come back on the air in the next few weeks. I have the hardest times on Monday nights because I'm channel-surfing back and forth between the Red Sox game,Family Guy reruns and Castle. Thank goodness for DVR because I don't want to miss Castle but also SOA is back on and Law and Order:SVU is coming back on as well.

5. Put together an amazing dinner last night and I guess it was so good that I'm doing another version of it tonight. Last night I took shortribs and braised them in barbaque sauce with potatoes and peppers. Tonight I'm making a similar dish but it's got steak,sweet Italian sausage,carrots,peppers and potatoes mixed in barbaque sauce.

6. Spending more time talking to RJ then I am J now. I don't know why this happened. Part of me is really upset that I actually managed to become best friends with one of my ex-boyfriend's best friends. That's kind of disturbing and then to know that it's causing conflict between them. I know some of you are thinking,"Yeah,D,like you didn't know it would cause that kind of problem. Gimme a break." but I really didn't think that my being friendly with RJ,and having no romantic intension towards J,would cause this kind of conflict. All I know is I went in with the best of the intensions and it's wound up being a bittersweet kind of thing. I have a wonderful friendship with RJ and a miserable relationship with J.

7. Song of the week is "I Got You" by Thompson Square. The band is comprised of husband and wife singing duo Shawna and Keith Thompson and they are awesome. If you haven't sen the "I Got You" music video check it out. Shawna and Keith do a parody of the old Sonny and Cher show and let me just say Shawna is an impressive Cher impersonator.

8. I can feel fall in the air. Looking forward to tasting pumpkin spice doughnuts and drinking apple cider which I love. Of course fall also means Halloween,which I always look forward too.

9. Hoping I can plan a little birthday dinner this year with my sister in law,my sister and some of my favorite people in November. I haven't mentioned it yet but I'm optomistic. I'm going to try to get the dinner at Wasabi's. Keep you all posted on that as time goes on.

10. I know exactly what I want for my birthday this year. A Kindle! I have to admit that I've wanted one for the last two or three years. I know some of my friends,I.E. You guys!,have Nooks but I don't care. Nook,Kindle or anything.

11. Thinking with the fall coming of making a bunch of chillis,soups and stews once I get the fridge cleaned out. I love chilli,white and red,stews are rapidly growing on me,and I LOVE,LOVE,LOVE soup! Is there anything better then curling up on the couch,with a hot bowl of soup and some yummy bread? No? Yeah,I know.

12. I'm also looking at some fall desserts! Things involving apples and caramel. My favorites! I also want to look into pears as well. I love fall foods. YUMMERS!

13. Thinking of making tins of cookies for everyone this Christmas. I'm not big on baking projects but I think it would be nice to make some caramel truffle chocolate brownies,some warm butter cookies,and sugar cookies for the holidays. Sound good?

14. Hot chocolate and coffee cake. My midday snackie! Lovely,warm and sweet. Perfection!

15. Anticipating the next several months. The kids have their baseball banquet on Saturday,the babyshower is coming up,along with a 3D ultrasound of Jaedyn,and then on and on. Halloween,birthdays,Thanksgiving,Christmas and my parents vow renewl. Now we are up to one more ringbearer, Jaedyn,and possibly have a flowergirl in my lovely,pretty niece,Ary. She is such a beautiful little girl both inside and out. I say it all the time and I mean it,with a little tear falling from my eyes,that this little girl has made getting a niece the most divine gift from God. I feel truly blessed to be her auntie and I love how she laughs and smiles. She is the most beautiful and amazingly lovely little girl.

16. My house smells insane right now! Yummy peppers,potatoes,steak and sausage. They smell so good mixed all together. Amazingly,clean smell and I bet it tastes insanely good. I'm going to roast some corn on the cob to go with it. Maybe I'll post a picture with this.

17. Honestly, I love cooking veggies. There's just something amazing about cutting and cooking these amazing veggies. Folks, shop Farmers' Market. I love the way the food tastes. It's awesome!

18. Got some cards from DirectTV for two free movies. Mom and I have already begun debating which movies we want to watch. Ahhh...joy,rapture,two people who have totally different tastes in movies picking movies together. UGH! Yes, we could compromise but so far we haven't. In 31 years we haven't so what makes me think it's going to start now?

19. Attention gentleman, if you have back titties and moobies,aka Man BOOBS!,please reconsider the tanktop! I wear them but I am relatively toned up top. For some reason from the abs down I'm a mess but from the upper parts I'm good. I wish people would reconsider the tanks when they are like 500 pounds and don't look so appealing. No offense but I wouldn't wear halter tops. This is not a weight thing but a fashion thing.

20. Okay,number 20! Thank goodness and dinner is done. Except for the corn I'll be roasting off in a few. I cut the steak and sausage into bite-sized piece and it looks so good I want to dive into the pan. I'll post a picture later.

Happy Featherz Tball Party 2011

2011-09-18T18:47:00.000-04:00

The kids scoop out the cake I ordered with the team photo on it.

More scoopers and yes,they did point at themselves.

PIZZA!!!! We managed to feed the kids,the parents,sisters,brothers and cousins at the party.

More pizza pictures. All cheese,all yummy!

My 3rd baseman,Dominic is the most relaxed,chill kid on the planet. He is moving up to the bigger kids and I couldn't be prouder of the hard work he's done.

Mason and Olivia. Mason is the son of a woman I went to highschool with and Olivia's going to be on the team in 2 years.

Hmmm...whose this little guy? Yes,that's Collin. He's going to be playing fulltime next year.

DeAndre is the shortstop. After one of our older kids moved up he took over and we moved our shortstop to 1st and even though he's small he's very powerful.

Tiffany had the kids sign a giant posterboard,with a bird, and Happy Featherz 2011 written on it,for my mom and dad.

Ranen moved up midway through the season and it was just nice to have him back with us for one day.

The two team graduates! We love our kids and yes,we absolutely keep track of them as they move on.

Let them eat cake! The team photograph is on the cake and I love it.

Jaykob's parents will be coaching next year so he will go to their team. No matter where he goes I'm sure he will do really well.

Jaykob was an excellent utility infeilder. This means that he played anywhere we put him and did so very well. He is a terrific kid!

