Worthwhile

Hi and happy Friday to all of you!  Hopefully, the last few days have been wonderful and productive.  Anyway, once again permit me to apologize for not being around much but I've been kind of busy the last few days. 

Okay,so yesterday was my first official day of training for my new job.  Due to the stores internet policey I cannot give a lot of specifics on my job but I will say I had a really good night last night.  I spent the night working up front and my shift ended around 10 p.m. Tonight I'm working on the salesfloor and I'll be on until midnight.  I'm totally looking forward to it! 

Anyway, like I said,work is going well enough.  I wish I could say the same for anything.  Currently, I'm suffering from a nasty cold.  It all started out with a simple little cough and over the next few days progressed into something that requires a lot of cough medicine and throat spray to cope with.  Oh,and showers with lots of steam. 

Today I feel a lot better then I did the other night. 

Unfortunately,while I've been sick I haven't been able to go in and see grandma.  Not that she's been doing very well anyway.  The other day she has a huge tantrum but honestly that may be her last gasp.  While we,meaning mom and I,were there the other day my aunt wanted to know if there was a possible UTI,which would effect grandma's brain,but as Karen,the lead hospice nurse,pointed out,"Even if that was the case drawing blood and all would do nothimg more then make her miserable and what would you do with it?" My mom,whose the medicale proxy,pointed out that since there's nothing that can be gained from the information having the tests done would be pointless so no more blood is being drawn.  (Note: I know that sounds cruel but my grandmother bruises so easily that even drawing a little blood is a big deal.)  We also recently noticed that gram is having trouble moving her arms and my aunt asked,"Can you test to see if she had a stroke?" 

Once again we could but what good would it do?  First, the issues with her liver can cause neurological damage and she's tired from her body fighting that so it's fatiguing her.  The result?  She can't move.  I get it though.  My aunt is looking for a quick fix for a serious problem.  She's not ready to let go of Gram yet.  It's not easy but honestly I made a point of letting all the conflicts go when Gram got sick.  I feel guilty about nothing!  I wish my aunt would do the same instead of spending the time fighting so hard and being so hyperdefensive!  It would be better,and healthier,if she spent that time telling Gram she loves her and saying goodbye. 

Look I can't say what she SHOULD do but that's what I"m thinking.  Anyway, mom shot down the idea of all the neurological workups because they are pointless.  Again.  What would we do with them?  Sure the doctor thinks drawing blood and all would be productive but considering my grandma is terminally ill we fail to see the point.  Anyway,gram's back out of it and we're back to wondering when God will FINALLY take her home. 

Of course then there's my aunt.  To me this is the most heartbreaking.  My aunt is the spitting image of my Nana.  I hate that this is happening to her.  She's always been one of my biggest cheerleaders and I just adore her.  I hate that my family is dealing with this and it's not done yet. 

Recently one of my cousins had a seizsure.  Now I admit after dealing with the same issues with Austin I thought NOTHING of it.  I figured it was no big deal.  Well,yesterday my cousin announced that he has a brain tumor.   We don't know if it's cancer yet but the tumor is a pretty complex spot.  I'll keep you all posted on this. 

I'm not sure what's left to say.  Most of this is just sad and draining.  I'm trying to find the brightsides.  I mean I like my job,Good news!,my nephew is going to be born in about a month,and we may have a lead on a new place to live.  Not really sure what comes next or how everything is going to work out.  Talk to you all soon.  Right now going to relax before I head off to work.