I think it's awesome to close out with Dominic because he was one of those kids who I absolutely loved to see running to first base or rounding third. He doesn't get angry,he would always give me a high 5 and he usually had to do it on the way by because the boy hit some doubles.

We Want to Know Wednesday

2011-09-14T19:07:00.001-04:00

Okay,so sorry for the lack of enteries. I honestly, have been super,duper busy lately. First,there's family drama,I won't go into that but let's just say I'm not happy with two particular members of my family and they are two people I NEVER expected to be mad at,but more then anything I'm not mad,I'm hurt! Second,I'm working on planning the end of the year tee-ball party and I'm trying to do that in order to deaden the pain of something else that's bugging me. Anyway, here's the WWTKW questionaire.

{1} What are 3 must haves for a long road trip? Music or Red Sox games on radio. I actually cannot even go short distances without the Red Sox. Bug spray,because I am allergic to any and every kind of bug on the planet, I even had to spray myself when I go coach tee-ball because I am allergic to sandfleas. Slurpees. I frequently joke that some people are like,"711 because they are open 24/7 and nothing good ever comes out." I was wrong! Slurpees are delish.

{2} What was the destination of your most recent road trip? Last time I went anywhere it was Rhode Island. In the winter my parents and I went to do some Christmas shopping in Rhode Island and in the summer, the last major roadtrip,was another trip to RI to Pawtuckett to see the PawSox play.

{3} What do you miss most about home when on a trip? Probaby my bed and the furkids. Okay,Angel only slightly. I would miss Gizmo alot.

{4} What is the furthest you have traveled on a road trip? I totally cannot remember. It was probably with one of the exes or my pals. I would rather not think of the last ones.

{5} Will you "stop for the largest ball of twine, etc" or are you a "hurry and get there" road tripper? I would totally stop off. I'm a sucker for anything I can photograph.

Don't Be Annoyed!

2011-09-14T18:53:00.003-04:00

I keep saying this to myself over...over...and over again but guess what? It's not working. I can't go into the details but let's just say it really amazes me that the people I least expected to hurt my feelings are doing a bang up job!

9/11 Tribute

2011-09-11T12:08:00.001-04:00

Rain...rain...went away

2011-09-09T13:58:00.000-04:00

Well....hello,my darlings! Hope everyone is doing well. I've been sort of depressed over the last few days so I haven't written anything. For that I apologize.   The last few days Massachusetts has been a rainy,dreary,and totally disgusting mess! Now the sun is shinning and I am marveling over what the last month of my life has looked like.

It all started at the end of August. My grandmother's doctor called and informed us that her ammonia level was up to 176 but she didn't need to go to the hospital. Okay...so he tinkered around and we waited...and waited...until Wednesday when FINALLY we went to visit her and realized that things were bad. She was disoriented and really sick. After that visit we decided to go against the doctor's orders and had her sent to the hospital.

Overall, the trip the hospital was helpful to grandma. She was back to her old self within a couple of days. In fact, on Thursday, she got there on Wednesday,I busted her screaming at a nurse when I delivered her a milkshake. On Sunday she headed back to the home and is now awaiting another ammonia level test.   (Fingers crossed that this goes well.)

This is not the only thing that's going on. Of course baby fever is hitting our family in a big way. Both my sister in law and my cousin are expecting baby boys. Jaedyn is doing very well! He's moving around nonstop and of course this is quite amusing. I keep teasing Blondie that he's the future shortstop for the Boston Red Sox or a player for the Boston Bruins. (Of course she swears he'll play for the Yankees.)

No word on whether Ary is going to become a perminant member of the family but then again we won't,probably,hear anything until January. In the meantime,we're planning a joint babyshower with Blondie's family. This is the first big event the families are planning together and so far it's been slow-going. I'm eager to get moving on all this but so far I'm having a difficult time.

Right now we're just trying to get everything organized and get prices for everything. Yes,folks,my event planning streak is coming into play. Keep you posted on how it's going.

Aside from that Austin has returned to school. A new school. The good news is he LOVES it and he likes his new teacher.   The other day he got home from school and declared that he wants to take the bus home.   He's becoming quite a little grownup. Collin starts school on Monday.

As far as school goes for me. I've decided to wait until spring to reapply for school.and take the math class then. Right now I'm desperately trying to find a job. I've decided to do some catering jobs and event planning parttime if I can manage it.   Oh,and I'm focusing on trying to get my life organized. Things with RJ haven't gotten anymore messier or complicated but we do spend a lot of time talking,joking and laughing.   He's told me a lot about his life and I really think he's adorable.

The Red Sox have hit a losing skid so let's hope they can change that tonight. Later I'll go with my mom to pick up dad from work and hopefully, she'll help me make dinner. Hope everyone has a fantastic day.

We Want to Know Wednesday

2011-09-07T11:33:00.000-04:00

1. What is your favorite holiday? My favorite holiday is Halloween. Before anyone gets all uppity let me explain that growing up my dad worked like a madman so my mom could stay home and raise three kids and honestly even that left us wondering sometimes where stuff was going to come from but we would spend Halloween together if we could. My dad would help us make our costumes, Picking up odds and ends along the way.,we'd get the stuff together,for that night,and we'd go and trick or treat in this neighborhood that is just awesome. In fact, my nephews STILL trick or treat in the same area. The neighbors decorate their houses,they give out top knotch candy and it's just fun. Back when we were kids we'd get home and order pizza but now we go to Friendly's with the kids. It's so much fun! Usually after we finish that up we go home and I settle in to watch Bram Stocker's Dracula. It's fun!

2. Do you have any fun holiday traditions? What are they? I think I just described it. We have a few other traditions. During the 4th of July we bundle the kids into their pj's,take them over to this old parkinglot,near a grocery store,we take lawn chairs and a picnic and go there to watch the fireworks. It's better then being on the pier where it's crowded and insane. Plus, we can see fireworks from three cities. Our other traditions are things like tracking Santa on Norad at Christmas, I read the kids a The Night Before Christmas,we go to church,and of course we watch A Christmas Carol and of course we bundle the kids into their pj's,load them into the car,and take them to see the Christmas lights. It's just a lot of fun.

3. When do you start Christmas shopping? Usually, I start the week before although I'm always considering what to get. My brother started collecting Christmas villages and I,of course,do nothing small so I went out and got him the village,the trees and all. It was really cool. I make lists months before and that's how I start.

4. What is your favorite holiday food? I'm not picky when it comes to food. Honestly, I can't pinpoint that there's one food I'll eat at the holidays more then any other time so that's not something I consider. My mom makes turkey and stuff like that year round. I guess if I had to pick one meal that I love to sit down and eat it's the Thanksgiving dinner at my church. It's a lot of fun and there's tons of different kinds of foods. Yummy!

6. Have you ever actually tried fruitcake?? Yes. My grandmother used to make a bunch of cookies, cakes and even fruitcake but Gram makes this differently. Her's was moist and actually tasted good. The one time I tried a fruitcake that tasted awful was one my ex-boyfriend's mom made. She sent it to his apartment and I cut off a sliver and it was disgusting! Dried fruit and it tasted like cardboard. YUCK!
5. Share a favorite childhood holiday memory? My dad wound up getting mugged by a Christmas tree. Growing up I lived in a tiny three bedroom apartment on a third floor and every year we had the same debate. How big was too big with regards to our tree? One year my sister,my brother and I fell in LOVE with this huge tree. My mom kept saying,"It's too big. It won't fit." and of course my dad was thinking,"I can make it fit." so we bring it home and surprise it's too big. Even after my dad cut it,it was STILL too big so he came up with this brilliant idea. He was going to cut the tree,take some yarn and tie it to this metal hook that was used to hold the drapes back on the window sill. It all sounded good until the middle of the night when suddenly we heard a crash! My dad,who had pretty bad insomnia, had fallen asleep in front of the TV,under the tree,and by under the tree I literally mean UNDER THE TREE! The tree was on top of him! Okay,it's not funny but seeing my dad,who bare in mind I thought was a superhero because I was like 7 years old,was hilarious! We tease him to this day about it because he should've listened to my mom. Come to think of it I can pinpoint a lot of situations where my mom is right and no one really hears her.

Random Tuesday Thoughts

2011-09-06T17:05:00.000-04:00

1. Okay,so I've had two earaches,after all I have two ears,for the last week or so. That being said no,I have not felt like writing in my journal. For that I apologize. Anyway, I'm feeling somewhat better. Not much but somewhat.

2. First day of school for my Austin. He actually started a new school and he LOVED it. Of course the school is not making it easy. They are afraid to have him there due to his seiszures. That sucks! Look,as long as he takes his medication he's fine. Build a bridge,school,and GET OVER IT!

3. Dinner tonight is spaghetti. I have leftover sauce from the night I made meatballs. I figured I'd just cook hamburg and toss it in. Sound good?

4. Okay,so time for a pet peeve. I am so fed upwith people who are on the cellphones and you can totally hear their conversation. If you're screaming at someone I do not want to hear it. Am I alone here?

5. Song of the week is,"Headache" by Joey + Rory. Love this song.

6. SOA tonight! Woohoo! I have missed my Jax and Castle will be back on soon. It's going to be super interesting to see what comes next now that Castle has admited he loves Beckett.

7. Okay,so I'm not talking to J as much as I am his friend RJ. I've just decided that as long as J says it's okay then I shouldn't feel guilty. J is in a messed up marriage and that was his choice. RJ is just a fun guy,whose friendly,and makes me laugh. All things considered that's fine.

8. Ran by today to watch Collin while Tiff went to get Austin from school. He's so funny. Collin is learning to make "scary" faces and he makes them all the time. I usually grab him and hug him. "My monster." I tell him. He's a doll.

9. Speaking of a doll. For those of you wondering Ary is doing great! I miss my princess though. She's soooo cute!

10. Red Sox play tonight. Thigns did not go well yesterday. We lost 1 to 0 but the worst news came in the 4th when Josh Beckett slipped off the mound and sprained his ankle. (I c-aann't breeeaattthhheee!) With three weeks left in the season this is NOT the best time to hear this. OH,and Erik Bedard is having knee trouble. UGH! I can't take the drama.

11. Okay,so I'm watching Say Yes to the Dress and wondering,"Why would you bring people who say mean things with you?" IF someone said something awful to me I think I'd tell them,"Okay,you can so leave now!" Some people JUST do not think before they think and that stinks.

12. It's raining...AGAIN! UGH!

13. For those of you wondering,grandma's back at the nursing home. Went to visit her today and she is super cranky again. What else is new? She's back to her old self again. Of course she was complaining about the trip to the hospital and all the bruises she got.

14. Happily planning my sister in law's baby shower with my mom. For those of you wondering, if you haven't read all ready, my sister in law is having a baby boy! Jaedyn Jonathyn. I cannot wait to meet my new nephew. He's going to be a beautiful baby! I love my sister in law,my brother, my niece and my nephew all ready.

15. Going to also be doing some baby clothes shopping shortly! I want to get something Red Sox. Yes,despite Blondie being a Yanks fan. My thought process goes once Jaedyn starts crawling we can put a Red Sox outfit on one side and a Yanks on the other and let Jaedyn decide what he's going to be. If he's part of the evil empire I'll be heartbroken but I'll remind him every day that I love him and his taste in baseball teams in questionable!

16. No word yet on where I'll be coaching next year or if at all. Part of me still wants to do it but another part of me wonders if maybe this is a sign I wasn't meant to coach. I don't want drama. I don't want to deal with that kind of stress but at the same time I LOVE the kids and even I will say I am a very,very,very good coach. I think I surprised a lot of people in how I handled the kids, what I did in terms of teaching and how good the kids I worked with were. Keep you posted on what goes on and what I decide to do.

17. We are having our tee-ball party in a few weeks. I am looking very,very forward to our celebration. A huge pizza party for our kids and boy do they deserve it! We had such an awesome bunch of kids and I am so proud. I've been on the phone getting estimates for trophies.

18. Going to start dinner in a few minuntes. Mom's been nagging me for a few minutes. I need to get moving on this.

19. Watching South Park. Very funny.

20. Okay,off to make dinner. Talk to you all tomorrow!

The Big Announcement!

2011-09-02T13:25:00.001-04:00

I've been counting this day down since ummmm....well...since the day I found out I was going to be an auntie for a fourth time and while I was thinking pink. Blue is cool too! So, now I bet you're all wondering and here it is:

The new addition to our family is a.......BOY!

Jaedyn Jonathyn will be here in late December or early January.

Lots of Red Sox gear is on the way. (Yeah,despite, the fact that Jaedyn's mommy is a hardcore Yankees fan.)

Random Tuesday Thoughts

2011-08-30T11:13:00.000-04:00

1. Oh,goodie. I woke up this morning with my anxiety level at an all-time,mega,super high. Remember the terrorist alerts of a few years ago that the president most recently retired? Well, I'm at level,"I don't like this because I feel out of control." which totally sucks eggs. Hopefully,it'll ease up soon but I'm not optomistic.

2. Big baseball series tonight! Red Sox/Yankees and it's about time that the guys at Nesn got to broadcast all three Red Sox/Yanks games. For the last few months ESPN and FOX have gotten at least 2 out of the 3 games and to put it bluntly the announcers at ESPN and FOX suck! They suck powerfully and that's me being nice. They fired the last set over at ESPN and honestly, it's a crying shame they haven't fired these guys too. Still, Remy and D.O. will do a fantastic job,as always.

3. So, after watching Sundays Keeping up with the Kardashians I must admit I was stunned that Kris,Kendell and Kylie found crybaby Kim's earring. Amazingly enough after finding it Kris didn't say,"Well,I found it." but instead heaped all the praise onto Kendell and Kylie. I thought that was super sweet! Aside from that he also managed to maintain his temper when he found out his girlfriend NEVER told him she was married before.

4. Song of the week honors goes to JT Hodges for Hunt You Down. It's a catchy,little upbeat,country song that I was actually dancing to in the car the other day. I love it.

5. Okay,so I got myself into quite a pickle. UGH! Anyway, my pickle is quite simple. My ex-boyfriend,J, is now seperated from his wife and they have a 3 month old son. After hearing about her struggles with PPD I decided to get in contact with J. Just to say,"Hi!" and I was there if he needed to talk. No more then that. No romance. No issues. Just wanted to say,"Hey, hope everything is okay." and that was that! One day I was im'ing with J and his friend RJ and I started talking and poof there's definite chemsitry there. DEFINITE CHEMISTRY! I hate feeling like I'm betraying J but I'm not in a relationship with him and he says he's okay with it but recently I revealed that I had given RJ my phone number and he wrote down my e-mail address. Okay, so guess what? RJ and I are talking but I'm not sure how that's going to go. Still, I feel like I should clue J in to what's going on. You know other then,"Oh,hey,we occasionally talk when you're with him?"

6. My brain is running on overtime. I have to do something to stop that. Maybe I'll clean the kitchen. Yeah,I'm going to go clean the kitchen.

7. Well, I guess I'll do my 20 randoms and then clean the kitchen. I'm sitting here just thinking about everything that COULD be wrong and it's making me stressful and I need a distraction. Maybe cleaning the kitchen will help.

8. For those of you wondering,Gizmo is doing super well. He's so adorable. He's getting to be normal guinea pig size. In other words,he eats like a horse. I had a T.S. dem recently, If you want to place an order let me know and I'll send you the link,and came home with baby carrots. Giz was super happy! He managed to eat almost half of what was left.

9. Put in an application at Savers. Fingers crossed that I can get a job. I'm there so frequently I might as well be working there.

10. I still have a headache so I guess it's not allergies. It's stress! I have a migraine,I guess. A cluster headache. Lovely. Any suggestions on how to get rid of it?

11. Most of the state is still having poweroutages. In other words most of the state is still in the dark. It sucks.

12. Think I'll just clean the whole house today. I started loading up laundry bags in the bathroom so I'm going to work on the rest of the stuff. Get my head in a good place. I guess cleaning will accomplish that.

13. Okay,so apparently, Beyonce is preggers. I love how she waited a bit to tell everyone. I thought that she used the stage to the fullest advantage. I bet her and Jay-Z are going to have a beautiful baby and I can't wait to find out the name.

14. I wish I could go on a vacation. Somewhere warm and tropical! Somewhere where I can relax and lay on the beach. Strangely enough I recently stated that to RJ and he said,"I wish I could too. You know somewhere warm,sandy,and fun?" Yeah. He told me someday he'd teach me how to surf.

15. I don't know exactly what's going on with me and RJ. We just enjoy talking to each other and J is still married so it's not like I feel any level of comitment to J. He made his choice and I admit I shouldn't be talking to his friends but I like him! He's warm,funny,and extremely affectionate. I wish he wasn't J's friend because that would make it easier but he is. I'm so confused. Should I just keep talking to him and just being his friend or as he puts it,"Should we just give in and take the leap?" Plus, there's a long distance issue there too but that is obviously NOT my biggest concern.

16. Watching Say Yes to the Dress. I love how these women spend millions on a dress and look like hookers when they are done. UGH! I guess if I were to get married I would have to wear something simple,elegant and beachy because someday I want to get married on the beach.

17. I have to admit that I occasionally imagine my dream wedding dress. My thoughts? Simple I want something with a rose sleeve. Does that make sense? I hope so.

18. Got to feed Gizmo too. I'm sitll waiting to go and pick up supplies for him. He needs his cage cleaned.

19. Off to go clean the kitchen,vaccum the livingroom and maybe I'll make myself some lunch.

20. Okay,latta gators! xoxo.

Surviving the Storm

2011-08-29T14:35:00.000-04:00

Greetings,darlings from the beautiful state of Massachusetts. Hopefully, you're all doing well and for those of you cleaning up after hurricane/tropical storm Irene my prayers go out to you. I must admit that once again most of my family freaked out over nothing but the ones of us that remained calm actually didn't have it too bad. In my immediate family's case we got through the storm with minimal damage and the biggest concern we had was a tree outside that has a lose branch and would've taken out the family turtles had it fallen.

Other then that it wasn't bad!

Today has been relatively quiet. Early this morning my mom and I went to visit my sister and went to visit grandma. Grandma's ammonia level is up again and is setup for a blood test tomorrow. She looks a little better so I'll keep you all posted. After the trip to the nursing home we're now just killing time until 4 when we go pick up my dad from work. (At this point I'm also dropping off an application at Savers.)

All the animals are well. Gizmo is grateful I had a food dem on Saturday because he got the leftover carrots. Angel is, as usual,always in trouble but that's about it. I don't have much else going on. We're excitedly planning the babyshower and, of course, counting down until we find out whether or not Baby Pops is a boy or a girl. (Blondie and Den are thinking boy!) Okay. Talk to you all later.

People are Nuts!

2011-08-26T08:23:00.000-04:00

There's an old saying in Massachusetts that goes,"If you don't like the weather wait 5 minutes,it'll change." Truer words were never spoken as we near the weekend. See, we're actually looking down the barrel of Tropical Storm Irene and if you're wondering that's where the title fits in.

PEOPLE ARE NUTS!!!!!

Of course after YEARS of living in Massachusetts, 31 to be exact, I'm not that worried about it. The main thing I was wondering about the Red Sox games over the next few days! Seemingly it has been worked out. Instead of playing Sunday,which is the day Hurricane/Tropical Storm Irene,will hit they will play two games on Saturday.   Apart from that there's not much going on.

I have my Tastefully Simple dem tomorrow and I need to go pick up the stuff to make the food and get some soda   Other then that I'm not too concerned about everything.

Oh,and we're also planning the babyshower. 6 days until we find out if Baby Pops is a boy or a girl. We have our guestlist and all put together so I'm also having a friend from highschool make the cake.   Hope we find out soon so I can get an the info to my friend and figure out what we're going to have.

Okay,guess that's it! I'm off to have breakfast. Talk to you all later!

We Want to Know Wednesday

2011-08-24T19:26:00.000-04:00

1. What is the best advice someone has ever given you? Probably the best advice I've ever been given is to try to learn as much as humanly possible. If you think you know everything learn more. This approach has helped in a lot of different ways in that,that has helped me. It's just made me a better person in general. I'm not afraid to let people approach things in a different way and allow myself the opportunity to see things from other points of view. It definitely helps!

2. What is your greatest accomplishment? I don't think I've reached that yet. I mean it's not like I haven't accomplished things but to me graduating college and all is not really that much of an accomplishment. I think that would be the one I'd say now but I hope to have some bigger ones along the way.

3. Who do you admire? This is going to sound utterly cheesey but I must admit that I really admire my mom. She nearly died and yes it bugs her but she has fought. I actually think anyone whose had to endure ANYTHING like that is worthy of being admired. I also admire Red Sox pitcher,Jon Lester,and former Sox player,Mike Lowell. Both of these men have battled cancer and a year after going into remission Lester went out and threw a no-hitter. I know that sounds hokey but honestly,if you're a baseball fan you realize that,THAT is no easy feat and now these guys go around and talk to other cancer paitents and help everyone they can. To me that is extremely admirable.

4. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be? I would probably say my temper. I must admit that it's not one of my better traits. Oh,don't get me wrong it leads to some funny moments and meltdowns BUT it also gets me in trouble and has made me say some really awful things! I hate it but it's really true.

5. How do you want to be remembered? Hopefully, as a lovable,kind person who tries to help everyone and made people laugh. I think that's the thing I want to be remembered for. Someone who was a REALLY decent person. I mean you can have money and be a trainwreck of a person so I'd rather be remembered as being someone who was really nice and made others happy.

Random Tuesday Thoughts

2011-08-23T13:02:00.000-04:00

1. Greetings and happy Tuesday my loves! Hopefully, you're doing well. I must admit that it's a bit brisk in Massachusetts today. The breeze would be awesome for baseball but I'm strolling around in jeans and long sleeves today so I'm not so thrilled.

2. Well, things in my neighborhood have officially gotten weird. The guy across the street seems to take delight in torturing the neighborhood dogs which of course I find totally repulsive. Of course,I don't really see it as a problem for Angel because I bring her out on a leash and only for short periods but the German Shepherd next door should not be victimized. Nor should his own dog. Anyway, just now I took Angel outside and I caught him,his roommate and their dog staring at the both of us from the window. Disturbing!

3. I'm supposed to be taking the boys to the zoo on Friday! They are going to LOVE this! Of course they'll love it more when they find out they are going. Of course I'm hoping the caraseoul or the train are up and running because Collin loves them both so much.

4. I'm sitting here enjoying my latest treat obsession. Jelly Belly jellybeans. My favorite are the toasted marshmellow ones. They are so good! The local grocery store sells the individual bags and I am in love!

5. So, who watched Keeping Up with The Kardashians this weekend? I did! Boy, Kim is such a drama queen. Watching the Kardashians make me wonder how a relatively drama-free chick like myself is still single. I don't cry over losing things,I don't scream or get upset but these girls wear $75,000 dollar earrings in the water,lose one and sob? Really?!?!

6. I recently was invited to share a story about my nephews and my niece on Heard on the Playground recently. This is a site all about kids and the funny things they say and do. I feel blessed to have great examples to draw from. I have an adorable niece and my nephews are beyond funny.

7. Song of the week is Hell on Heels by Pistol Annies. The band has my favorite singer in it,Miranda Lambert.

8. Exhausted. Going to take a nap in a few.

9. Gizmo update. He's doing great. He's a funny little guy! So cute! More pictures as soon as I can.

10. Still looking for work. Hope to find something soon.

11. Went and brought Austin powedered doughnuts today! He's so cute! He ran across the lawn to meet me as I strolled in the house with the doughnuts. So funny!

12. Half asleep. Boy this sucks. I need caffine. Guess I should start drinking coffee.

13. Hope I'm done soon. Going to visit grandma later,I hope.

14. Finish more randoms later but I'm wiped. Checking out early.

My Happy List

2011-08-21T11:19:00.001-04:00

At some point I'll have to do a photographed "Happy List" but that's not today. The batteries in my camera are dead so here's my happy list.

1. Reconnecting with an old friend. Yes, it's an old boyfriend, and yes,it's J, but things are a bit different. He's married with a little boy and his wife is having issues with post partum and is in the hospital so when a mutual friend got in contact and told me I couldn't resist the urge to call and see how he's doing. His life has hit the skids. He's living with his parents, his son,and his wife is in the hospital. I guess what I'm saying is,"In life you are occasionally given the opportunity to be a friend and exhibit maturity." and this is my chance.

2. Having Gizmo to make me laugh. It's so odd that suddenly I have this little furball of perfection and how happy he makes me. What a sweetie! He is slowly emerging from his shell and it's adorable. He's super excited about everything,he loves to play and he stole my heart the night that he started bouncing around during a Red Sox game! Yup,he's mama's boy.

3. My adorable niece and nephews as well as Baby Pops. I love being an auntie. It's the best job in the world! I love all four children for different reasons. Ary is so funny. She is just a beautiful little girl and I pray she remains part of this family,Austin is so endearing,He's a kind child who likes to help everyone,and Collin is just my little bruiser! As far as Baby Pops she/he is just too funny. Apparently, Baby Pops is developing a very unique personality!

4. Portuguese bakeries. A lot of my relatives,two cousins in particular,claim they aren't Portuguese. Ummm...guys I hate to break it to you but you are and it really isn't a bad thing. Walking into a Portuguese bakery is enough to make folks super jealous! The bakery smells amazingly delicious. I LOVE it! It smells warm and homey to me. I went yesterday and got a the biggest,puffiest,most delicious dessert....EVER! It was like a huge pillow only you can eat it. YUMMERS!

5. Old black and white movies. There is nothing better then curling up with a big bowl of popcorn,a glass of diet Coke with lots of ice and an old movie! Oh,and okay, maybe some chocolate. I love old movies!

6. Red Sox baseball. Yes, they lost last night but I LOVE baseball. It something that's brought me closer to people I've never met and closer to people I dearly love. Not to mention there's nothing wrong with drooling over Ryan Kalish,Ryan Lavarnway,and Jacoby Ellsbury.

7. Getting to relax in super comfy jammies! There's something wonderful about my new pj's and it's simply this. They are feminine,sexy,but also comfortable and cool. Bonus. I wish I could walk around in them all day!

8. Getting some quiet time. I hate chaos so any chance I get to bask in quiet I'm happy for.

9. Reading a good book. I love reading and curling up under a snuggly fleece and getting lost in the wonderful world of a book. Love it!

10. Naps. There's nothing better then a nap. Seriously. I love curling up in bed and just falling asleep.

Another Cute Piggy

2011-08-18T20:22:00.000-04:00

Thankful Thursday

2011-08-18T14:35:00.000-04:00

1. Getting to pick up my adorable Gizmo yesterday. He is the cutest,little guinea pig ever and I love him to itty bitty bits and pieces. I promise a better picture once he bonds a little more.

2. My brother,Den,for being so awesome. Yesterday was my brother's 29th birthday and he is just a terrific guy! His life in the past year has been insanity but in a totally blessed way. He became a foster dad,found that his fiancee' was pregnant,and then he got married. He works nonstop from 7 to 7 and is just amazing! Love you,Den!

3. My adorable nephews,my niece and Baby Pops. I absolutely LOVE,LOVE,LOVE these kids! Even if Ary goes back to her biological parents deep in my heart Ary will always be my beautiful niece.

4. My new haircut. I think my hair looks soooo cute! I love flipping it around and how cute it is!

5. Snickers Ice cream bars. Yummy! I love them!

6. The baseball season is going well for Red Sox. Okay,we have Youk on the DL and a few other players are on the DL but they are in the Wild Card and that works for me. I love my baseball team.

7. Slipping on my skinny jeans yesterday and only having a few inches to go before they fit. I am so proud! How awesome is it that my skinny jeans are starting to fit? Cool!

8. Taking the boys on a surprise adventure next week! I must admit I wanted to take Ary too but she has daycare that day and Blondie is working. I wish I could bring Ary with us but it's going to be just me and my boys!

9. Getting to eat a lot of Mexican food over the last few days. I've had a tons of cravings as of late and Mexican is at the very,tippity,top of my list.

10. Planning fun events with my nephews. When they lived here it never occured to me to take them fun places and now it does.

Meet Gizmo!

2011-08-18T10:43:00.000-04:00

This is Gizmo! After two days of exchanging emails with his former owner dad and I went yesterday to pick up our very cute new friend. He came from a woman whose very pregnant and has severe allergies. He's extremely spoiled all ready!

We Want to Know Wednesday Week 18

2011-08-17T11:59:00.000-04:00

{1} Did you live in the same town or move around a lot as a child?
I've lived in the same city,except for 2 years as an adult,my whole,entire life. It's not my favorite place but it has it's charm. At night when you're driving in from Fairhaven, New Bedford,where I live, is so pretty but honestly, if I ever get the chance I'm moving back to Wareham or maybe to Freetown. I love the country and around here they are as country as you can get.

{2} What were your parents like?
Growing up I was primarily raised by mom because my dad worked a lot. I don't have a lot of great memories of my father growing up because when he was home he was usually asleep or he was just really crabby from working so much. I guess my mom was both mom and dad. She was tough when she had to be but we also had a lot of fun with her and to this day my relationship with my dad is still kind of tricky. He tends to try to spoil me now and buy me stuff but it's not really what I'm looking for. I guess I just want him to realize that I'm a really good daughter and admit it,not in front of a bunch of people,but just to me but sometimes he jsut doesn't seem to be capable of it.

{3} Do you have any siblings? What were they like growing up?
Yes. I am the eldest of three children. I have a younger sister,Tiff,and a younger brother,Den. Tiff was super whiney growing up. I mean she was just one of those kids who was always whinning. Oh,and she was the perfect blackmail victim. She'll never forget her first kiss because Den and I blackmailed her into doing our chores and my mom caught us and we had to do Tiff's for a month. Yeah, Den and I were troublemakers. When the neighborhood kids would fight with him, it happened a lot,he and I would team up. One kid,Ricky,threatened to jump over our fence,in the backyard,after he spent the whole day throwing these little hard apples at us and Den and I kept telling him,"Do it! Go ahead." and then he did it. Only he landed on his knees and Den and I just beat the daylights out of him. Over the years it's pretty much stayed the same. Tiff is the perfect martyr,Den and I are more then willing to get in trouble to prove a point and he's super protective of us both.

{4} Share a short story from your childhood.
As I previously stated my brother,whose 29 today,was super protective of us. When we were younger we lived on a block where there were guys always outside and if you've never been around a Portuguese man let's just say they voice their appreciation for the opposite sex...loudly and in a very dirty way. So, we're in highschool and there's this guy,who claimed to be mentally handicapped,I say claimed because I went to elementary school with him and he was fine,but he was just disgusting. He never showered, he was greasy,and he would sit on the stoop outside where our bus stop was when we were in highschool. Tiff and I sat in the front of the bus and Den sat in the back. Well,one day the guy made some really dirty and very nasty comments to me and Tiff. After we got home Den caught up with us and I knew I shouldn't tell him what was said but Tiff,as usual,was crying and so he demanded we tell him and so we did. He marched back to where the guy was,probably waiting on the late bus,and started screaming at him,cussing him out and threatening to beat him for saying dirty things to his sisters. Good thing my dad was home because my brother literally had this moron pinned to the side of a building when he pulled up.

{5} What did you look like? (share a childhood pic for a chance to win a prize)
Okay,it's not the best picture but it's the last family photograph that was taken with the notable exception of my sister's wedding. Plus, I don't have any of our childhood pictures saved so I had to take this with my cellphone. I must've been about 10 years old and in case I need to tell you I'm the one in the pink with the long blonde hair and glasses. Very 80's picture,no?

Random Tuesday Thoughts

2011-08-16T16:02:00.000-04:00

1. Happy Random Tuesday to you all! Boy have the last few days been insane,or what?   The weather has been crappy, I've been depressed,and then to top it off I found out that Cal was cheating on me. This news came last night while I was talking to Jessie. Lovely!

2. Operation Get Da Guinea Pig is ongoing. I think I have a promising lead. I found a guinea pig on Craigslist and he is absolutely the cutest little thing EVER!   I have my fingers crossed about whether or not we get him. I have to pick out a name for him! I'm thinking Jax or Pedey. Actually, I'm leaning towards Jax.

3. Watching the Red Sox play the Rays. 3 to 1 Red Sox. As you might guess that makes me extremely happy. Of course I'm keeping track of all my baseball this week. I was personally surprised to hear that Logan Morrison, aka Lo Mo,got demoted to AAA New Oreleans. He has the second highest average on the team and he was batting .250. Why would you demote a guy for that? Well, that's not exactly all of it. I think Lo Mo was demoted because he's a smidge twitter addicted.

4. Song of the week is I Do but Do I by Katie Arminger. I love her music. Best Song Ever really is one of the best songs ever. Still, if you need to upload a CD or something do yourself a favor. Pick "Confessions of a Nice Girl" by Katie Arminger. Great songs.

5. So, no one has commented yet. What do you all think of my hair? I've gotten a lot of compliments. I will be eventually changing the color. Either to light brown with blonde highlights or strawberry blonde with brown highlights. Keep you posted!

6. I keep looking at the guinea pig's picture and smiling. He is so adorable. I'm browsing through names to find one I like. Mom vetoed Jax. I think in part it had to do with the fact that it was a name used on General Hopsital. She suggested Sox or something but I kind of was thinking Mac,Lucky,Jax or Tucker.

7. Got a pot roast in the oven. My mom says it smells amazing. Personally, I don't think so but I will enjoy it...I'm sure.

8. Red Sox....WIN!!!!!! WOOHOOO! Yay!

9. Went to visit grandma and her roommate,Millie today. They are so cute! Grandma is getting really demanding but we love her anyway.   Her nurse told us today that she's demanding and that's because we spoil her. I agree with that. For sure.

10. I have to make somre cresent rolls to go with the pot roast. The smell is kinda making me queasy.

11. Oh,yes,and did I mention Vito is here. That rat bastard. Part of me wants to get knocked up so I can avoid this but well...prespective fathers are hard to come by.

12. For those of you wondering I once watched a comedy special featuring Richard Jenni and he stated that a woman's period is like,"A baby hunting loneshark." It made me think of some big,burly Soparno-looking guy named Vito. Vito is a horrible man. He knocks me down, kicks me in the ovaries and makes me miserable.

13. Another baseball game at 7. UGH! Hopefully,they can play as well as they did today! My friend took his son to see the game and it was awesome! They got to see a great pitching match. It's awesome!

14. Craving nachos and cheese. I will probably save those for when I get to the second game. YUMMERS!

15. Ary,Austin and Collin are doing well. Planning a zoo trip with Austin and Collin as well as going to see Spy Kids 4 with Austin. Just wondering. Will I need to see Spy Kids 1,2 and 3 to get 4? Has anyone seen Spy Kids 4? Just wondering.

16. I wish I could take Ary to the zoo. I think she'd love it. Maybe I'll see if Blondie and Ary would like to tag along. I bet that would be so fun.

17. I'm exhausted! Seriously! I was supposed to go to Austin's bowling banquet yesterday and I was just wiped. So, I stayed home.

18. Austin won 3 giftcards for bowling! One for just participating and two for being most improved! How awesome is that? I am so proud of him.

19. Nearly done with randoms. Thank goodness I was running out. I think I started petering out around 8.

20. Okay,time to go check on the pot roast. Latta gators!

Little Bee

2011-08-14T15:12:00.000-04:00

Hello. Lovebugs! Hopefully,you're all having an awesome weekend. The last few days have been emotionally draining, stressful and interesting to say the least. I'll spare you the details of the family drama,lost All-Star tee-ball games, and how I threatened to beat someone's ass. Yeah, I threatened to beat someone down but on the brightside the person,in question,well deserved the beating in question.

I will tell you that I've been spending a lot of time with my mom. Yay! We went and got our haircuts on Friday and have been to the grocery store a few times. We went to visit grandma and tonight we're making kale soup for dinner.

The kitchen is a mess but is it's getting cleaner. I am cleaning it all with Lysol bleach wipes and surprsingly enough it appears that we're going to be getting a new family member. Oh,and no I'm not refering to Ary or Baby Pops but instead the other day I nearly went into shock.

Okay,as many of you know my dad rescues birds. I have a dog. I think my mother just tolerates these things. Simply because my dad just keeps bringing them home so the other day we're sitting around and she's looking at Widget,Donatello and Rafe,Austin's turtles,and she says,"You know I want a guinea pig."

Yes. You. Read. That. Right.

My mom wants a guinea pig! I,for one, am in shock! Hope we find one soon. Keep you all posted!

Friday Confessional

2011-08-12T14:13:00.000-04:00

1. I confess: I cannot understand why Cal was being such a jerk! I wound up breaking up with him after he complained LOUDLY about me cutting my hair, You can see my new look in the entry below or the side panel,and the reason I cannot comprehend his complaint is when we met my hair had purple streaks in it. Right now it's just a cute little razor cut bob.

2. I confess: That while I was sitting in the hair salon,today,in a chair with a copy of Vogue in my hand I was absolutely delighted. It was mellow, it was fun,and I,for once,was just chilled out.

3. I confess: That I kicked all of my nephews friends out of the house. I wasn't being mean but these kids are total brats and I didn't want to have to tend to them and the boys. Austin wound up going with my mom and sister and I stayed home with Collin,playing VeggieTales and eating microwave popcorn.

4. I confess: If I loose any more weight I'm going to have to go down in not only my jean sizes,or my underwear,but also my shirts. Everything is gigantic. I actually skipped sizes and headed down from the nearest size down to the size below that.

5. I confess: I can't decide what I want for lunch. I was thinking of a ham and cheese sandwich but now I'm wondering if I could rehaeat the clam chowder without having my mom smell it and insist on sharing.

6. I confess: I spent half the day at the salon bragging about how adorable my beautiful niece is and how funny she is. I miss her!

My new do!

2011-08-12T13:04:00.001-04:00

Newly single, getting back to happy,and rockin' a new haircut. Here's me!

Conflicted

2011-08-11T11:35:00.000-04:00

Having a rough last few weeks. Not sure I want to blog anymore because I'm constantly posting entries in which I am complaining and feeling bad. So annoyed with the way things are now from Angel,to my relationship with my dad,and Cal. I wish I was a better person. Hope I have answers soon.

D stands for disappointment

2011-08-10T19:07:00.000-04:00

Okay,so sorry for the lack of entry yesterday. However, I do have an excuse. It all begain when my mother asked me to vaccum the livingroom. I was over near the door to the boys old room,and the new desk my brother and his wife gave us,when I tried to scoot the vaccum around Angel,who refused to move,and that's when I happened.

I jammed my hand. My middle finger and the one next to it immediately turned black and blue at the knuckles and the rest of those fingers turned red. I spent hours after that with a bottle of ice water on them. Yes, no ice packs in CandyLand. It's bottles of water. I couldn't bend them but I have been making a few attempts. The day ended with lots of Aleve,my dad examining them and me wanting to just be really mad at Angel. She just needed to move like three steps and I would've been fine but NOO.....SHE JUST SAT THERE.

I wound up in bed at 9:40. I missed most of the Sox game, I woke up somehow feeling worse today then I did yesterday and I want to thank Cal for the 2:30 a.m. call. I was happily dreaming away and YOU CALLED! I wound up curling up around 3 and going back to sleep. I woke to my mom calling to inform me that first we were going to be running to the store and then to visit Gram.

Okay,now I must admit that for the most of my day went well. I had lunch with mom, I got to relax for a bit,and that was fine. Still, I had a nagging feeling that something was giong to happen. Something that would disappoint me greatly and around the time that mom and I went to get my dad from work I found out what that was. It all begain simply enough with a call my sister.

For the last few weeks I've been counting down to the Paw Sox game. It's become something of an annual tradition. We go to the Fun Fest game, Austin runs the bases,we go meet the players, and then after we go to Dave and Busters. I admit for the last few weeks,since I've heard NOTHING, I was kind of wondering,"When is Tiff gonna call and say they can't afford it?" I got my answer and as prepared as I was for it I got to admit I'm still angry...and disappointed. Not so much because I can't understand why we can't go but more to the point I'm disappointed because last week she went out of town with FBIL,at which time they went to a concert and a wedding.

Now if my sister had told my mother on the phone,that day after, that she couldn't afford to go I would've said,"Okay." because my general assumption was we weren't going this year. My mother kind of pushed the Paw Sox game due to the fact that I've been watching Collin and doing them a lot of other favors despite some very stupid comments made a few years ago. What really bugged me was if you couldn't afford to go why didn't you say that when mom suggested it? Wouldn't have been easier and less disappointing to just say,"I cannot afford it." (P.S. Oh,and considering my sister and FBIL are living WAY beyond their means it comes as no shock to me that this thing got canceled.)

Still,somehow I'm supposed to just forget it,brush off the disappointment,and be okay. Well, you know what? I'm not. I'm annoyed because apparently the concert, the hotel room and all are supposed to be okay with me and I'm supposed to just break a promise to my 9 year old godson. Look,I don't have money right now. I still have to figure where 535.00 is coming from for school when I'm just about say to say,"Well,I graduated so what do I need the f'ing diploma for?"

Oh,and to just top my day off I came home to discover that Angel had ripped a giant hole, HOLE HELL! SHE TORE APART HALF A TRASHBAG,and left garbage stewn from one of floor to other. Normally,I would've taken out but there wasn't really anything in there and in my mind it was a waste of garbage bags. I'm not sure exactly why this annoyed me so damned much but let's just say the mental pot boiled the frig over.

Hopefully,things get easier in the next few days because frankly, I'm ready to snap. I'm not playing anymore with these dumb people and this idiot dog. You know it really sucks? I started off in a great mood, I got a new bottle of bodywash, I got to have some clam chowder today and I found an adorable doll for Ary only to find out that my sister didn't have the guts to tell me,"Sorry,we're not going to the Paw Sox this year.",I don't have the money to get my diploma and my dog is too stupid to realize that plastic is not ediable. Oh,and bonus, because she got into anything major I'm going to be cleaning up dog vomit all day tomorrow and well into the next day. Thanks,Angel.